Skip to content

Merry Christmas from Santa Corporation

Friday, December 24, 2010


© Tom Toles

Aren’t you glad Santa is not run by a corporation? Oh wait!

Share
Filed in Humor | Comments (8)

Late Night Political Humor

Friday, December 24, 2010

“Congress has voted to extend the Bush tax cuts. Is it me, or is George W. Bush getting more done now than when he was in office?” – Jay Leno

“Michelle Obama wore a vintage thrift-store dress from the 1950s for the Christmas in Washington concert. She’s not the only one going vintage. In fact, her husband just agreed to a tax plan from the early 2000s.” – Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama met with leaders of 60 American Indian tribes. I don’t want to say the country’s in bad shape, but he offered to give it back to them.” – Jay Leno

“The president was honored by the Indians with his own Indian name. They now call him, ‘Dances With Republicans.'” – Jay Leno

“A lot of companies had their Christmas parties tonight. A lot of people couldn’t make it because their company is in India.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama was talking with school kids yesterday and said he walked their dog Bo on the White House lawn and picked up his poop. They should probably have someone else do that. Obama’s not good at cleaning up messes other people have left for him.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Last night was Larry King’s final show. Should we tell him?” – David Letterman

“On his last show, Larry King told Bill Clinton they were both members of the Zipper Club because they both had open heart surgery. Clinton was, “Uh, yeah, that’s why I’m a member of the Zipper Club…” – Jimmy Fallon

“The EPA just announced that the artificial sweetener saccharin is not a cancer threat after all. Or as I’ll be reporting the story 10 years from now, ‘The EPA just announced that the artificial sweetener saccharin is definitely a cancer threat after all.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“The WikiLeaks guy is under house arrest with a strict curfew. If there’s anything a guy who leaks secret government documents respects, it’s a curfew.” – David Letterman

Share
Filed in Humor | Comments Off on Late Night Political Humor

Pat Robertson wants to legalize marijuana?

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Will wonders never cease? It has been a crazy week, what with Obama somehow talking the Republicans into going along with repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, ratifying the new START treaty, and dropping their filibuster to 9/11 first responder health benefits at the end of the lame duck session. But now arch-conservative founder of the Christian Coalition Pat Robertson has come out in favor of legalizing marijuana, or at least reducing the sentences.

It got to be a big deal in campaigns: “He’s tough on crime”, and “lock ’em up!”. That’s the way these guys ran and, uh, they got elected. But, that wasn’t the answer.

We’re locking up people that have taken a couple puffs of marijuana and next thing you know they’ve got 10 years with mandatory sentences. These judges just say, they throw up their hands and say nothing we can do with these mandatory sentences. We’ve got to take a look at what we’re considering crimes and that’s one of ’em.

I’m … I’m not exactly for the use of drugs, don’t get me wrong, but I just believe that criminalizing marijuana, criminalizing the possession of a few ounces of pot, that kinda thing it’s just, it’s costing us a fortune and it’s ruining young people. Young people go into prisons, they go in as youths and come out as hardened criminals. That’s not a good thing.

Well, duh!

UPDATE: An article in the Washington Post about Portugal, which decriminalized all recreational drugs with a controversial law 9 years ago, and how the new system is paying off.

Share
Filed in Irony | Comments (18)

They came first for WikiLeaks, and I didn’t speak up because I was told they weren’t really journalists

Thursday, December 23, 2010

In his first TV interview since being released from jail, Julian Assange makes several very strong points:

First, Assange makes the point that WikiLeaks is a legitimate part of the media, and if people think they can avoid government attack by not defending WikiLeaks they don’t understand history:

They believe that if they sell us out, if they say, well he’s not really a journalist, they can have the Washington authorities target us and destroy us and somehow steer clear of the crossfire. … but I have a message to them: they’re going to be next.

Next, he responds to people who accuse him of being a terrorist. Even the Pentagon has admitted that there has been no physical harm done to any people exposed by WikiLeaks, so how is he a terrorist? And the people calling for him to be assassinated (or “illegally murdered” as was said on Fox News), aren’t they terrorists since they are using violence or the threat of violence to achieve political ends? It is even worse when elected officials in the US call for his execution. “What sort of message does that send about the rule of law in the United States?”

And finally, Assange points out that the US government has been holding accused whistleblower Bradley Manning in solitary confinement for months (which according to some human rights activists is psychological torture), while at the same time trying to cut a plea deal with Manning to testify against Assange.

This is justice? This is what America stands for? Does the rest of the world laugh when we claim that our enemies hate us because of our freedoms?

Share
Filed in Irony | Comments (9)

When News Becomes Espionage

Thursday, December 23, 2010


© Ruben Bolling

If Julian Assange is guilty of espionage, then so are a whole lot of other journalists.

Share
Filed in Irony | Comments Off on When News Becomes Espionage

Nuclear Option?

Thursday, December 23, 2010


© Joel Pett

Luckily, the START treaty was ratified after all — on the very last day of the 111th Congress.

