The winner of the prestigious award for most ironic political statement comes from President Bush, who said in an interview Tuesday that he was forced to sacrifice free market principles to save the economy from collapse:
I’ve abandoned free-market principles to save the free-market system.
Yes, he really did say that.
UPDATE: Andrew Sullivan adds:
Just as he used torture to defend freedom. And occupied a country in order to liberate it.
Just after the 2004 presidential election, the BBC published an article where it asked various americans why they voted for Bush. In hindsight, some of the answers are now comical, but one of them is downright prescient. Tim, from Los Angeles, answered:
I voted for Bush to usher in the complete and utter destruction of the United States. Sometimes, you just have to tear it all down and start over again. No one will destroy America faster than Bush. Go Bush!
By now, everyone has heard of the Iraqi reporter who threw his shoes at Bush. Now it’s your turn:
“Hey, you probably saw this on the news. A very embarrassing moment at the Illinois State Capitol today. Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich attended the opening of the nativity scene. And when the three wise men showed up with gifts for the baby Jesus, Blagojevich demanded half the loot.” -Jay Leno
“Hey, what are you folks getting for Christmas? Well, I tell you what, Illinois is getting a new governor.” -David Letterman
“Yesterday was Governor — is it Blagojevich or Bla-son-of-a-bitch? — it was his birthday. You know what sign Blagojevich was born under? ‘For sale.’ I believe that was the sign.” -Jay Leno
“Yesterday President-elect Barack Obama called on Illinois Governor Blagojevich to resign. And after hearing this, Blagojevich said, ‘If he wants to call and talk to me, it’s $4.99 a minute.'” -Conan O’Brien
“Actually, it’s getting pretty serious. President-elect Barack Obama has called for Blagojevich to resign, but he refused. He refused a directive from the next President of the United States, to which Hillary Clinton said, ‘So?'” -Jay Leno
“And of course, the bad news for Governor Blagojevich is that there’s no chance President Bush will pardon him because Bush can’t even pronounce his name.” -Jay Leno
“They’ve been doing some research into Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. Have you seen this guy? Well, it turns out that thing on his head actually mated with that thing on Donald Trump’s head. It’s getting ugly.” -David Letterman
“People close to the case talked about Blagojevich. They said that he was willing to do anything for money. That’s why he was going to sell the Senate seat. See, that is so wrong. You know, in this country — let me tell you something. If you want money, you do what everybody else does, okay? You go to Congress and you demand a bailout. That’s what we do.” -Jay Leno
“And I love this idea. Congress wants to promote a car czar to oversee the auto industry. You know, even if he’s half as successful as Bill Bennett was as the drug czar, oh, our problems will be solved. A car czar. What democracy has a czar?” -Jay Leno
“Why is it every time we have a government crisis, we reverse to feudalism? We need a mortgage duke. A duke of mortgages. We need an energy ayatollah in this country.” -Jay Leno
“Well, it looks like the automakers are going to get their bailout money. But not if the Republicans have anything to do with it. I understand Republican Senator David Vitter, remember him? The one involved with all the hookers? Remember that guy? Well, he blasted the auto industry. He called the plan ass backwards. That’s what he called it, ass backwards. And he should to know, because he used to pay extra for that.” -Jay Leno
“Don’t you love how these guys care nothing about the working man? The working girl, oh, they’ll give her all the money.” -Jay Leno
“Hey, bad news for Senator Larry Craig. You know, America’s favorite restroom enthusiast? You know Larry Craig. The court has refused his request to change his guilty plea. Remember, he was charged with soliciting sex from an undercover police officer in an airport men’s room. He wanted the plea changed from ‘guilty’ to just ‘jiggling the wrong handle'” -Jay Leno
“In a recent interview with ABC, President Bush said he is not a literalist when it comes to the Bible, or the Constitution either, for that matter.” -Jay Leno
“And according to ‘The Washington Post,’ during his eight years in office, President Bush spent 2,496 hours on the treadmill, elliptical machine, and mountain bike. And spent another 15 minutes working on the economy.” -Jay Leno
“According to an article about President Bush’s fitness routine that just came out, during his Presidency, Bush has spent 2,500 hours walking on a treadmill. Yeah. Bush said he only wanted to be on the treadmill for 45 minutes but he couldn’t figure out how to turn it off.” -Conan O’Brien
“A rare snowstorm hit New Orleans today. It snowed in New Orleans. You see that? Unbelievable. Not wasting any time, FEMA announced they will have plows in the New Orleans area within the next six to eight months.” -Jay Leno
“Hey, a little bit of history for you. It was on this day, in 1872, America’s first black governor took office in Louisiana. Did you know that? Ironically, the man he beat out for the job, John McCain.” -Jay Leno
“By the way, you know who is on the program tonight? Senator John McCain. Now he shows up. By the way, he thinks the campaign is still going on.” -David Letterman
“But we’re happy to have the Senator on the program. And if he does well on the program tonight, CBS might give him the 10:00 p.m. slot.” -David Letterman
“Golden Globe nominations out today, and Sarah Palin was nominated for one. Her category is Outstanding Comedy Performance in a Presidential Campaign.” -David Letterman
Thumbing his nose at the country, President Bush awarded the Presidential Citizens Medal to convicted felon Chuck Colson. Colson, who was Nixon’s lawyer during Watergate, has been described as the “evil genius” of the Nixon administration. He tried to hire thugs to beat up anti-war demonstrators, plotted to firebomb the Brookings institution, and was eventually convicted of obstruction of justice for interfering with the trial of Daniel Ellsberg.
