Political Irony

Late Night Political Humor

Monday, March 18, 2013

“How about that Rand Paul? There was some old-fashioned Mr. Smith Goes to Washington excitement this week. He filibustered the old-school way. He stood up there for 13 hours and demanded an answer from the president about whether it’s constitutional to kill an American on American soil with a drone. And Obama shot back, ‘Don’t push me!’” – Bill Maher

“Back in 1957 Mr. Strom Thurmond stood up there for 24 hours, pausing only once to impregnate a black lady, so I’m not impressed.” – Bill Maher

“Obama took twelve Republicans out to dinner this week, at a restaurant; like a date, and he picked up the tab…he put down the White House credit card. Bad news for the economy, it was denied.” – Bill Maher

“Two key questions emerged from the dinner: 1) whether anything can get done without the Repbulican leadership; and 2) why do John McCain and Lindsey Graham always go to the bathroom in pairs. I’m just going to call them McCainsey from now on.” – Bill Maher

“They’re calling it Obama’s charm offensive because he took Republicans to dinner, and then he had Paul Ryan over for lunch. And it’s working apparently. This has been the problem all along. Republicans will put out, you just have to buy them a meal and tell them they are pretty first.” – Bill Maher

“If seeing this nice lady (Michelle Obama) on TV saying she likes the movies, or nutrition, or exercise fills you with rage, get help.” – Bill Maher

“The TSA this week announced that it will now allow airline passengers to carry previously banned pocket knives, baseball bats and pool cues on planes. And no one’s happier than Honkytonk Bar Fight Airlines.” – Seth Meyers

“North Korea this week announced they are sick of our shit and thermo-nuclear war is on. Which made everyone think ‘What the fuck did Dennis Rodman say?!’” – Bill Maher

“Republicans in Arkansas passed the strictest abortion law ever… they say in the bill that life begins when your sister gets drunk.” – Bill Maher

“A poll came out this week and said a large majority of American Catholics want someone younger and all the cardinals said ‘girlfriend, who doesn’t’.” –Bill Maher

“New Rule: If you buy the new hybrid electric Ferrari – fuck you. A one-million dollar hybrid – that ought to impress the hippie chicks selling soap at the farmer’s market. Finally, the car for a billionaire who wants his carbon footprint to be as small as his penis.” – Bill Maher

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The Difference Between the Right and the Left

Sunday, March 17, 2013

After the Nth Gun Massacre in recent history, there was a small attempt to discuss potential ways that we might be able to reduce gun violence. But the far right went nuts (even more nuts than usual), stockpiling guns and ammunition, calling for everyone to carry concealed weapons and allowing more guns in schools, walking around in public openly carrying guns, claiming that massacres are inevitable because we don’t have mandatory prayer in schools (yes, a major GOP candidate for president actually said that), but most of all screaming about how the government is trying to take away our rights.

But what happens when the shoe is on the other foot? Last week, Family Research Council senior fellow Pat Fagan appeared on Washington Watch to discuss the 1972 Supreme Court decision that overturned a Massachusetts law banning the distribution of contraceptives to unmarried people, saying it may rank “as the single most destructive decision in the history of the Court.”

The court decided that single people have the right to contraceptives. What’s that got to do with marriage? Everything, because what the Supreme Court essentially said is single people have the right to engage in sexual intercourse. Well, societies have always forbidden that, there were laws against it. Now sure, single people are inclined to push the fences and jump over them, particularly if they are in love with each other and going onto marriage, but they always knew they were doing wrong. In this case the Supreme Court said, take those fences away they can do whatever they like, and they didn’t address at all what status children had, what status the commons had, by commons I mean the rest of the United States, have they got any standing in this case? They just said no, singles have the right to contraceptives we mean singles have the right to have sex outside of marriage. Brushing aside millennia, thousands and thousands of years of wisdom, tradition, culture and setting in motion what we have.

It’s not the contraception, everybody thinks it’s about contraception, but what this court case said was young people have the right to engage in sex outside of marriage. Society never gave young people that right, functioning societies don’t do that, they stop it, they punish it, they corral people, they shame people, they do whatever. The institution for the expression of sexuality is marriage and all societies always shepherded young people there, what the Supreme Court said was forget that shepherding, you can’t block that, that’s not to be done.

