Paul Ryan explains how his new budget will work for America, returning our country to what it was under the founding fathers: “Under this plan, if you lose your job and have your house foreclosed, the government isn’t going to bail you out any more.” Instead, any American who can no longer compete in the […]
“Rick Santorum wants to crack down on pornography. Most political analysts say it could hurt him with the ‘every single man in America’ vote.” – Jimmy Kimmel “Santorum said when he’s in the White House he’ll tell his attorney general to prosecute people who distribute any content that is deemed obscene. Will he appoint a […]
“March Madnesss… the only place where you hear ‘Kansas is advancing.’” – Bill Maher “You know who hates March Madness? Rick Santorum. It combines the two things he hates most, college and putting something in a hole.” – Bill Maher “First Santorum is against the gays, then contraception, now porn. This guy is more backed […]
“This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty – unless she’s on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.” – Stephen Colbert “The Army is pulling out of Rush. Meanwhile, they’re staying in Afghanistan to negotiate with the Taliban, who evidently have a better track record on […]
Mitt Romney as Eminem: UPDATE: Here’s a new meme, started by one of Romney’s staffers, that Romney is an “Etch a Sketch”. You shake him up and restart all over. © Adam Zyglis
“How about those Republican presidential candidates. Newt Gingrich is behind in delegates. But he’s leading in chins.” – David Letterman “Newt Gingrich has promised to cut the price of gas to $2.50 a gallon… it’s not catching on with the voters. See, here’s my question: what kind of candidate are you if people are willing […]
“Rush Limbaugh is losing advertisers. Crisco was one and then he lost Hostess Cupcakes. Now the only advertiser Rush has left on his radio show is Conrad Murray’s Sleep Clinic.” – David Letterman “President Obama was at one of the games at Dayton, Ohio, tonight. He brought British Prime Minister David Cameron with him. It’s […]
© Tom Toles Is anyone still actually paying attention to the Republican primary? John McCain on Meet the Press said this presidential primary is “the nastiest I’ve ever seen” and added “it’s gone way too long and gotten way, way too personal.”
“Here’s some very scary news: They say gasoline could be $6 a gallon. But the good news is the White House says President Obama is aware of the problem, and will continue to talk about it between fundraisers.” – Jay Leno “President Obama today released his NCAA bracket. He is a huge basketball fan. But […]
“Rick Santorum has come out against contraception and against college. He wants us literally to be fucking stupid.” – Bill Maher “Rick Santorum nearly won Ohio, despite a flood of ads that said that Rick Santorum is a creepy, far-right, socially backward extremist – and those were his ads. That’s how he sells himself.” – […]
“The latest polls show President Obama’s approval rating among women has risen by 10 percent. Many people believe this increase is due to Obama’s new campaign slogan: ‘Tell me about your day.’” – Conan O’Brien “In a few months Obama’s going to unveil this one: ‘Would you like white wine and a foot massage?’” – […]
© Jim Morin After the “more conservative than thou” primary season, will the Republican party be able to right itself to appeal to mainstream voters and independents?
“Last night was Super Tuesday – a 10-state GOP Primary orgy. A big, sweaty pile of lever-yankin’ Republican voters. And like most orgies, it involves a bunch of middle aged guys who are not appealing to women.” – Stephen Colbert “Mitt Romney just barely won the Republican primary in Ohio by 1%. … Then Romney […]
“Today is the multi-state primary known as ‘Super Tuesday.’ It’s going to be followed tomorrow by ‘Now we’re really stuck with Romney Wednesday.’” – Conan O’Brien “With Super Tuesday coming up… there is not much time left until all conservatives are obliged to bury our feelings and find Mitt Romney attractive.” – Stephen Colbert “It’s […]
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