After prison, Colson predictably turned to religion, forming the “Prison Fellowship” which is supposedly supports prisoners and their victims, but also is active politically, advocating for privately run prisons and turning all government social programs over to faith-based groups. Colson has worked with Pat Robertson and James Dobson on the development of political strategy. As for his religious views, he was a strong supporter of the invasion of Iraq, and more recently he spoke out in support of California’s Proposition 8, accusing the LGBT community of “anti-religious bigotry”.
How ironic is it for a convicted felon and unrepentant domestic terrorist to receive the Presidential Citizens Award from Bush?
Here’s another one of those stories that truly wins the irony award. In Princess Sparkle Pony’s Photo Blog (subtitle “I keep track of Condoleezza’s hairdo so you don’t have to”) is a story about a recent service at the Greater Grace Temple in Detroit. The title of the article is “Programming Note: This Week, the Part of the Golden Calf Will be Played by Three Sport Utility Vehicles”.
At this service, called “A Hybrid Hope”, Bishop Charles Ellis prayed for the future of the American auto industry. But what makes it truly astounding was that Bishop Ellis shared the altar with three SUVs (one from each company in the holy auto trinity, of course). See for yourself:
As if that wasn’t enough, Ellis summoned up hundreds of auto workers and retirees in the congregation to come forward toward the vehicles on the altar to be anointed with oil. Yes, oil. You just can’t make stuff like this up.
From Reuters, via Princess Sparkle Pony. More photos.
“How many people in our studio audience got your seats tonight because you paid off Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich?” -Jay Leno
“But did you hear about this guy? Blagojevich is charged with corruption and apparently he was stealing a lot of money, getting a lot of bribes and kickbacks and hiding them in his hair.” -David Letterman
“President-elect Barack Obama, today, called for Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich to resign. Blagojevich said, ‘I’ll do that if the price is right.'” -Conan O’Brien
“But you know what he was doing? Because Barack Obama is the President-elect who used to be one of the senators from Illinois, Blagojevich has got to appoint a senator. So he was calling up people, saying, ‘Would you like to be a senator. Well, what’s it worth to you?’ Well, I just hope to God this doesn’t tarnish the fine reputation of Illinois politics.” -David Letterman
“Speaking of Governor Blagojevich. Today — coincidence — today is his birthday. So for the second day in a row, Federal agents jumped out and yelled, ‘Surprise!'” -Conan O’Brien
“It is not all bad news for Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, because today is his birthday. If you want to get Blagojevich a present, you can’t go wrong with a good lawyer.” -Craig Ferguson
“Now, perhaps the toughest thing for Governor Blagojevich is that today, December 10, is his birthday. … First, indicted Senator Ted Stevens loses the Alaska election recount on his birthday. And now this. In fact, Hallmark has come up with a new category of cards birthdays/federal indictments. I’ve got one right here. ‘Hey, you’re not over the hill, you’re in federal custody!’ Big sellers.” -Stephen Colbert
“Illinois Governor Rod Bla-son-of-a-bitch, is that how you say his name? Is it Bla-son-of-a-bitch? I think I’m saying that right. He was arrested for conspiring to sell the Senate seat vacated by Barack Obama. … Let me tell you something. You know, you don’t buy a Senate seat in this country. You take up donations. You go out. You lie to the American people. You make promises you are never going to keep. That’s how you get to be a United States Senator.” -Jay Leno
“Rod Blagojevich was arrested for trying to sell a seat in the Senate to the highest bidder. Isn’t that crazy? Yeah. And folks, if convicted, he could wind up in prison, where his seat will be sold to the highest bidder.” -Conan O’Brien
“We’re not kidding about this economy, which is so bad that Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich had to mark down the price of a Senate seat 40%.” -David Letterman
“One guy, he was going to charge 150,000 dollars for the Senate seat, 200,000 dollars for the cup holder.” -David Letterman
“Senator Palin, on hearing of Governor Blagojevich’s recent alleged bribe-seeking troubles, has offered herself up on the political platter to govern Illinois as a sign of friendship, emphasizing that she ‘only needs to find out also where it is.'” – Maggie Van Ostrand