So if the left acted like the right, shouldn’t progressives be screaming that the Family Research Council is trying to take away our rights? They are coming for our birth control! Shouldn’t we be stockpiling condoms? Having premarital sex in public? Calling for more sex education in schools? Screaming that after they take away our guns and sex, they will outlaw rock and roll?

Don’t believe me? Less than a month ago, over one third of the members of the Virginia State House of Delegates voted in favor of a law that makes cohabitation and sex outside of marriage (which includes all gay sex) punishable by a $500 fine for the first offense, and up to a year in jail plus a fine of $2,500 for a second offense.

Come on, where is the outrage?

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Late Night Political Humor

Sunday, March 17, 2013

“President Obama took a group of Republicans to dinner last night. And at the end of the meal, the president personally picked up the tab. Afterwards, Republicans said ‘Typical Democrat. Spend, spend, spend’.” – Conan O’Brien

“All tours of the White House have been canceled due to budget concerns. Don’t worry, there’s another way get into the White House if you don’t belong. Fake your birth certificate.” – Craig Ferguson

“Tonight there’s a comet. A comet making the closest approach ever to earth. Now is it really a comet? Or is it one of President Obama’s drones?” – Craig Ferguson

“North Korea has threatened to nuke the United States. Which begs the question, what the hell did Dennis Rodman say over there?” – Conan O’Brien [I’ve been wondering this one myself! –iron]

“New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has a new crusade. He wants people to stop listening to loud music in their headphones. Wasn’t that the plot of ‘Footloose’?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Mayor Bloomberg must throw the worst parties ever. How long before he just starts showing up on street corners and whacking the hot dogs out of people’s hands?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Last week horse meat was covered in IKEA’s meat balls. This morning it was discovered in IKEA’s hot dogs. This is making me think twice about taking my family to dinner at a furniture store.” – Conan O’Brien

“Mark Zuckerberg unveiled a new Facebook news feed today. It promises to revolutionize the way we see pictures of our friends’ feet on vacation.” – Jimmy Kimmel

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Irrational Exuberance?

Saturday, March 16, 2013

I don’t know why, but every time something financial keeps going up and up, despite there not being any particular reason for it doing so, I keep thinking that it is just another economic bubble about to burst. Have I really become that jaded? Or am I just one of the only sane people left?

Well, at least I’m not alone. Here’s a comment left on the above comic:

This is what happens when we have a demand side economic problem, persisting for several years, and the Federal Reserve keeps increasingly pushing supply side easing. The low interest rates, and now third round of bond buying keeps is supposedly pumping gobs of money into the system in the hopes of stimulating the economy. The problem is that the problem is not on the supply side. Banks have money to loan but aren’t loaning it. Businesses don’t need to expand to meet demand, so they are not expanding, meaning no jobs are being created. Both are looking for some place to stash all the cash that they have become bloated with and it is currently going into the stock market. This is what is driving the DOW up. It is yet another artificial bubble. The consumer of course gets to hold the damned empty bag by paying for it through inflation, which only exacerbates the demand side problems.

What I don’t get is why is it considered acceptable to give all this money to those entities who already have too damned much and are absolutely choking on it, but not to give any to those who desperately need it? Why is it considered acceptable to spend billions of dollars in foreign countries to aide them, yet here we’re cutting off unemployment benefits when people can’t get jobs. Unemployment figures down doesn’t equate to employment being up. In this case it is indicates the ranks of those who’ve fallen off the list and probably into despair.

If money were injected in at the bottom of the economy, it would work its way up through the supply chain, with the effect compounded several times over. When it is injected at the top, only a small fraction makes its way down and now, even that isn’t happening.

Remember the cash for clunkers deal? What was probably the most short lived of all the economic stimulus ideas and the one most loathed by those in power? It had an effect up and down the supply chain, from the consumer all the way to the steel mills.

Eventually this bubble is going to burst and when it does, look out below.

I totally agree.

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Late Night Political Humor

Thursday, March 14, 2013

“I must have missed the moment when racism ended. I wonder when it was? The time Ross dated Aisha Tyler on ‘Friends’? Or when Keebler added a black elf? Oh, I know. It must have been when they made slavery illegal in Mississippi all the way back in … four weeks ago.” – Stephen Colbert

“Former president of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, died yesterday. Sean Penn actually went down to Venezuela and met Chavez a few times. He’s a polarizing figure that a lot of Americans really don’t like. Chavez was, too.” – Craig Ferguson

“The people of Venezuela aren’t sure who’ll replace Hugo Chavez. CBS suggested Ashton Kutcher.” – Craig Ferguson

“A major snowstorm has hit the East Coast. In Washington, D.C., everything ground to a halt – and then the snowstorm hit.” – Conan O’Brien

“Due to budget cuts, all tours of the White House have been canceled indefinitely. When he heard, Joe Biden said, ‘Now I’ll never see it’.” – Conan O’Brien

“Today Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell released a Harlem Shake video. So just when you think a trend is dead, it’s made cool again by Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.” – Conan O’Brien

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Why do we even need minimum wage laws?

