This is the first time I’ve seen comics by John Jonik, and this one is so good I started looking around and found his blog. Go give it a look. I’ll try to occasionally post some of them in here in the future.
It is amazingly ironic how politicians are able to get people to vote against their own interests. I guess they learned it from corporations, who have been getting people to buy things they don’t need for a long time. How do they do it? Fear and money.
Some people will believe anything.
I love reading PolitiFact, however, usually not for the humor. But there is a new posting that starts out debunking a birther chain email, but quickly turns hilarious.
It turns out that the email was originally a satire piece, published by a newspaper in Hawaii. The original article is pretty hysterical itself, but that didn’t keep people from taking it seriously:
We ran the piece on April Fools Day, in our comics section, and said in the story that it was satire. We did not expect people to take this seriously. But we still had people calling and emailing us demanding more information about the piece. We are still getting calls today. Most had a good sense of humor about it when we pointed out the April Fools Day note, but not everyone took it so well. We did get some nasty notes. Other than putting the very top in all-caps, ‘THIS IS AN APRIL FOOLS DAY JOKE,’ I am not sure what else we could have done to be more clear.
Apparently, the phenomenon of people believing outrageous satire is pretty common. PolitiFact goes on:
We’ve seen this phenomenon before.
One of the most long-lived chain emails we’ve seen circulating claims that Obama once said, “Nobody made these guys go to war. … Now they whine about bearing the costs of their choice?” That was originally published by Arizona-based satirist John Semmens. We gave it a Pants on Fire.
We have debunked other chain emails based on satires by Semmens. One claimed that that in a hearing, Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, D-Ariz., suggested to Gen. David Petraeus that the Army “put more emphasis on less environmentally damaging methods, like stabbing or clubbing enemy forces in order to minimize the carbon output.” Semmens’ work was also turned into chain emails claiming that Obama wants to redesign the American flag “to better offer our enemies hope and love,” and that he thinks the national anthem should be “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing.”
Another satirist who saw his work go viral is Matthew Avitabile, who blogs his spoofs at Jumping in Pools. One satirical Avitabile post claimed that Obama wrote a thesis at Columbia University in which he criticized “plutocratic thugs” and said the Constitution gave Americans “the shackles of hypocrisy.” Another was that the Obama administration “wants to have soldiers and officers pledge a loyalty oath directly to the office of the President, and no longer to the Constitution.”
Anyone who believes one of these chain emails and forwards it on should be instantly disqualified from voting.
[Received this from reader Mike Lee. I love it.]
From: The Office of Michael Lee, Chocowinity, NC
To: Mr. Mitt Romney, Presidential Election Trail 2012
Dear Mitt,
I understand that you are looking to fill the position of Vice-President and I would like to take this opportunity to throw my hat into the ring. I expect you will find I am the perfect candidate for this position. The following are my qualifications and a sample of what I will bring to the table in a Romney success story.
Beltway, Shmeltway
Americans are tired of “Politics as usual” and “Inside the Beltway Mentality”. I am eminently qualified to help. I have absolutely no political experience whatsoever. I have zero experience at the Federal, State, or Local level. I’ve never even been to a PTA meeting.
And, as for the beltway, I can’t even find my way inside of it. I mean, come on: I-95, 195, 295, 395, 495,… I end up in Maryland… or sometimes West Virginia. Once in Idaho but that was a whole other thing.
While my inexperience could be seen as a weakness, I think you’ll find it a strength. Whenever you screw up, you can blame it on me. No one will be expecting me to know what the hell I’m doing.
My inexperience is also security for you since no one is going to want me to ascend to the Presidency. This is a Romney win-win.
No Upstaging
You don’t want someone who will want to be in the forefront or who the media will find interesting. We want “Front Row Mitt”.
I’m a white guy with really bad hair and rosacea. The cameras will want to be on you. I hate having my picture taken so there’s no competition here.
You need someone who has been under the radar. I’m so under the radar that I have next-door neighbors who don’t know my name. Seriously, there’s been talk.
Politics and Background
I don’t know that I agree with you on every single topic but I’m sure I will if you hire me.
