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Leaf Our Kids Alone!

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Samantha Bee’s stories just keep getting better and better. This one has extra added irony.

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Supreme Court Buffered

Friday, June 27, 2014

Yesterday, the Supreme Court struck down a law that prevents protestors from coming within 35 feet of abortion clinics in Massachusetts. The decision against the buffer zone was unanimous, ruling the law a violation of the First Amendment.

Ironically, the Supreme Court itself still has a buffer zone — federal law prohibits protestors from congregating on the plaza around the Supreme Court building. In fact, a challenge to the Supreme Court buffer zone is making its way through the courts. Meanwhile, a year ago the court issued a rule that requires pedestrians to “maintain suitable order and decorum within the Supreme Court building and grounds”.

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Late Night Political Humor

Friday, June 27, 2014

“This morning the Pentagon announced that the United States has captured a leader responsible for the Benghazi attacks. Republicans were ecstatic and said, ‘So, they finally got Hillary?'” – Conan O’Brien

“President Obama is sending a couple hundred troops to Iraq. We spent six years trying to figure a way to get out of Iraq. And now we’re back. But this time there is an exit strategy. Barack Obama has an exit strategy. In 2016, he’s gone.” – David Letterman

“Now, the way I hear it the Iraqi army had some trouble with the insurgents and they just dropped their guns, took off their uniforms, and went home — just like the Miami Heat.” – David Letterman

“Yesterday, the Iranian president tweeted a picture of himself all alone watching a World Cup game on television. Yeah, then he watched his favorite show — ‘It’s Always Sunni in Philadelphia.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Soccer is one of those things that the rest of the world cares more about than we do – you know, like healthcare, education, gun control.” – David Letterman

“Protesters at the World Cup got into trouble for burning American flags. It’s a shame because children in China worked very hard to make those flags.” – Conan O’Brien

“If you love soccer, you have to wait four years for a World Cup. It’s like making an appointment with a VA doctor.” – David Letterman

“Today at the World Cup, Mexico and Brazil ended in a 0-0 tie. Fun fact: Both teams were ordered by their coaches to abstain from sex. In other words, these guys can’t score on or off the field.” – Conan O’Brien

“In a new interview, Hillary Clinton said the Bible is the most influential book she’s ever read. Some people think she might be pandering to Southern Christian voters. Then Hillary said, ‘Oh come on y’all — little ol’ me?'” – Jimmy Fallon

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Third Party?

Thursday, June 26, 2014

It looks like Erick Erickson, the founder of the website RedState.com, doesn’t feel particularly Red (as in Republican) right now. In an editorial published Wednesday, he says:

Having been an elected Republican and someone who routinely takes the position of supporting conservatives in primaries and Republicans in general elections, the Mississippi race does crystalize for me the desires of many to start a third party. In essence, tea party activists are the RINOs. A Republican Party campaigning on making the Senate “conservative,” used liberal Democrats to preserve an incumbent Republican and defeat a conservative. The actual conservatives are the outsiders with the GOP establishment doing all it could to preserve its power at the expense of its principles.

The problem for those who call themselves Republicans is that it is harder and harder to say exactly what a Republican is these days. The great lesson from Mississippi is that Republican means, more or less, that if elected the party will reward its major donors, who are just different than the Democrats’ major donors. Policy differences are about different donors, not an actual agenda to shift the country in a different direction.

The Republicans have become the party of lobbyists, most of whom were on twitter celebrating their purchase.

Mississippi is a crystalizing election in that sense. Cochran is, for all intents and purposes, a marionette. His strings are pulled by staffers and lobbyists. They drop him onto the stage of the Senate and pull up a string to raise his hand. These puppeteers are so invested in keeping their gravy train going that they will, while claiming to be Republicans, flood a Republican primary with Obama voters to ensure their gravy train continues.

There’s more…

But to me, it sounds like Erickson is bemoaning the same problem that bothers many liberals — that there is just too much damn money in politics. So would he consider teaming up with progressives who want campaign finance reform? That would be an interesting partnership.

