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Is that Fertilizer or just Shit?

Friday, August 10, 2012

Scotts Miracle-Gro is making headlines because they publicly donated $200,000 to Romney’s SuperPAC “Restore Our Future”.

Yes, that is the same Scotts Miracle-Gro that pleaded guilty to selling birdseed that was coated with a pesticide toxic to birds, even after their own scientists warned them of the problem. And in a separate case, falsified documents submitted to the EPA about their pesticides. And the same company that is fighting to overturn bans on the use of fertilizers during the rainy season in some cities in Florida (the fertilizers aren’t needed and cause massive and toxic blooms of red-tide and green slime, but they make a lot of money for Scotts). And is fighting regulations on pesticides and other toxic chemicals.

My only question is, in their accounting books, what is Scotts hoping to buy with this donation?

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Leash Laws for Unicorns

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Fox News has a “voter fraud unit”? Have they no shame?

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Vaulting Ambition

Thursday, August 9, 2012


© Jim Morin

Considering that Mitt Romney’s father said politicians running for president should release 12 years of tax returns, and that Mitt himself, when he was running for the Senate against Edward Kennedy, called for Kennedy to release his tax returns, that there must be some really embarrassing reason why Romney won’t release his.

UPDATE: The blog-o-sphere (including Markos of the Daily Kos and others) is speculating on the identity of the person who told Harry Reid that Romney hadn’t paid any taxes. The fingers are pointing at the father of former presidential candidate Jon Huntsman.

UPDATE 2: Jon Huntsman Sr. denies that he is Harry Reid’s source, or that he even knows anything about Romney’s tax returns. Nevertheless, he feels that Romney should release more tax returns, saying “I feel very badly that Mitt won’t release his taxes and won’t be fair with the American people.”

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Late Night Political Humor

Thursday, August 9, 2012

“Why don’t they allow professional wrestling at the Olympics? They allow pro basketball players and hockey players. Olympic pro wrestling would be awesome. The team from Mexico could wear those Mr. X masks. The French wrestler could hit his opponent with a baguette. Or perhaps just surrender.” – Craig Ferguson

“An American judo fighter was expelled from the Olympics after testing positive for marijuana. Officials became suspicious when he kept stopping the match and saying, ‘What are we fighting for, man?'” – Conan O’Brien

“A former U.S. Olympic swimmer in an interview said that nearly all elite competitive swimmers pee in the pool regularly. So apparently I am an elite competitive swimmer.” – Conan O’Brien

“The Romneys have a horse competing in the Olympics. Ann Romney’s horse failed to win a medal in the dressage event today, which is a shame because if there’s one thing that family needs, it’s more gold.” – Conan O’Brien

“Romney’s Olympic horse is named Rafalco. She said I needed a silly name that no one’s ever heard of before and Mitt was taken.” – Conan O’Brien

“Mitt Romney is claiming he’s going to create 12 million jobs in his first term. But he hasn’t said yet if he’ll create them in China or India.” – Conan O’Brien

“This week is international clown week. That’s something more terrifying than sharks. There’s a lot of famous clowns. Bozo the Clown, Krusty the Clown, Joe Biden. There’s three right there.” – Craig Ferguson

“I would like to congratulate the team at NASA’s jet propulsion lab. You deserve every missed high five of your celebration.” – Stephen Colbert

“This crisis has pitted brother against lower cholesterol brother. It’s like the Civil War, if you replace slavery with waffle fries.” – Stephen Colbert (on the Chick-Fil-A controversy)

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I know you are, but what am I?

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Today we have a Jon Stewart double header!

When I started watching this video, I was worried that it was another example of where liberals bemoan it when Democratic politicians won’t play hardball like the Republicans do, but then attack those same Democratic politicians when they do play hardball.

But then Jon Stewart pulls it off brilliantly at the very end.

I’m curious what other people think. Did Harry Reid step over the line with this one? Or is it about time someone threw back at the Republicans the kind of crap they have been dishing out for a long time (e.g., birth certificate, death panels, swift boating, ad nauseum).

I also note that Romney’s responses seem to be very carefully phrased. Reid was talking about Romney paying federal income taxes, but Romney responded that he has always paid taxes. Well, yes, if you live in most states, you pay sales taxes, property taxes, etc. Has Romney said whether he always paid federal income taxes?

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Miller Time

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

After the whole Valerie Plame mess, I’m surprised that anyone would give a job to Judith Miller (or even listen to anything she has to say). But I’m not surprised that it was Fox News.