While I am not technically a Republican, I do live in a State which has recently made same sex marriage a crime while preserving the right of first cousins to marry. If that doesn’t scream Republican, I don’t know what does.
And, bringing a closet-republican onto the ticket shows that you are serious about ending partisan politics (wink, wink, nod, nod) and that you are willing to let “Republicans to be” come across the aisle without fear. You are magnanimous in the face of ineptitude. Kingly in a way…
So, by now, you’re asking yourself… “Just who is this incredible applicant?”. Well, I’ll tell you.
I am the founder and CEO of Lee Software Development. We have been developing software and systems solutions for the last twenty years. My company, according to the North Carolina Labor Department, is the second largest software developer in the state. Paired together, we can claim high power and high tech. And, since I am the only employee of Lee Software Development, we can also court the small business vote. Nailed it; don’t you think?
I have a BS degree in Computer Science from DeSales University (formerly Allentown College of Saint Francis DeSales which sounds more religiousy so we should probably go with that).
I have an MS degree in distribution and logistics from East Carolina University which is kind of like a state school so we can use the blue collar, everyman thing with me and the Ivy League, smart guy thing with you.
Convictions and Ideology
I am very flexible in this area.
You name the subject, pro or con, up or down, yea or nay, I’m with you:
Environment: A precious gem or a resource for profit
Education: The golden bullet or a waste of cheap labor
God: A lot of votes or the reason Democrats are going to hell
Whatever you want, Mitt. You’re the boss.
Setting the Table
So, now that I have piqued your interest, it’s time to get into the reasons that I can and will help you become the leader of the free world.
Duties
I take the position of VP very seriously and am prepared to fulfill its duties to my best abilities. I want you to rest assured that I understand these duties and we see eye to eye on them. I am prepared to:
Sweeteners
In addition to my other attributes, I am a singer/songwriter. I understand you have had some problems with a campaign theme and song. From what I understand, some “successful” and “accomplished” songwriters didn’t like you using their songs for your campaign. Being neither successful nor accomplished, I am ready to step in. Consider the following ideas… just off the top:
Campaign Slogan:
Mitt n’ Mike 2012
A New Day’s Comin’
It’s folksy and appeals to the poor people. And it’s probably true. And, if not, who cares?
Sample Campaign Lyrics:
Mitt n’ Mike, Mitt n’ Mike
You’re Gonna like Mitt n’ Mike
A New Day’s Comin’
That’s right, we’re runnin’
Mitt n’ Mike, Mitt n’ Mike
You’re Gonna like Mitt n’ Mike
My cousin Fred can make stickers and tells me we can get a pretty good discount if we move on this quickly so let me know ASAP. He can do T-Shirts too.
Availability
Thanks to Obama, I’m not really doing much of anything so I’m ready to hit the ground running. Or strolling or just sitting still quietly… whatever you want, Mitt; you’re the boss.
By now, I’m sure you’re thinking of a word. I know it’s the same word I’m thinking of. I believe that word is “synergy”. We are synergistic. My wife says it’s jackass but I don’t think jackasseristic is a word. She also tossed out “fargenhorsenassin” but I’m not Swedish so I don’t know what that means. Maybe it means synergistic in Sweden but, based on the look on her face, I don’t think so.
Anyway, call me. I’m Romnistic… or Mittastic. Just trying some things out… I’m an idea man.
Love,
Mike Lee
If the Citizens United decision means that money is speech and corporations are people, then maybe we should make corporations (including SuperPACs) spending money on political ads subject to libel and slander laws. When the Koch brothers run ads like this, which PolitiFact determines to contain “Pants-On-Fire” lies, they should be liable. Not only that, but future ads by the same organization should be required to contain a disclaimer that says that this organization has been found guilty of lying — similar to health warnings on cigarette packs.