In the end, Erickson concludes:

I’m just not sure what the Republican Party really stands for any more other than telling Obama no and telling our own corporate interests yes. That’s not much of a platform.

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Late Night Political Humor

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

“President Obama just had his annual physical, which showed that he’s suffering some pain in his right foot. When asked why he doesn’t get it treated, Obama said bitterly, ‘It’s not covered by Obamacare.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Over the weekend, President Obama got his annual presidential physical. His cholesterol is up and his approval rating is down.” – David Letterman

“Obama wants to lower his cholesterol, but Congress is blocking him.” – David Letterman

“The doctor said Obama passed his physical. That’s the first thing he’s passed in the second term.” – David Letterman

“The World Cup is underway. A lot of World Cup soccer players have been faking injuries to draw a penalty from the other team. Meanwhile, a lot of Americans have been faking following the World Cup.” – Conan O’Brien

“Pope Francis has pledged to remain neutral during the World Cup. When asked why, the Pope said, ‘I picked the Miami Heat and look how that turned out.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Some Northern California counties want to form a separate state. They smoke a lot of weed up there. What would you call a state based on marijuana? Toke-lahoma. Flori-duh. How about Spliffs-consin? Dela-weed. New Hemp-shire.” – Craig Ferguson

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Turnabout is Fair Play

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Matt Bors
© Matt Bors

As Pogo would say, “We have met the enemy, and they are us!”

Or is this just another example of the old adage that if you go in opposite directions on the political spectrum, you will eventually meet yourself?

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Pay for (bad) Performance

Monday, June 23, 2014

A new university study finds that a high CEO compensation actually correlates with worse financial performance for their company.

In plain words, not only do these high-priced CEOs cost more (in salary and other compensation), they also cost their companies in other ways, including lower stock price and lower profitability. In fact, CEOs with an average compensation of more than $20 million were associated with an average yearly loss of $1.4 billion for the firms they ran.

The main problem is that higher compensation is associated with CEO overconfidence in their own decision making, which leads to stupid decisions. In particular, overpaid CEOs are more likely to do risky takeovers and other questionable mergers and acquisitions, which typically hurt their company’s performance.

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Support our Troop!

Monday, June 23, 2014

Signe Wilkinson
© Signe Wilkinson

Ironically, Dick Cheney wrote that editorial with his daughter Liz, whose birth conveniently provided him with a draft deferral. Isn’t it time?

Then we will see if he is greeted as a liberator!

UPDATE: Civil war seems to be breaking out in the Republican party. Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) said yesterday that people like Dick Cheney who blame the president for the current violence should take a look in the mirror. Paul says we need to ask the people who supported the 2003 invasion of Iraq “Were they right in their predictions? Were there weapons of mass destruction there? Was the war won in 2005, when many of those people said it was won?”

In turn, Cheney strikes back: “Rand Paul, with all due respect, is basically an isolationist. He doesn’t believe we ought to be involved in that part of the world. That didn’t work in the 1930s, it sure as heck won’t work in the aftermath of 9/11, when 19 guys armed with airline tickets and box cutters came all the way from Afghanistan and killed 3,000 of our citizens.”

Cheney tries to deflect criticism of his handling of Iraq when he was vice president by saying “I was a strong supporter then of going into Iraq, I’m a strong supporter now. Everybody knows what my position is. There’s nothing to be argued about there. But if we spend our time debating what happened 11 or 12 years ago, we’re going to miss the threat that is growing and that we do face.”

Personally, I think it is he who is stuck in the past, bringing up 9/11 as a justification for stupid wars, when there was absolutely no connection between 9/11 and Iraq. Not to mention how his administration bungled 9/11 itself.

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Pat Robertson on Iraq

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Last week, televangelist Pat Robertson went off on George W. Bush for selling us a “bill of goods” to justify the invasion of Iraq. When asked on his show if there was a solution to the current rise of violence in Iraq, he responded:

Right now, what we did — and it was a great mistake to go in there. … And so to sell the American people on weapons of mass destruction, he had WMD and was getting [concentrated uranium] yellowcake out of Africa and all of that, it was a lot of nonsense. We were sold a bill of goods, we should never have gone into that country!