“A plan to bail out the Big Three automakers stalled in Congress today. Yeah. As a result, Congress plans to buy a better-built Japanese bailout plan.” -Conan O’Brien
“And I love this story. Congress wants to appoint a government car czar to oversee the auto companies. Today, President Bush said, ‘Car czar? Isn’t he the president of Afghanistan?'” -Jay Leno
“Anyway, Congress wants to appoint someone to oversee the auto industry because they lack confidence that the car companies can solve the problem themselves. You know, the same way the Senate Budget Committee kept us within a budget, remember? And the way the banking committee kept the banks from failing. And the way the Senate Energy Committee made us energy independent. We need these kinds of oversights.” -Jay Leno
“Don’t you love watching congressmen lecture auto executives on how to run their business? I mean, you got people that put us a trillion dollars in debt lecturing people who put us a billion dollars in debt.” -Jay Leno
“Joe the plumber is back in the news today. Joe the plumber, even though he spent several weeks on a bus campaigning with John McCain, he told Glenn Beck last night that he felt ‘dirty’ after discussing the issues with him. I don’t know how to tell you this, Joe, but of course you felt dirty. You work in other people’s toilets.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“He said some of the stuff coming out of McCain’s mouth was so appalling he almost got off the bus, and the only reason he didn’t is because he knew if he walked off the bus, he would be forced to return to his normal life as a simple, tax-evading fame whore.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“But Joe actually did have praise for McCain’s running mate, Sarah Palin. He called her the real deal. That’s great, I’m glad they got along. And they’re perfect for each other, in a way. In fact, they’re actually starring in a new movie together. I don’t know if you’ve heard, it’s called ‘Dumb and Plumber.'” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Big news from Washington today. Even though it may make some people uncomfortable, President-elect Obama says he’ll use his full name, Barack Hussein Obama, when he’s sworn in next month. To show support, Joe Biden is also using his full name, Joseph Adolph Fidel Puppykiller Biden.” -Craig Ferguson
“Barack Obama said that he will not smoke cigarettes while he’s in the Oval Office. He’s kind of a closet smoker. So, he said he wouldn’t smoke. And President Bush actually defended him today. President Bush said he smokes a cigar on rare occasions. He says it helps him think. Apparently it’s a very rare occasion.” -Jay Leno
“And President Bush talked about his religious believes on ABC’s ‘Nightline’ the other night. When the host asked Bush if he was a literalist when it came to the bible, Bush said, no, no, he’s actually a Methodist.” -Jay Leno
“This week, the White House sent out a memo listing President Bush’s successes and accomplishments. Actually, it’s not so much a memo as it is a Post-it note.” -Conan O’Brien
“And today, in Hollywood, some same-sex marriage supporters urged people to call in gay and not go to work to show how much our country relies on the gay and lesbian people in the workforce. Interesting idea, but it kind of backfired here in Hollywood. When they called in, there was nobody there to answer the phone.” -Jay Leno
“So, how does that work? When you call in gay to take the day off, do you have to prove it? Do you have to have a note from another gay guy? Does the note have to be signed and notarized by another gay person to make sure?” -Jay Leno
“But today, Senator Larry Craig called in not gay. Actually, he tapped the message in code with his foot.” -Jay Leno
In an interview with conservative talk-radio host Glenn Beck, Joe “the plumber” Wurzelbacher admits that he was used by the McCain campaign:
When I was on the bus with him, I asked him a lot of questions about the bailout because most Americans did not want that to happen. I asked him some pretty direct questions. Some of the answers…they appalled me, absolutely. I was angry. In fact, I wanted to get off the bus after I talked to him.
According to CNN “Wurzelbacher never appeared completely comfortable being used as a tool of the McCain campaign, and notably failed to show up at one campaign rally — prompting the Arizona senator to embarrassingly call out to him to no avail.”
Even so, Joe doesn’t seem to have learned his lesson since, despite his bad experience with the McCain/Palin campaign, he says that Sarah Palin is “absolutely the real deal.”
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