Share
Filed in Humor | Comments (9)

Republican calls Reagan’s dream “cockamamie”

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Today, the Senate ratified the START treaty 71-26, despite the Republican leadership’s strong opposition. In fact, Jeff Sessions called Obama’s goal of a nuclear-free world “cockamamie” and called for a rejection of the treaty. It seems like the Republican leadership were the only people opposed to the treaty, which was supported by all recent Secretaries of State (Democrat and Republican), all of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, former Republican presidents, and even, it seems, by the Republican’s patron saint:

“A nuclear war cannot be won and must never be fought. And no matter how great the obstacles may seem, we must never stop our efforts to reduce the weapons of war. We must never stop at all until we see the day when nuclear arms have been banished from the face of this Earth.” – Ronald Reagan, 1984

Share
Filed in Irony | Comments (4)

Republicans purposely keeping the economy bad and unemployment high?

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Republican Party is trying to stop the Federal Reserve from helping to lower unemployment.

It is bad enough that the Republicans opposed the federal version of Mitt Romney’s health care plan, the continuation of Dubya’s bank bailout, and the (failed) attempt to pass John McCain’s climate bill, but now they are opposing Milton Friedman’s monetary policies. And there doesn’t seem to be any reason they are doing this, except to keep unemployment high so it reflects badly on Obama and the Democrats.

In November, the Fed announced it would purchase $600 billion in US Treasury bonds. The goal is to lower long-term interest rates and jumpstart the economy. Conservatives went nuts, claiming this would lead to hyperinflation, which is a bizarre argument since inflation is at record lows right now and is falling. Republicans even introduced bills in Congress that would require the Fed to concentrate on keeping inflation low and prohibit it from worrying about high unemployment.

So Republicans claim to be worried about inflation, which is not a problem, and want the Fed to ignore unemployment, which is a big problem. Does this make any sense? It does if you are a Republican. Back in August, budget expert Stan Collender gave a prediction, warning the Fed that “with Republican policy makers seeing economic hardship as the path to election glory,” they would be “opposed to any actions taken by the Federal Reserve that would make the economy better.”

The Republicans may not be terrorists, but are they weapons of mass economic destruction?

Share
Filed in Irony | Comments (8)

Late Night Political Humor

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

“A new survey finds that although his approval ratings are low, President Obama is still ahead of the most prominent Republicans. Have you seen his tax plan? He is the most prominent Republican.” – Jay Leno

“The Obamas had their dog, Bo, sign their Christmas card this year with a paw print. But Bo only agreed to do it after Obama agreed to extend the Bush-era treats policy.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Apparently, a fourth panel of the Metrodome’s roof collapsed last night, sending more snow crashing onto the field. The last time I saw something cave in so often, he was giving a press conference at the White House.” – Jimmy Fallon

“A group of TSA agents has formed a choir to entertain travelers as they go through security. It’s not helping that the only song they sing is Journey’s ‘Loving, Touching, Squeezing.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Several TSA officers have formed a holiday choir at the Los Angeles International Airport. Which, of course, answers the question: How can going through airport security possibly get any worse?” – Jimmy Fallon

“WikiLeaks editor Julian Assange was granted bail by a London court. At a press conference, Assange said he will not be silenced, and then told everyone who their secret Santa is.” – Conan O’Brien

“Julian Assange was released from custody. It’s a good thing, because he was behind on his holiday leaking.” – David Letterman

“This Christmas season, the post office will handle 10 billion packages. They won’t deliver them, they’ll just handle them.” – David Letterman

“Al-Qaida is planning Christmas attacks in the U.S. and Europe. The U.S. government sprang into action and told al-Qaida, ‘Hey, you cannot call them Christmas attacks, you have to call them holiday attacks.'” – Jay Leno

“In Abu Dhabi, there’s an $11 million Christmas tree. The prime minister of Abu Dhabi said he hoped the tree would be a symbol that Abu Dhabi has a lot more money than us. And that we’re paying far too much for gas.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The House has voted to repeal the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy. Nancy Pelosi said, ‘Now’s the time to act,’ meaning before Democrats lose their majority in a couple of weeks. Which raises the question: Why didn’t they act the last four years when they had the majority?” – Jay Leno

“The most annoying word of the year is ‘whatever.’ As always, No. 2 is ‘Limbaugh.'” – David Letterman

“According to a new Rasmussen poll, only 23 percent say America is heading in the right direction. In Mexico, it’s different. There, 77 percent say the right direction is heading to America.” – Jay Leno

Share
Filed in Humor | Comments Off on Late Night Political Humor

When did the Republicans become such whiners?

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Earlier this month, Lindsay Graham said he would support the START treaty once tax cuts for the rich were passed. He got his way, but now he is leading the charge of the whiners about all that voting:

Poor Senator Graham! Maybe he needs a really, really long vacation. After all, if he is too tired to protect us from nuclear war, even though the treaty has been on his desk for eight months.