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

[Before you think I’m against minimum wage laws (I’m not) and complain in the comments, read the whole post.]

An article in the Huffington Post points out something that I think should be obvious to all businesspeople, but apparently isn’t. The article is about Costco CEO Craig Jelinek, who recently came out in favor of increasing the federal minimum wage. But for him, paying good wages is just good business:

At Costco, we know that paying employees good wages makes good sense for business. Instead of minimizing wages, we know it’s a lot more profitable in the long term to minimize employee turnover and maximize employee productivity, commitment and loyalty. We support efforts to increase the federal minimum wage.

And indeed, Costco just announced that its profits are up over 36% from the same period a year ago.

Ironically, Costco would be largely unaffected by raising the minimum wage. In 2011, the average Costco worker made around $45,000. And Costco provides health insurance for part- and full-time employees. Compare this to another well-known big box membership store, who famously skimps on health insurance and pays its employees an average of $17,486 per year. So, does paying (much) better salary and benefits pay off? Obviously, Costco isn’t in precisely the same business as Walmart (or its membership store, Sam’s Club), but Costco makes more than $10,000 per employee, while Walmart makes $7,400 per employee. And that’s not counting other benefits, like lower employee turnover and better customer satisfaction by having employees who actually like their job and have been around long enough to know how to do it.

Other companies (including Starbucks) have figured this out. Keeping your employees happy and healthy leads to profits. Google is another example of a company that figured out that providing really good benefits to your employees provides even better returns in increased productivity.

I work in the computer industry (including as a CEO and starting multiple companies) and I know that the most important thing you can do is hire the best talent and make them happy. Studies have shown that good programmers can be more than an order of magnitude more productive than their peers. Recruiting and keeping these people can not just increase profits, but make the difference between a successful company and failure.

But as long as our country is obsessed with cost cutting and short term profits, we will need minimum wage laws. It is time to raise the minimum wage. Not just because it is the right thing to do, but because it is good for business.

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Late Night Political Humor

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

“A huge snowstorm is set to hit Washington, D.C., and it’s being called the Snowquester. Democrats say it could be 10 inches, Republicans want it cut down to 2.” – Conan O’Brien

“A lot of people are worried about the effects of the budget cuts. The automatic budget cuts could lead to a huge drop in food inspections. So be careful if you eat at the Olive Garden; your meal may contain trace amounts of Italian food.” – Conan O’Brien

“If you need more proof that the president is no friend of Israel, just do the math. Back in 2007, President Bush supported Israel with $2.3 billion in foreign military aid. This year, President Obama wants to bring that down to just $3.1 billion. I know it looks like it’s going up, but remember: in Hebrew you read charts from right to left.” – Stephen Colbert

“It is Election Day. We’re going for a new mayor. At one point, our mayor was hanging around with Charlie Sheen. Everyone was wondering: Why would the most powerful guy in the city, a role model, and pillar of our community, want to hang around with the mayor?” – Craig Ferguson

“It’s been almost a decade since we’ve had a new mayor. It’s starting to seem like the mayor of Los Angeles was one of those jobs for life. Like Supreme Court judge, or host of ‘The Tonight Show’.” – Craig Ferguson

“Cardinals from all over the world are gathering in Rome to select the next Pope. You can watch the whole process on ‘Vatican’s Got Talent’.” – Conan O’Brien

“Jon Stewart has announced he will be taking the summer off from ‘The Daily Show.’ We wish him all the best in his new project: ruling the country of Venezuela.” – Stephen Colbert

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What part of Homeland don’t they understand?

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

According to that hot-bed of anti-war sentiment, Forbes magazine, the Department of Homeland Security has issued a purchase order for 1.6 billion rounds of ammunition. Yes, that’s billion. To give you an idea of how much that is, at the worst of the Iraq war, we were expending less than 6 million rounds of ammo a month, so 1.6 billion rounds would be enough to cover a war hotter than the Iraq war for over 20 years.