“Mitt Romney has been giving his volunteers a free sweatshirt for making phone calls on his behalf. The sweatshirts are just like Romney, 100 percent reversible.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Presidential primaries were held in California, Montana, New Jersey, New Mexico, and South Dakota today. Both candidates for president — Obama and Romney — have already clinched their nominations. So today’s primaries were mostly for people who really like stickers.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Hey, guess who’s gay? The Green Lantern from the comic books. Today Mitt Romney knocked him down and shaved his head.” – David Letterman
“A new survey found that Mitt Romney is ahead of Obama among those who make $36,000-$90,000. Or as Romney put it, ‘And they said I can’t connect with the poor.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“The No. 2 guy in al-Qaida has been killed. Who says Obama isn’t creating job openings?” – Jay Leno
“Obama gave Bon Jovi a ride to New York City on Air Force One. Makes sense – Bon Jovi’s living on a prayer, while Obama’s campaigning on one.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Former Egyptian leader Hosni Mubarak has been sentenced to life in prison. You know, it’s too bad we couldn’t get the John Edwards trial moved to Egypt.” – Jay Leno
“According to People magazine, Rielle Hunter, the mother of John Edwards’ love child, is releasing a new tell-all book this month. Haven’t we heard enough? How about a shut-up book?” – Jay Leno
“It’s a memoir about their relationship. She didn’t write it herself. She used a ghost skank.” – Jay Leno
“New York is considering a law that would keep people out of jail if they were caught with small amounts of marijuana – which explains why stoners are like, ‘It’s a cop. Hide most of the weed.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Forget the Mayans. According to NASA, the world will not come to an end for another 4 billion years – or about the same time your 401(k) comes back.” – Jay Leno
“Facebook may change its accounts policy and allow kids under 13 to join. Under 13. Yeah, when they heard this, Chinese officials said, ‘Great. Now our workers will never get anything done.'” – Conan O’Brien
Interview with Grover Norquist.
Norquist sums up his new book, saying that Republicans should make a list of everything Obama is doing and “do the opposite”. How’s that for bipartisanship?
As usual, Romney is only too happy to support all sides of every issue (and lie about it).
Back in 1965 while a student at Stanford University, Romney was a strong supporter of the Vietnam war and participated in pro-war protests. Not only did Romney not enlist in the war he praised, the same year he was protesting Romney sought and received his first student deferment. Even though deferments were available to students, they were not automatically granted — students had to apply for them. Slightly hypocritical.
When he was no longer eligible for a student deferment, he applied for and received a deferment as a “minister of religion” to do Mormon missionary work in France. This, however, was not a routine deferment and was controversial. At the time the Mormon church was a strong supporter of the war and discouraged its missionaries from obtaining a deferment. Indeed, during the time that Romney had such a deferment, the church started limiting the number of church missionaries who were allowed to defer their military service.
Not only did Romney get a religious deferment, he received an extraordinary long one (from 1966 to 1969, during the height of the war). How? Recall that Romney’s father George was both rich and powerful. Even though three generations of the Romney family, including George and all of his sons (including Mitt) were of military age, none of them served. In 1969, after his (extra long) religious deferment ran out, he applied for and obtained yet another college deferment. Even more hypocritical.
While Romney was originally a strong supporter of the war, by the 5th year of his deferment he had changed his mind. In an interview with the Boston Globe he said “If it wasn’t a political blunder to move into Vietnam, I don’t know what is.”
In 1994, when Mitt Romney was running for the Senate, he told the Boston Herald “I was not planning on signing up for the military. It was not my desire to go off and serve in Vietnam, but nor did I take any actions to remove myself from the pool of young men who were eligible for the draft.” Of course that last part is a complete fabrication, since Selective Service records clearly show Romney applying for repeated deferments.
But it doesn’t stop there. In 2007 during his first bid for the White House, Romney told the Boston Globe “I was supportive of my country. I longed in many respects to actually be in Vietnam and be representing our country there, and in some ways it was frustrating not to feel like I was there as part of the troops that were fighting in Vietnam.” Even bigger lie.
And of course, Romney follows in the footsteps of a long line of Republican chicken hawks with their pro-military rhetoric. Even though he never served in the military Romney wants to increase military spending dramatically, and often saber-rattles against Iran. He also attacks Obama for his plans to scale back the nation’s military commitments abroad.
Of course, some people may want to point out that Barack Obama did not serve in the military either. But Obama is 15 years younger than Romney, and was a young child during the Vietnam war.