As bad as Saddam Hussein was, he held those warring factions in check, and he contained those radical Islamists. Fix it, no? It’s too late to fix it. It’s unfixable. Those simmering animosities have been there for centuries. They will continue to play out until such times that the Lord brings out of Babylon some evil Antichrist or something.

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Who wants to cut federal spending?

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Once again, the Air Force has recommended retiring the A-10 (“Warthog”) support airplane, which would save us taxpayers $4 billion. That’s quite a chunk of change, and given that everyone keeps talking about how we need to cut spending and reduce the deficit, you would think it would be a slam dunk to kill an airplane that even the Air Force doesn’t want.

But you would be wrong.

On Thursday, the House approved an amendment to the 2015 defense appropriations bill, which prevents the elimination of the A-10. The bill was sponsored by both Democrats and Republicans and passed 300-114. Ironically, even the House appropriations committee voted to eliminate the A-10, which has a relatively aged design. I guess Congress can’t figure out how to put their money where their mouth is.

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Late Night Political Humor

Saturday, June 21, 2014

“House Majority Leader Eric Cantor lost Virginia’s Republican primary to a Tea Party candidate. And get this. It was revealed that Cantor’s campaign actually spent more money at steakhouses than his opponent spent on his entire campaign. Or as one of my guests tonight put it, ‘So? What’s wrong with that?’ Hey, I’m talking about Chris Rock, not Chris Christie.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Since House Majority Leader Eric Cantor lost to an anti-immigration candidate, many Republicans are feeling pressure to take a harder stance on immigration. In fact, the Republicans are so paranoid, today Chris Christie sent back his chimichanga.” – Conan O’Brien

“Today is the start of the World Cup in Brazil. I know you guys know that. I’m telling Brazil. ‘Hurry up. Finish the stadium!'” – Seth Meyers

“Today was the start of the World Cup. It’s that special time of the year when Americans in bars shrug, ‘Well, I guess we’re watching this now.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“The World Cup starts today, which means you’re all about to find out which of your friends lived in Europe for a year.” – Seth Meyers

“Hey, America’s in the World Cup. Did you even know that? Experts say they have less than a 1 percent chance of winning the World Cup, and even their coach said winning is not realistic — all of which sounds like one hell of a pre-game pep talk.” – Conan O’Brien

“The U.S. is scheduled to play Germany soon at the World Cup. President Obama and German Chancellor Angela Merkel already have a bet going. The loser keeps Hasselhoff.” – Craig Ferguson

“The Russians will probably do well at the World Cup. Today Vladimir Putin gave the Russian team a motivational speech. He said, ‘Remember, if you can’t beat ’em – invade ’em.'” – Craig Ferguson

“George H.W. Bush turned 90 today and he celebrated by jumping out of a plane. Isn’t that cool? So if you include Obama there were two presidents in freefall today.” – Conan O’Brien

“Father’s Day is just a few days away. And in a new interview President Obama said that he is a fun dad who teeters on the edge of embarrassing his kids. Because nothing says you’re a fun dad like SAYING you’re a fun dad.” – Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new study, the number of car crashes linked to marijuana has risen. Fortunately, when the cars crashed they were all going eight miles per hour.” – Conan O’Brien

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WMD

Friday, June 20, 2014

Jeff Danziger
© Jeff Danziger

Saddam Hussain was our friend before he became our enemy. The Reagan administration even supplied him with weapons and lied about it. And they looked the other way when Hussain used chemical weapons – the same weapons we would later use as an excuse to invade Iraq.