Also ironic is that Graham is complaining about having to vote on Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, but the man who forced the lame duck vote on DADT (and even threatened too keep the Senate in session through Christmas to do it) was his close friend Joe Lieberman (Graham once called Lieberman a “national treasure“).

But seriously, what really bothers me about this is that Republicans don’t seem to care about whether something is, you know, actually good for the country. They are still caught in the Rovian trap of looking at everything through a partisan lens. A prime example is this editorial from conservative Charles Krauthammer. Krauthammer seems unable to even conceive that Obama might actually care about what happens to the American economy, except how it affects his reelection chances. I guess when you are that cynical, you can’t imagine that anyone else isn’t also that cynical as well. {Maybe the Christian Science Monitor is right — Obama is the only grown-up in Washington.}

The end result is that most Republicans won’t vote for anything that might even look like a victory for Obama, even if — especially in the case of the START treaty and the Zadroga bill — it is clearly the right thing to do.

UPDATE: Dana Milbank thinks the Republican Party should be renamed the Petulant Party. And talking about their obstructionist tactics in the Senate, Republican leader Mitch McConnell put it “If they think it’s bad now, wait till next year.”

Share
Filed in Hypocrisy | Comments (13)

Employment Claus

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


© Ed Stein

What will we do if the jobs never come back?

Share
Filed in Irony | Comments (3)

Late Night Political Humor

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

“Today President Obama met with a group of top CEOs to discuss creating new jobs. They said they’d see what they could do and then all went back to China.” – Conan O’Brien

“The Marine Corps’ top general suggested allowing gay soldiers on the battlefield would pose a distraction. Especially the really hot ones.” – Conan O’Brien

“Mark Zuckerberg was named Time’s Person of the Year. I’m sorry if you don’t recognize the name. A magazine is something people used to read.” – Craig Ferguson

“Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has been named Time magazine’s Person of the Year. They said he has single-handedly changed the way we waste time at work.” – Jay Leno

“According to new census data, Falls Church, Va. is the best-educated area in the U.S. Least educated? Sarah Palin’s Alaska. ” –Jimmy Fallon

“The Golden Globes will have an unusual category this year: ‘Outstanding Performance by an Animal Killed by Sarah Palin.'” – David Letterman

“Two feet of snow in the Midwest. But the good news is, these are the first shovel-ready jobs Obama has come up with since becoming president.” – Jay Leno

“It was so cold in Minneapolis, Brett Favre was texting pictures of his chestnuts roasting over an open fire.” – Jay Leno

“Larry King has been married more times than Henry the Eighth. We used to have that rhyme to keep track of them. ‘Divorced, beheaded, died. Divorced, beheaded, survived.’ With Larry I think it goes, ‘Divorced, beheaded, divorced, escaped. Zombie, lesbian, disappeared, inflatable.'” – Craig Ferguson

Share
Filed in Humor | Comments Off on Late Night Political Humor

Christmas Hiring Freeze

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


© Tom Toles

The other side of this catch 22 is that corporations are using their cash reserves to buy other companies, which further reduces the number of employed workers. Or they hire overseas workers. And then they wonder why the economy is doing so bad.

Share
Filed in Irony | Comments (17)

Late Night Political Humor

Monday, December 20, 2010

“Julian Assange, the WikiLeaks guy, is out on bail and everybody wants to interview him. Barbara Walters wants to know if he’s a lesbian. Today in the holiday spirit he leaked 200 letters to Santa.” – David Letterman

“Someone apparently found an old Internet dating profile posted by WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, and it has been posted online. Assange was furious, saying ‘Some things are supposed to be private.'” – Conan O’Brien

“You wouldn’t know it in Los Angeles, but it’s freezing in much of the country, with temperatures in the 20s in parts of Florida. I don’t know how she did it, but the whole country has turned into ‘Sarah Palin’s Alaska.'” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Do you believe those numbers all across the country? Five in Iowa, 13 in Wisconsin, 22 in Washington. And that’s just President Obama’s approval ratings.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama showed up 20 minutes late to a press conference. It was the longest he’s kept everyone waiting — well, unless you count the past two years.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Michelle Obama said that obesity is a national security threat because 1 in 4 young people are too overweight to join the military. Couldn’t we just have a separate fat army to fight in countries that don’t have hills?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner has been released from the hospital after undergoing treatment for a kidney stone. He says he’s recovering. Good luck, that’s what he said about the economy.” – Jay Leno

“Chernobyl is being opened to tourists. I guess for people who feel they’re not getting enough radiation from the body scanners. It’s the perfect destination for people who like to experience toxic wastelands and have already been to New Jersey.” – Jay Leno

Share
Filed in Humor | Comments Off on Late Night Political Humor

Happy Holidays!

Monday, December 20, 2010


© Tom Tomorrow

Sometimes I’m afraid to wish people “Happy Holidays” or even “Season’s Greetings” for fear that I might be accused of being anti-Christmas. What would Jesus do?

Share
Filed in Humor | Comments (23)