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Out of touch
Bush’s point of view
Late Night Humor
“It turns out the Chinese faked part of the opening ceremonies. They made the fireworks look more lively. It’s the same technology they use for John McCain.” -Craig Ferguson
“John Edwards, presidential aspirant and author of the famed claim that there are two Americas, was apparently only faithful to his wife in one of them. Apparently he didn’t realize that the National Enquirer had reporters stationed in the other America, where he was, in fact, banging his videographer.” -Jon Stewart
“You know, [Bush] really is adorable. He shouldn’t be our president. He should be our mascot.” -Jon Stewart
“Barack Obama said today he wouldn’t raise taxes on anyone over 70 … and McCain said Obama was just pandering to the youth vote.” -Craig Ferguson
“Now we move to our anti-Olympic update. Russia has taken a commanding lead over Georgia! Trouncing the former Soviet satellite 10,000 bombs to one.” -Jon Stewart
“War. It’s just God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” -Jon Stewart
“John McCain has been accused of stealing policy ideas from Wikipedia, which is ridiculous! Everybody knows McCain doesn’t know how to use the Internet, so how could you even accuse him of that?” -Craig Ferguson
“And now comes proof that McCain has learned to use a computer, because evidently, he has plagiarized from the internets. Congressional Quarterly reported this week that John McCain may have copied some facts in a recent speech on the Georgian crisis from Wikipedia. I think it should have been obvious when he referred to the country’s leader as President 404 Error: File Not Found.” -Stephen Colbert
“Now, I think McCain getting his facts from Wikipedia is great news. Wikipedia gets its facts from the American people, which means McCain is now using the people’s voice. Or at least lip-synching to it. Plus, the internet can be a creepy place, but it’s a lot less creepy than McCain’s previous source of foreign policy information, Joe Lieberman. Ironically, Lieberman often needs similar help when he gets confused about the difference between Republicans and Democrats.” –Stephen Colbert
What’s worse? McCain forgetting the truth or lying?
McCain’s first marriage is in the news now, partly because John Edward’s infidelities (and how conservatives have condemned him) have brought up the fact that McCain cheated on his first wife and then lied about it repeatedly.
But now there is a more interesting twist. Even though McCain claims that his divorce was amicable, it turns out that there was not one, but two lawsuits between the McCains and his first wife. Both lawsuits were settled out of court, but as the electoral-vote site points out, “as a rule, in amicable divorces, the families don’t sue each other.”
But the bigger question is whether it is worse that McCain had a slightly messy divorce, or that he is old enough that he can’t remember a lawsuit or two that he was involved in?
McCain the Antichrist
Last week I had a post about how McCain was trying to make it look like Obama was the antichrist.
Coincidentally, respected biblical scholars have uncovered dramatic evidence that it is McCain who is more likely to be the antichrist! How?
We believe that the End Times is near, based on the pattern of wars, earthquakes. and other strange phenomena we’ve been witnessing since the start of the New Millennium. Given that it may be imminent, the person who controls Babylon must be the Antichrist.
Since McCain has said he wants to maintain US forces in Iraq (the location of Babylon) for 100 years, he in effect wants to control Babylon.
But wait, there’s more! According to the scholars, the antichrist is likely to be Romanian, so they were surprised that McCain’s great-grandfather was actually not named John McCain, but John Mihai — and Mihai is a Romanian name.
What clinched it for us was that the name Mihai means ‘who is like the Lord’. As far as we’re concerned, that was enough. It means that McCain might easily pretend to be the Redeemer.
Finally, even McCain’s likability is consistent with being the antichrist.
Many people think that the Antichrist will be a evil-seeming leader, but in fact the Bible tells us that he will be charming.
Irony just doesn’t get any better than this.
We the Purple
Animated map showing presidential election results since 1900 using the traditional red-blue coloring:
From Bob Aman.
Open Season on Democrats
How to get People in Glass Houses to stop throwing stones
Jed Lewison has been tracking how many times the mainstream media mentioned John Edwards’ affair, and yesterday the number dropped by a factor of four. Why? On Sean Hannity’s show, Alan Colmes finally got tired of a bunch of conservatives yammering on about how you can’t trust someone who cheats on his wife, and asked the obvious question — what about John McCain’s affair? He cheated on his injured wife, and lied about it. Why can we trust McCain and not Edwards?
I guess once the media realized that if they keep talking about Edwards’ affair, they might have to talk about McCain’s affair, they decided it was better to just shut up.
