Political Irony

The Onion has a hilarious and brilliant piece of satire “New GOP Strategy Involves Reelecting Obama, Making His Life Even More Miserable“. A few snippets:

According to GOP sources, the decision to cede the 2012 election to Obama came after rank-and-file Republicans agreed that grinding the president down to nothing and pushing him to the brink of insanity was far more in line with the Republican Party’s core principles than actually controlling the White House, making laws, or governing the country.

“If we are going to make the president a haggard shell of a human being by the time he leaves the White House, we need four more years of never compromising, four more years of miring every piece of legislation in unnecessary procedural muck, four more years of pretending we want to work with the president and then walking away from the table at the last second,” McConnell added. “Four more years! Four more years! Obama 2012!”

“Making Barack Obama’s life a waking nightmare is what we do best. It’s also just smart politics. After all, getting the man reelected and watching him whither away to nothing before our very eyes will fire up the base more than any of the current Republican presidential candidates will.”

Bullseye Rooster takes the satire in the opposite direction, with Obama announcing that he will not run for reelection. Instead:

A lot of my actions over the next eighteen months will be motivated by the desire to piss off Republicans. That is the easiest way for me to measure whether my policies are good for the people.

“A man jumped the White House fence, but after a brief chase, the Secret Service was able to talk President Obama into coming back and finishing his term.” – Conan O’Brien

“Happy birthday to President Obama, who is turning 50, although Republicans in Congress are demanding he cut his age to 40.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“President Obama celebrated his 50th birthday in Chicago. Obama cut the cake, then Republicans cut everything else.” – Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama celebrated his 50th birthday in his hometown of Chicago. Oprah jumped out of the cake. Then she jumped back in. She loves cake.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“While eating at a burger place, President Obama gave a free milkshake to an 11-year-old boy. Not to be nice, he just wanted to get rid of it because he saw Michelle coming.” – Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama signed the new debt bill into law. But it doesn’t really solve the problem. Economists say in 10 years, the deficit will be $27 trillion. But you know what? In 10 years, that’ll be President Bieber’s problem.” – Jay Leno

“Our prayers are answered! America’s own ‘Legion of Doofs.'” – Jon Stewart (on the new congressional Super Committee)

“According to a new poll, voters described the way Congress behaved during the debt debate as ‘disgusting, stupid, and ridiculous.’ They would have also accepted ‘gutless and cowardly.'” – David Letterman

“I see Congress more as a bunch of monkeys. High-fiving each other in celebration, having forgotten that mere moments ago they were throwing their own feces.” – (Daily Show correspondent) Jason Jones

“It’s interesting to see the Tea Party go from a small group of people that everyone thinks is crazy to a large group of people that everyone thinks is crazy.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Just 10 days until the big Iowa Republican presidential straw poll. How many think Mitt Romney will win the straw poll? How many think Michele Bachmann will win? How many would rather vote for the straw?” – Jay Leno

‎”I don’t believe in birth control. If you want to control your fertility, do it the way God intended: with a cold, loveless marriage.” – Stephen Colbert

“The Louvre has more bare breasts than any other institution in the world, with the possible exception of the Clinton Library.” – Craig Ferguson

“A lot of people want to know what Osama bin Laden’s last words were. In a new article, they tell you: ‘Come in.'” – David Letterman

© The New Yorker

For a slightly cruder analogy of our current economic situation, see this comic.

© Glenn McCoy

I’m not completely sure what this comic means, but it made me laugh nonetheless.

“We finally have a debt deal. See what happens when the two parties put aside their principles and do what is best for them personally?” – Jay Leno

“We finally have a deal on the debt ceiling. But get this – Democratic Congressman Emanuel Cleaver is referring to the plan as a ‘sugar-coated Satan sandwich.’ Or as Americans put it, ‘Sugar-coated? Yum – I’ll take six, please!” – Jimmy Fallon

“If the Senate approves the debt deal, President Obama will sign it into law by the end of the day. All it took was the threat of financial Armageddon to get both sides working together.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The Tea Party is not happy with the deal. Everything they wanted is not enough.” – David Letterman

“The debt deal sets the debt limit until 2013. The best part is that it prevents another ‘Smurfs’ movie before 2014.” – Conan O’Brien

“It’s what they call a ‘two-step’ deal. It steps on the middle class and the lower class.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama says that for his birthday, he wants a deal on the national debt. In other news, Michelle Obama is at the Apple store trying to buy a $4 trillion iTunes gift card.” – Conan O’Brien

“President Obama changed his slogan from ‘Yes we can,’ to ‘Yes we cave.'” – Jay Leno