But here’s the weird part. This is the Department of Homeland Security we are talking about. So that would be a war fought on the streets of America. What are they doing? Preparing for a coup d’etat? I sure hope not.

DHS is also acquiring heavily armored personnel carriers, although these are leftovers from the Iraq and Afghan wars.

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The Search for Intelligent Life

Monday, March 11, 2013

Poor Monsanto

[If anyone knows the source for this image, please let me know.]

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Late Night Political Humor

Monday, March 11, 2013

“In his first interview since losing the election, Mitt Romney says it kills him to not be in the White House. He said he’ll always think of it as the one house he couldn’t buy.” – Conan O’Brien

“President Obama has nominated Wal-Mart executive Sylvia Burwell to be his budget director. The President says he’s excited by her experience at Wal-Mart. Sylvia Burwell said she’s excited to be making more than $9.85 per hour.” – Conan O’Brien

“Obama’s sci-fi flub should be the GOP’s gain. After all, Republicans and nerds have so much in common. They both live in fantasy worlds, and have no idea how to relate to women. And, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell bears a striking resemblance to Admiral Ackbar.” – Stephen Colbert (on Obama’s “Jedi mind-meld” gaffe)

“Today Kenya is holding elections for the first time since 2007. It’s getting nasty. Each presidential candidate is accusing the others of being born in Kenya.” – Conan O’Brien

“President Obama’s half-brother is running for office in Kenya. He’s a political novice who was born and raised in Africa. I don’t know much about the half-brother.” – Craig Ferguson

“Dennis Rodman visited North Korea. Rodman came back and said President Obama should call North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. But President Obama was busy discussing Iran’s nuclear capabilities with Scottie Pippen.” – Conan O’Brien

“The show has Dennis Rodman, our new ambassador to North Korea. Dennis is back home safely after visiting the North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. And apparently they hit it off. Rodman called him a friend for life. But he said the same thing when he married Carmen Electra.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The search for a Pope has begun. The cardinals are all starting to gather together in Rome right now. It’s like a ‘Star Trek’ convention but less celibate.” – Conan O’Brien

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Late Night Political Humor

Saturday, March 9, 2013

“The big scandal is that CPAC did not invite the one most popular Republican in the country, Chris Christie, because apparently they’re mad at him because during Hurricane Sandy, he hugged Obama. In their world, you’re only allowed to touch a black person if he handed you a 7-wood and shot a hole in one.” – Bill Maher

“They didn’t invite Chris Christie, but they did invite Rick Perry and Sarah Palin – to answer the question, ‘What is the opposite of a meeting of the minds?'” – Bill Maher

“Sarah Palin is getting ready for the big CPAC thing by writing words on her hand like “Obama bad. No like.” And Rick Perry is getting ready by writing ‘Rick Perry’.” – Bill Maher

“Welcome sequestration survivors. Congress did not reach an agreement and Congresswoman Maxine Waters said 170 million jobs could be lost. There are only 155 million workers in America. Are you beginning to understand why we’re in this situation in the first place?” – Jay Leno

“This is like not having the will power to diet, so instead rigging your refrigerator to blow up if you open the door.” – Bill Maher (on the sequester)

“The cuts have already begun. Just yesterday, the Pope got laid off.” – Jay Leno

“Pope Benedict officially resigned on Thursday night, after eight years as Pontiff, revealing an incredible case of hat hair.” – Seth Meyers

“New Rule: Now that it’s been announced that former Pope John Ratzinger will no longer wear his trademark red shoes, someone has to explain how I’m supposed to know who’s tapping at me from the next stall?” – Bill Maher

“After officially leaving the papacy on Thursday, Pope Benedict flew on a helicopter to Castel Gandolfo, where he will spend the next few months, I’m guessing, trying to kill James Bond?” – Seth Meyers

“At this point, we have no idea who the next Pope will be. How about Mitt Romney? He’s not doing anything.” – Jay Leno

“I don’t have a lot of hope for the new Pope. The Cardinals are kind of like Republicans. They always say they want a fresh, new face and they end up picking a creepy old weirdo.” – Bill Maher

“Disney has developed a new video game called “Disney City Girl,” which lets players shop and work their way up the social ladder. To win the game, you just have to defeat all the progress women have ever made.” – Seth Meyers