UPDATE: The secret diary of Mitt Romney’s service in Vietnam as a “chickenhawk”. Fred Wickham hits another hilarious bullseye!
It looks like we will have a showdown in the near future.
The White House has stated, as clear as they can, that Obama will not support an extension of the Bush Era tax cuts for Americans making more than $250,000 a year. Period.
And Republicans have sworn to not “raise” taxes, even if it isn’t an actual raise, but is really just letting what was passed as a temporary tax cut expire. The Bush Tax cuts were instituted right after Bush got us into two very expensive and long-lasting wars. He and the Republicans promised that cutting taxes would improve the economy, but instead the economy tanked and the deficit went through the ceiling. As Bush himself put it, we won’t get fooled again!
Republicans even claim closing loopholes that allow multinational corporations to not pay any taxes at all are tax increases. This madness has to stop! Even without the Bush era tax cuts, taxes are already lower than they were under Reagan. And Reagan raised taxes when he had to. Grover Norquist complains about Bush Sr. raising taxes, but somehow fails to mention that Reagan raised taxes (more than once).
I am very glad that Obama is drawing a line. He has already compromised on this and all it did was delay our economic recovery. The time for compromising on this issue is over.
Of course, the Republicans will make a lot of noise about this. Just look at what they just did with Clinton’s recent remarks. The GOP claims that Bill Clinton said we should extend the Bush tax cuts temporarily, but if you read the full interview in PolitiFact he said nothing of the kind.
Republicans are going to lie about this. They are going to attack Obama. They are going to claim he raised taxes and increased spending, when he did neither. Obama has lowered taxes (especially on the middle class) and has cut spending. When the Republicans were in power, all they did was cut taxes and increase spending. The Republicans are really just complaining because Obama is refusing to give another handout to the only people who don’t need a handout, the very richest 1%. If we do throw even more money at the rich, they will just create a new bubble when they try to find a place to invest it. And the only jobs they will create will be in other countries.
Tell Obama to be firm on this. I am one of those people whose taxes will go up, but I say, it is about time.
Republicans in the US House are showing us their priorities. On Tuesday, they passed an energy spending bill that is riddled with amendments that are bad for our country. Compared to what Obama requested, they removed funding for clean-energy and efficiency programs, and added additional money for fossil-fuel and nuclear programs.
But the most ironic amendment was one that strips the government of the ability to enforce the light bulb efficiency standards that already went into effect this year. Even though the efficiency law was passed in 2007 — under George Bush — that hasn’t stopped the GOP from using it to attack Obama.
Assuming this amendment survives, it won’t actually do what its promoters claim. The light bulb efficiency law would still be on the books, and US manufacturers have already changed their products to comply with the law, so they will keep making more efficient light bulbs that generate the same amount of light with less electricity. Instead, it will open the doors to unscrupulous foreign manufacturers to dump cheap, inferior light bulbs on the American market (with no way for the government to enforce the law).
So, in one stroke, the GOP shows that it wants to increase our energy dependence, hurt US manufacturers and put US jobs at risk, damage the economy, and increase pollution. Could it be any clearer?
It may not be a bedtime story, but it sure is a “good night” story.
New York decriminalized possession of small amounts of marijuana over 30 years ago. So why have arrests for marijuana possession skyrocketed there, making it the #1 arrest category in the state? The answer is ironic.
When the state decriminalized possession of less than 25 grams of marijuana, they left possession of the same amount in public view a criminal misdemeanor, punishable by up to three months in jail and a $500 fine. That may seem reasonable, since lawmakers didn’t want people going around smoking weed openly in public. But instead, it created a classic Catch 22.
Often, however, the police approach young people and instruct them to empty their pockets immediately and show the officers anything they have. People who have a small quantity of marijuana in their pockets take it out and hold it up. The marijuana is now in public view.
So if the police order you to empty your pockets, you can either refuse their order, which is itself a crime, or you can pull the not-a-crime marijuana out of your pocket and turn it into a crime, for which you will be arrested. The police are essentially ordering you to commit a crime. Isn’t that entrapment?