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Apathy

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


© Tom Tomorrow

Experts agree: the best way to win elections is to convince the majority of people that their vote doesn’t matter, that nothing can be done, and that all candidates are the same. And then energize their wing-nut base to go vote.

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Mathematically Impossible

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Mitt Romney finally released his tax plan. To nobody’s surprise, it consists largely of cutting taxes by cutting marginal tax rates by 20% across the board. But Romney also promises to reduce the deficit.

In order to simultaneously cut taxes and reduce the deficit, Romney is going to have to cut spending. A lot of spending. But Romney refuses to identify any spending he would cut, and he has even promised to increase military spending and to hold benefits steady for the current generation of seniors. He also promised to reform the tax code, but refuses to identify any deductions or loopholes he would eliminate.

But that didn’t stop the nonpartisan Tax Policy Center (directed by a member of George W. Bush’s council of economic advisors) from trying to evaluate his tax plan. Indeed, they gave his plan every possible benefit of the doubt, assuming wildly unrealistic growth effects from tax cuts (the same bill of goods that Reagan sold the country, which didn’t work then either).

The bottom line? Romney’s plan is “mathematically impossible“.

This isn’t a plan, it’s a fairy tale.

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Late Night Political Humor

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

“The U.S. team has swept all the medals in the skeet shooting event. So despite our bad economy, it’s nice to know our country has never been safer from an attack of skeets.” – Conan O’Brien

“Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.” – Stephen Colbert

“Yesterday Michael Phelps set an all-time Olympic record for most medals. Phelps has so much gold on his chest he’s been asked to join the cast of ‘Jersey Shore.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Well China, you got us. Phelps was doping — and he still beat you. He smoked the sticky-icky, and then he smoked your ass!” – Stephen Colbert

“Did you hear this big scandal? Eight female badminton players were expelled from the Olympics for trying to lose on purpose. So tragically, they’ll never have another chance to play badminton unless they get invited to a picnic.” – Conan O’Brien

“Seriously, the Olympic badminton players were apparently trying to lose on purpose, a big story. But really, think about it, if you train day and night for four years to be in the Olympics for badminton, in a way, haven’t you already lost?” – Conan O’Brien

“That’s right, free government birth control for all the ladies. So, don’t forget to reset your watches and check your calendars because it’s now whore o’clock on the first day of Skankjuary.” – Stephen Colbert

“They’re calling it the worst drought in 56 years. That seems to me unnecessarily negative. Couldn’t it be the best drought in 56 years?” – Jimmy Kimmel

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Silver Spoon

Monday, August 6, 2012

I don’t have a problem with Mitt Romney being rich. I have a problem with him lying about being rich.

Back during the primary, Romney kept getting in trouble for acting snobbishly rich. Like when he talked about his friends who owned NASCAR teams, but especially when he tried to make a $10,000 bet with Rick Perry. The next day, Romney tried to claim that he had experienced hard times while being a Mormon missionary in Paris, saying “You’re not living high on the hog at that kind of level.” He also said of the places where he stayed “I don’t recall any of them having a refrigerator.” and that “most of the apartments I lived in had no shower or bathtub. If we were lucky, we actually bought a hose and we stuck it on the sink.”

Almost makes you feel sorry for him, doesn’t it? Well don’t.

I never said anything at the time, but it seems to me that choosing to go on a religious mission and live a simple life is a far cry from actually being poor and having no choice in the matter.

But it turns out that Romney’s life as a missionary was anything but simple. According to fellow American missionaries, Romney spent a significant portion of his missionary time living in a “palace” with gilded interiors, an extensive art collection, and two servants (a chef and a houseboy).

If I had a chef making my meals and a houseboy serving them to me, I might not recall if my “palace” had a refrigerator either! And in fact, according to other missionaries, it did have a refrigerator and all other modern conveniences, including showers, bathtubs, and even a washer-dryer.

This was in contrast to places where other missionaries stayed. According to one missionary, talking about where Romney stayed “It was much better than the other places. Most of us stayed in rented apartments quite a way from luxurious.”

My only question is, does Romney actually believe these easily disprovable statements that he keeps making?

And by the way, just to add insult to injury, there is plenty of evidence that Romney used his missionary time in order to avoid the Vietnam War. Yeah, the same Romney who participated in pro-war protests, and then lied about getting deferments.

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Mitt Romney, Generic Republican

Monday, August 6, 2012

Good luck pinning him down. And even if you do, he’ll just say the opposite in a day or two. He’s the ultimate generic candidate. And he loves everything, except vampires.