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Late Night Political Humor

Friday, March 8, 2013

“We are 24 hours away from massive across-the-board budget cuts. If the cuts go into effect, major airports could face delays up to 90 minutes – or as JetBlue calls it, an on-time departure.” – Conan O’Brien

“Actually, with automatic spending cuts scheduled for tomorrow, 300 illegal immigrants have been released from jail in Arizona. Or as officials put it, ‘Catch ya later’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“These automatic budget cuts are serious. It could negatively affect water and sewage services. In other words, all of America is about to embark on a Carnival cruise.” – Conan O’Brien

“Yesterday the Senate confirmed Jack Lew to be President Obama’s new Treasury Secretary. Unfortunately, if the sequester happens he’ll have to be let go due to budget cuts.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Pope Benedict has become the first Pope to retire in 600 years. You have to wonder what a Pope does in retirement. I heard a rumor he already cashed in his 401(k).” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Pope Benedict is officially retired. Apparently there was some last-minute tension at the Vatican because they wouldn’t give the Pope his security deposit back. ” – Craig Ferguson

“He left glue on the walls from his Def Leppard posters.” – Craig Ferguson

“Today was Pope Benedict’s last day at work. Don’t be sad. All the other cardinals are buying him shots at the Vatican Applebee’s.” – Conan O’Brien

“As you know, the Pope stepped down today. There’s a lot of cardinals running for this Pope position. Some of the slogans are pretty catchy. My favorite: ‘Yes, We Vati-can.'” – Jay Leno

“Pope Benedict officially retired today. People are actually placing bets on who the next Pope will be. At least that’s what I heard during my fantasy Pope draft.” – Jimmy Fallon

“My favorite part about today was when the Pope left the Vatican, he left in a helicopter – just like ‘The Bachelor’.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Did you know the Pope is a helicopter pilot? He has a helicopter pilot’s license, but never got a driver’s license. He can fly a helicopter, but he can’t drive a car — just like Jesus before him.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“In the next few weeks, a group will assemble in the Vatican. Their job is to select a new Pope. The group will consist of 120 top cardinals and Simon Cowell. He’ll say, ‘Your Pope-ing is rubbish. You’re not going to the Vatican.'” – Craig Ferguson

“The Pope spoke to 100 cardinals and said, ‘Among you is the future Pope.’ And then he said, ‘Now enter The Octagon’. They’re going to fight it out with holy relics.” – Conan O’Brien

“According to a new study, Hawaii is the happiest place in America to live. And I thought it was just a great place to pretend you were born in.” – Craig Ferguson

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Judicial Activism?

Thursday, March 7, 2013

If you don’t know what this is about, I’ll let Jon Stewart explain it:

The thing that amazes me is that Scalia is claiming that because Congress is too scared to vote against the Voting Rights Act, that it falls to the Supreme Court to change this legislation. Not because it is unconstitutional or anything.

This seems to be the epitome of legislating from the bench. So why aren’t all the originalist conservatives screaming about this? What’s next? Striking down the Declaration of Independence because everyone is able to pursue happiness?

UPDATE: Stephen Colbert gives the opposing view:

“Yes, I used to beat my girlfriend, but I haven’t since the restraining order so we don’t need it anymore”

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Late Night Political Humor

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

“Even though many have wanted to see Gitmo closed, including President Obama, despite all logic, it remains open for business. It’s the Radio Shack of the War on Terror.” – Stephen Colbert

“The War on Terror just turned 12-years-old, which explains why it’s into remote controlled planes.” – Stephen Colbert

“Can our drone program win the war on terror? Yes, if you go: up, up, down down, B, A, B, A, select.” – Stephen Colbert

“President Obama said this week that after four years as president, ‘you realize all the mistakes you’ve made’. So apparently he DOES watch Fox News.” – Jay Leno

“Congratulations to Chuck Hagel, new secretary of defense. And today, he’s already off to a bad start. He’s going to bring all of the troops home from Afghanistan, but they’re coming on a Carnival cruise.” – David Letterman

“John Kerry is the new secretary of state. Or the pressure has really taken a toll on Hillary Clinton.” – Stephen Colbert

“Americans are bracing for this thing called the sequester – when $85 billion will be cut from almost every part of the budget. So teachers, meat inspectors, and TSA workers will all be affected. So if you’re someone who teaches people how to keep bad meat off airplanes, you’re really screwed.” – Jimmy Fallon