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Late Night Political Humor

Friday, June 20, 2014

“A Tea Party candidate won Virginia’s Republican primary, mostly on his anti-immigration stance. His first plan is to change the state’s slogan from ‘Virginia is for lovers’ to ‘Virginia is for lovers who habla ingles.'” – Conan O’Brien

“House Majority Leader Eric Cantor was defeated in the primary election. He spent $5 million on his primary campaign. Ladies and gentlemen, what is wrong with this country when you can no longer buy an election?” – David Letterman

“While trying to get re-elected, Eric Cantor spent $168,000 on steakhouses. Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie said, ‘That’s all?'” – David Letterman

“Oh no! Congress’s current golden age of cooperation and productiveness is over.” – Jon Stewart (on pundit predictions that the defeat of House Majority Leader Eric Cantor will make it impossible for Republicans to cooperate with Democrats)

“The campaign manager who helped unseat House Majority Leader Eric Cantor last night is a 23-year-old man who interviewed for a job at Panera Bread last month. Said Cantor, ‘Is that position still available?'” – Seth Meyers

“For the second day in a row, President Obama made an unscheduled trip out of the White House, this time for a burger at a nearby restaurant. Obama wants to be OUT of the White House more than Hillary wants to be IN it. Well, almost.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Hillary Clinton said she may not run for president because she loves having time to hang out with her friends. Thankfully, most of her friends live in Iowa, New Hampshire, Ohio, Florida, and the great state of Pennsylvania.” – Seth Meyers

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People who live in glass houses, throwing stones

Thursday, June 19, 2014

It takes a special kind of chutzpah for Dick Cheney to publish an op-ed piece in the Wall Street Journal, saying things like this:

Rarely has a U.S. president been so wrong about so much at the expense of so many. Too many times to count, Mr. Obama has told us he is “ending” the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan — as though wishing made it so. His rhetoric has now come crashing into reality.

Yup, this is Dick Cheney, who famously espoused so much neo-con bullshit:

  • “And he [Saddam Hussein] is actively pursuing nuclear weapons at this time.” (March, 2002)
  • “I think it will go relatively quickly. Weeks rather than months.” (March, 2003)
  • “My belief is we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators.” (March, 2003)
  • “I think they’re in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency.” (July, 2005)

The editorial even claims:

Mr. Obama had only to negotiate an agreement to leave behind some residual American forces, training and intelligence capabilities to help secure the peace. Instead, he abandoned Iraq and we are watching American defeat snatched from the jaws of victory.

Except that Cheney seems to forget that it was George W. Bush who signed the agreement mandating the removal of all American forces from Iraq by the end of 2011.

Dick, STFU.

UPDATE: Senate majority leader Harry Reid responds “Being on the wrong side of Dick Cheney is being on the right side of history.”

UPDATE 2: Cheney lied us into war, and he personally profited from that war by giving no-bid contracts to Halliburton. He also had his hands in illegal torture. There were no terrorists in Iraq before we invaded. I completely agree with Thom Hartmann’s opinion, “Dick Cheney should be rotting in a prison cell at The Hague, not writing editorials for the Wall Street Journal.” Yes, Obama did do something wrong. In my opinion, it was in not bringing the greedy lying perpetrators of the Iraq war to justice.

Yi0508K

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Late Night Political Humor

Thursday, June 19, 2014

“President Obama went for a walk and went to a Starbucks. If this guy can afford coffee at Starbucks, the economy must be improving.” – David Letterman

“President Obama surprised tourists by walking to a Starbucks near the White House. Even more surprising, he traded five Taliban members for a grande soy latte.” – Seth Meyers

“The president was sitting there having his coffee with his laptop open, arranging another deal for Taliban prisoners.” – David Letterman

“President Obama had a cup of his favorite coffee – the Kenyan Socialist.” – David Letterman

“President Obama’s daughter Sasha turned 13 years old today. That means that now he has two teenage girls. But thanks to Congress, he’s used to people ignoring him.” – Jimmy Fallon

“In her new memoir, Hillary Clinton said the Obama campaign wanted her to attack Sarah Plain. So did her husband Bill, but only because he loves a good cat fight.” – Conan O’Brien

“Lawmakers in Jamaica are now considering a bill that would legalize marijuana. Let me repeat myself: Lawmakers in Jamaica are considering a bill to legalize marijuana. In related news, lawmakers in Italy are considering a bill to legalize spaghetti, and lawmakers in Ireland are considering a bill to legalize whiskey.” – Jimmy Fallon

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