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Late Night Political Humor

Monday, August 6, 2012

“All in all a successful trip. Best of all, Romney has checked three countries off the list of ‘1000 Places To Offend People Before You Die’.” – Stephen Colbert

“A dozen swimming events have already been completed in the Olympic competition. I wonder where they got the name ‘Speedo.’ It doesn’t sound like a bathing suit, it sounds like a breakfast cereal for meth addicts.” – Craig Ferguson

“Some people are saying that the reason Michael Phelps isn’t doing so well is because he let himself get too out of shape. I just have to say that I have been watching the Olympics, and if that guy is out of shape, I have been dead for five years.” – Conan O’Brien

“Like Palin, Rafalca is female, also doesn’t read newspapers, and has completed the same number of terms as governor.” – Stephen Colbert (on Ann Romney’s horse that competed in the Olympic Dressage event)

“Olympic organizers are reportedly struggling to fill rows and rows of empty seats. Empty seats! In fact, yesterday officials put out a casting call asking for 200 Europeans or eight Americans.” – Conan O’Brien

“So far China has won the most gold medals, ladies and gentlemen. The Chinese athletes can’t wait to get home and show the medals off to the kids who made them.” – Conan O’Brien

“A couple of big birthdays today — comedian Tom Green and former government of California Arnold Schwarzenegger. Now Tom Green and Arnold Schwarzenegger are very different. One has disgusted millions with his revolting antics and the other one’s Tom Green.” – Craig Ferguson

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This is Rich!

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Mitt Romney has earned a full-throated endorsement from famous porn star Jenna Jameson. While sipping champagne in the VIP room of a gentlemen’s club in San Francisco, Jameson told a television reporter:

I’m very looking forward to a Republican being back in office. When you’re rich, you want a Republican in office.

This endorsement is unlikely to help Romney with his base.

Interestingly, Jameson appears as willing to change her position (both political and physical) as often as Romney does. Back in 2008, she was a Hillary Clinton supporter. Maybe she wasn’t as rich back then?

And in an interview in 2007, she said:

The Clinton administration was the best years for the adult industry and I wish that Clinton would run again. I would love to have him back in office. I would love to have Al Gore in office. When Republicans are in office, the problem is, a lot of times they try to put their crosshairs on the adult industry, to make a point. It’s sad, when there are so many different things that are going on in the world: war, and people are dying of genocide. It’s sad that they feel that they have to target the sex industry, and not target the problems with insurance and the homeless and the AIDS epidemic. There are so many things that need to be cleared up before fucking pornography. I look forward to another democrat being in office. It just makes the climate so much better for us, and I know that once all our troops come home, things are going to be better and I think that getting Bush out of office is the most important thing right now.

This isn’t Romney’s only link with pornography. The Marriott hotel chain offered in-room pornography during the decade that Romney was on the company’s board, earning the ire of social conservatives (coincidentally, he is named after the founder of the Marriott chain, Willard Marriott). Nowadays, Romney regularly denounces porn during campaigning and has promised to “vigorously” crack down on it if he is elected president.

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Late Night Political Humor

Sunday, August 5, 2012

“The word “sailing” sounds cool. It sounds better than “yachting,” which sounds like something Mitt Romney does in his indoor lake.” – Craig Ferguson

“Equestrian and sailing are sports for people growing up on the mean streets of Connecticut.” – Craig Ferguson

“Everything went smoothly at the sailing events today, except for the British team. They forgot to bring limes and they all got scurvy.” – Craig Ferguson

“Olympic officials said Saudi Arabia’s first female athlete will be allowed to compete while wearing a headscarf. A Saudi woman said she’s thrilled about the ruling. All she needs now is a man to drive her to the Olympics.” – Conan O’Brien

“The Olympics are getting mixed reviews. People are angry at NBC for showing a promo that revealed the winner of a swimming event even though the race hadn’t aired yet. NBC apologized saying, ‘We’re just not used to people watching our network.'” – Conan O’Brien

“An Australian swimmer who failed to win a gold medal is blaming her loss on social media. In her defense, it is really hard to tweet when you’re swimming.” – Conan O’Brien

“Last night on the show I had Olympics fever. Unfortunately, it’s getting worse. That’s not good. I have to call my doctor if my torch burns for more than four hours.” – Craig Ferguson

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How Recessions Work

Saturday, August 4, 2012


© Ruben Bolling

Believe it or not, this really is pretty much how recessions work. And how anyone thinks that austerity will help jumpstart an economy is beyond me.

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