“This horse meat scandal just keeps growing. And it isn’t happening only in Europe. According to a new report, donkey meat has been found in hamburgers in South Africa. Consumers said when they were eating the burgers, they sensed something was wrong but they couldn’t quite pin a tail on it.” – Jay Leno

“In fact, in South Africa more than two-thirds of the meat products tested contained undeclared ingredients. Or as we call that in this country, a hot dog.” – Jay Leno

“Italy just had its elections. There’s no winner. There’s no government in Italy. People over there have been running wild through the streets, waving their hands in the air. And then they heard about the elections.” – Craig Ferguson

“All this turmoil, of course, is nothing new in Italy. Until the late 19th century it was just a bunch of feuding states. And the women had tiny mustaches. It was like the Kardashians.” – Craig Ferguson

“Italian women are some of the most beautiful in the world. This is why the Vatican is in Italy. If a man can walk across Italy and retain his celibacy, he’s got what it takes to be a priest – or an interior decorator.” – Craig Ferguson

“A lot of Americans can’t believe how crazy the politics are in Italy. A comedian might become prime minister. We would never do that in America. A pro wrestler? Sure. Stuart Smalley from ‘Saturday Night Live’? Yeah.” – Craig Ferguson

“Today the Pope made his last public appearance. That is, until the new season of ‘Dancing With the Stars’.” – Conan O’Brien

“The Pope said that the past few years have been very difficult for the church and at times he felt that ‘the lord seemed to be asleep’. When asked for comment the Lord said, ‘You try staying awake through a Latin mass.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Big international controversy about the Oscars. When they aired in Iran, the Iranian government digitally added sleeves to Michelle Obama’s gown. They also altered the video so that Jennifer Lawrence is now deliberately tripped by the Israelis.” – Conan O’Brien

“It’s tax season. Has anybody been to their accountant? I used to go in with a short form and be out of there in 10 minutes. Well, now I went to the guy and the first thing he says to me when I walk into the office is, ‘Are you sure you weren’t tailed?'” – David Letterman

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Late Night Political Humor

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

“In a White House briefing, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano warned that sequestration would affect border security. Her remarks raised eyebrows in Washington and got big laughs in Mexico.” – Jay Leno

“Earlier tonight ABC announced their new “Dancing With the Stars” lineup. I was confused. I thought the sequester eliminated that.” – David Letterman

“Doesn’t sequestration sound like some kind of side effect from a bad medicine?” – Jay Leno

“Somebody noticed that none of the Oscar winners thanked God. To add insult to injury, at his last sermon, the same day, the Pope thanked Harvey Weinstein and Meryl Streep.” – Conan O’Brien

“The Pope was fired a couple weeks ago. They caught him stealing communion wafers.” – David Letterman

“My church has had some problems. Yes, money was molested. Yes, children were laundered.” – Stephen Colbert (on the Catholic Church)

“The Pope does not earn a nickel. No paycheck, no money coming in, nothing. That must drive his wife crazy.” – David Letterman

“The White House officially released portraits of the White House gang. You can all see the portrait of Hillary Clinton. It will be on next month’s cover of the ‘Sports Illustrated’ pants suit issue.” – David Letterman

“More problems for Sen. Bob Menendez of New Jersey. Remember he got in trouble for cavorting with prostitutes in the Dominican Republic? Now a professional East Coast escort has come forward and she says she had a sexual arrangement with him and other politicians as well. See, in Washington that arrangement is known as ‘quid pro ho’.” – Jay Leno

“Demographic shifts are making it harder for the GOP to win nationally. Apparently in 2012, minority voters just didn’t connect with the Republican message of ‘Stop, thief!'” – Stephen Colbert

“Our heroic drones have so rattled Al Qaeda, its leaders are distributing a 22-point tip sheet on how to avoid them. Like tip number 12: ‘Maintain complete silence of all wireless contacts.’ Here’s a pro-tip: switch to AT&T. No one will ever find you!” – Stephen Colbert

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Late Night Political Humor

The Difference Between the Right and the Left

Late Night Political Humor

Irrational Exuberance?

Late Night Political Humor

Why do we even need minimum wage laws?

Late Night Political Humor

What part of Homeland don’t they understand?

The Search for Intelligent Life

Late Night Political Humor

Late Night Political Humor

Late Night Political Humor

Judicial Activism?

Late Night Political Humor

Late Night Political Humor

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