Watch Colmes:
No longer a crime to violate the law
The former US Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, and other members of Bush’s administration conspired to fire US attorneys for political reasons, hire lawyers for the Justice Department based mainly on partisan loyalty rather than skill or experience, and (worst of all) decided which prosecutions to take to trial based on helping Republicans win elections and defeating Democrats. In other words, they made a partisan farce of the Justice department.
But now, the new Attorney General, Michael Mukasey has decided to not prosecute anyone for any of this. His explanation? “Not every wrong, or even every violation of the law, is a crime.” If that weren’t bad enough, he said that the guilty parties have already been punished by “substantial negative publicity.”
The next time a politician talks about the need for personal responsibility, just remember that they are talking about other people — such things don’t apply to them.
Putin’s Soul has Tanked
In 2001, Bush looked into Putin’s soul, and found him “straightforward and trustworthy”. Now, 7 years later, nothing that Putin says or does surprises anyone anymore.
Invading Georgia — heckuva job, Putin!
Late Night Humor
“As you know, President Bush is on a week-long tour to Asia, where he’ll visit South Korea, Thailand and China — or as the White House calls it, ‘The Everything-Sold-at-Wal-Mart Tour.'” -Jay Leno
“President Bush arrived in Beijing earlier today. And before stepping out of the plane, he tested the air with a canary. But they got together, the Chinese, and threw a big state dinner for President Bush in his honor. They served Peking lame duck. And President Bush, he doesn’t know what he’s doing over there. He turned to the president of China, and he said, ‘General Tso, I love your chicken.'” -David Letterman
“Human rights activists have sent a letter to President Bush, asking him to raise human rights issues with the Chinese government during the Olympics. Unfortunately, they also sent a letter to the Chinese government asking them to bring up human rights issues with President Bush. So, it’s pretty much a wash.” -Jay Leno
“President Bush arrived in Beijing earlier today. Again, I don’t think he really understands the Olympics that well. Like, they asked him if he liked the decathlon, and he said, no, he preferred regular coffee.” -Jay Leno
“More than 60 heads of state will be at the opening ceremonies, so security is extremely tight in China, which has been very hard on the locals there. Many stores and factories in Beijing have been required to close, and people have been forced out of their houses. It’s sort of like here in the United States, only for them, it’ll end in a couple of weeks.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“President Bush, this is interesting, was going to make history, he becomes the first sitting U.S. president to attend the Olympics in a foreign country. He said he’s been looking forward to it, ever since he heard that in China, people are not allowed to make fun of political leaders” -Jimmy Kimmel
“I thought this was nice, at one point during the (Olympic) ceremony tonight they had 56 children march in, all belonging to John Edwards.” -Jay Leno
“While after vigorously denying reports of his extramarital affair, and calling the story ridiculous, untrue and tabloid trash, John Edwards today admitted he had an affair. And the National Enquirer was the only publication writing about it, the National Enquirer was the first to break it, turns out it was true. You know what this means? Elvis is alive! Bigfoot is real! Aliens are here! It’s all true!” -Jay Leno
“Well, Democrats are furious, they’re going on record now saying John Edwards will not be allowed to speak at the convention because of this affair. Yeah, instead speaking in his place: Bill Clinton. You have to put your foot down.” -Jay Leno
“In fact, when John McCain heard about the John Edwards affair, he said ‘Well, thank God I can’t get an erection anymore, whew.’ Some problems just take care of themselves.” -Jay Leno
“Barack Obama heading to Hawaii for a vacation with his family. And President Bush commented on that today. He said: ‘First Europe, now Hawaii. Maybe he should spend some time campaigning in America.'” -Jay Leno
“Earlier this week on the Internet, Paris Hilton posted her own ad to spoof the ad John McCain made about her. The McCain camp responded by that by saying Paris Hilton supports McCain’s approach to America’s energy crisis. You know, how desperate is your presidential campaign when you have to try and convince people that Paris Hilton agrees with you? Personally, I’m not voting till I hear what Britney has to say.” -Jay Leno
“And that Paris Hilton ad about John McCain has gotten over five million hits on the web. Five million, isn’t that amazing? More people have seen the ad than have seen John McCain ” -Jay Leno
“Well, according to a new study, coffee can improve your memory, that’s what they say, drinking coffee improves your memory. Which is good news for both Barack Obama and John McCain. If we can get them to have some coffee before their first debate, maybe they can remember what their original positions were.” -Jay Leno
“And as you may have heard, Osama bin Laden’s driver found guilty of supporting terrorism. Osama bin Laden very upset today. He said, ‘From now on, when I hire a driver, I’m going to do a background check.'” -Jay Leno