“Obama achieved the same kind of compromise with the Republicans that Custer reached with Sitting Bull.” – David Letterman

“Democrats say they didn’t lie down. They say they were planking.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Oprah Winfrey announced plans to return to television with a new show. That’s how bad things are in this country – even Oprah has run out of money.” – Conan O’Brien

“An ex-Louisiana governor just married a woman 51 years younger. Or as Hugh Hefner put it, ‘Does she have a daughter?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Happy birthday to Arnold Schwarzenegger. The best part about having an illegitimate kid is an extra birthday present this year.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“McDonald’s is planning to open a restaurant every day in China for the next four years. It’s nice — When kids get their Happy Meal toy, they’re like, ‘Cool! I made this.'” – Jimmy Fallon

© Ruben Bolling

And the spirit lives on!

“The whole Congress has to stay there for the whole weekend. The Tea Party Republicans are especially pissed off at this — a lot of them had to cancel their Civil War Reenactments.” – Bill Maher

“Their plan is to not pay our bills and hope nobody gets too mad about it. Call me crazy, but I think the government owes an apology to Wesley Snipes. Wasn’t that his plan?” – Bill Maher

“One of the leading Tea Partiers, Congressman Joe Walsh, he famously went on YouTube and wagged his finger at Obama and said, ‘Have you no shame, Mr. President?’ It turns out he is $117,000 delinquent in his child support. Have you irony, Mr. Congressman? He had an excuse. He said his kids don’t have a child support problem; they have a spending problem.” – Bill Maher

“The Republicans attached 39 riders to the bill repealing environmental protection laws. One of them forbade the government to add any more animals to the endangered species list. Sorry, woodpeckers, but once we get rid of Social Security the old people are going to have to eat something.” – Bill Maher

“By midweek the Democrats had given to the Republicans more than they originally asked for when these negotiations started. The Republicans still wouldn’t take it. The Democrats — getting rid of the Bush tax cuts? No, that’s off the table. Limiting deductions on corporate jets? No, off the table. Ending subsidies for oil companies? Off the table. The only thing that is on the table is the Democrats, bent over.” – Bill Maher

“The essence of the problem is something I’ve been saying for years. One party has no brains; the other party has no balls. Is it really too much to ask that there be one party with both?” – Bill Maher

“John Boehner’s plan: no tax increases and a trillion dollars in cuts. Harry Reid’s paln: no tax increases, $2 trillion in cuts. This makes it very hard for the White House, because if the Democrats don’t stand up for what they believe in, how can Obama sell them out?” – Bill Maher

“Earlier today the House passed Boehner’s version of the bill. He got tough with his own party. He said, ‘Get your ass in line.’ That’s what he said. Doesn’t that sound like something Kim Kardashian’s chiropractor would say?” – Jay Leno

“Someone said President Obama was wrong for telling the American people to call their representatives about the debt ceiling. If there’s one thing that congressmen hate, it’s being told what to do by the people that put them there.” – Jay Leno

“If the debt limit isn’t lifted by midnight next Tuesday, President Obama is going to switch to Plan B: a nationwide ‘going out of business’ sale. Everything is 50% off! All government buildings! All parks! Everything must go!” – Jay Leno

“As they say in Washington, ‘If it ain’t broke, it will be by Tuesday.'” –Jay Leno

“According to reports, Apple now has more cash on hand than the U.S. government. Which sounds impressive until you realize that Radio Shack has more cash on hand… Actually, the big difference between Apple and the government is that their stuff is made in China, while we’re owned by China. Two different things.” – Jay Leno

“Gov. Chris Christie was hospitalized yesterday, he had trouble breathing. He first noticed there was a problem when he had difficulty inhaling a pizza.” – Bill Maher

“He was in the supermarket, and he felt a tightness in his chest, and then he realized he got stuck in the dairy case. He’s OK. The hospital today upgraded his condition to gigantic. The doctors say he was already up and about, and taking helicopters to travel 20 feet.” – Bill Maher

“But the doctors said to Governor Christie ‘you have got to stop eating ice cream out of big five gallon tubs’ and he said ‘why?’ And the doctor said ‘so I can examine you.'” – Bill Maher

“New Jersey governor Chris Christie was released from the hospital today. Good news. I guess he had some blockage or something. He told reporters he feels “fabulous.” When Michele Bachman’s husband heard that, he said, “We have a clinic that can cure you of that! We can fix that.” – Jay Leno

“Some big election news. It’s rumored that Sarah Palin will announce her presidential campaign at a Labor Day rally in Iowa. Palin has a great speech planned — she’s like, ‘We have to do this as a team! Remember, there is no ‘I’ in Iowa!'” – Jimmy Fallon