In 2011, more than 50,000 people were arrested for criminal possession in New York City alone, costing the government around $75 million in judicial and financial cost. The punch line, of course, is that 85% of those arrested for criminal possession are black or latino, even though studies consistently show that whites use marijuana as much or more than minorities.
The possession of small quantities of marijuana is either a crime or it is not. But it cannot be criminal activity for one group of people and socially acceptable behavior for another when the dividing line is race.
Even worse, this trick takes people who are not actually committing any crime and turns them into criminals with a criminal record. Even just having an arrest on your record makes it more difficult to go to college or get a job.
In an age when many people, including our last three presidents, have admitted to smoking marijuana, isn’t this not just hypocritical, but blatant racism?
I overheard someone saying that the only reason they could think of for voting Republican in the upcoming election is that if they won, they’d have to stop sabotaging our country in order to make Obama look bad.
The only problem with that theory is that when Bush and the Republicans were in power, they might not have been purposely sabotaging the country, but they did a pretty damn good job of it anyway.
“On Friday, President Obama spent the night at his home in Chicago for the first time in over a year. It was nice – he even went down to the basement and dusted off some old campaign promises.” – Jimmy Fallon
“That’s right, Obama spent the night at his home in Chicago. Of course it got awkward when he left and his housekeeper was like, ‘So, see you after the election?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“According to a new book coming out by a Pulitzer Prize-winning author, apparently when he was in high school, President Obama smoked large amounts of marijuana. You know what that means? He could be our first green president.” – Jay Leno
“Unemployment is still looking pretty bad. In fact, the White House has a new slogan on job creation: ‘Hope and change the subject.'” – Jay Leno
“The unemployment numbers are higher than President Obama was in high school.” – Jay Leno
“New research shows that elderly people emit a distinct odor. Yeah, the study was conducted by two guys stuck in an elevator with Larry King.” – Conan O’Brien
Actually, I think the ratio was just above 7 to 1, with most of the $30 million for the Republican Scott Walker coming from out of state.
And it worked. Walker prevailed 53.5% to 45.9%. Walker is the first governor in US history to survive a recall election.
Last week, Karl Rove and the Koch brothers announced that they plan to spend more than $1 billion on the November election.
It was bad enough when Republicans started disenfranchising voters in the name of preventing voter fraud. It doesn’t seem to matter that various studies have found that voter fraud is pretty much non-existant in this country (heck, it is hard enough to get people to cast one vote). But that didn’t stop vigilant conservatives from passing 22 new laws supposedly designed to prevent (the virtually nonexistent) voter fraud. In fact, you have to go back to the days immediately after the civil war — when the south was desperately trying to suppress the black vote with notorious Jim Crow laws and the north was almost equally trying to keep immigrants from voting — to find so many laws being passed to “prevent” voter fraud.
As a result, millions — as many as 10 percent of Americans — will suddenly find themselves unable to vote, coincidentally most of them people who tend to vote Democratic. If that number sounds high, consider that 11% of Americans do not have a government-issued ID card, and the numbers are considerably higher for young voters (18%) or blacks (25%).
But at least Republicans could claim that they were merely trying to reduce voter fraud. But as usual they are starting to overreach, putting the lie to their claims.
In Ohio, Republicans are trying to throw out ballots because of mistakes made by poll workers. In one example, poll workers sent voters to the wrong precinct table to vote. So those voter’s ballots did not count even though the voters had done everything right. Luckily, that case ended up in court and as a result of counting those ballots, the previously losing candidate instead won the election.
However, now the state is trying to reverse that decision and require ballots to be thrown out, even if the only mistake is one made by a poll worker. So how is this going to reduce voter fraud? It seems to me it will be an open invitation to dramatically increase fraud; not voter fraud, but fraud perpetrated by unscrupulously partisan poll workers.
If that weren’t bad enough, another provision would prevent poll workers from helping voters find the correct precinct if they mistakenly show up at the wrong polling location. Silly me, I thought the purpose of poll workers was to facilitate voting!
So their true colors are showing — Republicans aren’t actually interested in preventing voter fraud, they are only interested in preventing voting by people with whom they don’t agree.
UPDATE: The Empire Strikes Back.
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