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McCain’s Sinking Feeling

Tony Auth
© Tony Auth

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Why they hate us

From the National Review:

If Obama could go to Germany and give a speech in English and be not only understood but well-received, why does he say we all need to learn another language?

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Late Night Humor

“After a quick meet-and-greet with King Abdullah, Obama was off to Israel, where he made a quick stop at the manger in Bethlehem where he was born.” -Jon Stewart

“Hey, did you see [Barack Obama] playing basketball with our troops in Iraq? Did you see that one shot he made from 40 feet? 40 feet. Let me tell you something. If shooting baskets now is a requirement to be president, a white guy may never have that job again.” -Jay Leno

“Barack Obama is very popular in the Middle East. I guess a lot of people over there saw the cover of the New Yorker.” -Jay Leno

“This is Barack’s third day in the Middle East, and President Bush says he has no timetable for bringing him back home.” -Jay Leno

“John McCain called a press conference today. Unfortunately, all the press were out of the country covering Obama. You know … I feel kind of sorry for McCain. I mean, all day on TV, they show nothing but footage of Barack Obama touring the Middle East, being with the troops in Afghanistan, meeting with troops in Iraq. The only time I saw McCain on TV was when Willard Scott wished him a happy birthday on the ‘Today’ show.” -Jay Leno

“A lot of people think, to take some of the spotlight off of Barack Obama, that John McCain will announce his vice presidential choice this week. And most think it’s gonna be Mitt Romney. See, I don’t know. You know, when Romney and McCain stand together, doesn’t it look like one of those slick Countrywide lenders trying to trick your grandfather into reverse mortgage?” -Jay Leno

“Barack Obama is behaving very presidentially now. He’s in the Middle East, and he met today with the leaders of Israel and Jordan. And not to be outdone, earlier today, John McCain was in the park playing checkers with Ed Koch.” -David Letterman

“NBC News defended their coverage of Barack Obama. They’ve been accused of giving him more favorable treatment than John McCain. And today NBC News denied it. They said, ‘That’s ridiculous, we’ve never even heard of John McCain.'” -Jay Leno

“But people in the Middle East, you know, they love this Barack Obama, and I think the reason that they love the guy is because finally, [there’s] a guy who can pronounce Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.” -David Letterman

“John McCain … said that the problem is that the border between Iraq and Afghanistan — they share a common border, that’s what he was saying. Mistakenly said that Iraq and Afghanistan have a common border, and I thought, well, no wonder we can’t find Osama Bin Laden — we’ve been searching an imaginary border.” -David Letterman

“Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is calling the Bush presidency a total failure. Total failure. I don’t know, I think he’s done okay. I think he’s done okay if you don’t count Iraq, the economy, the environment, Afghanistan, the mortgage crisis. I think he’s done all right…” -David Letterman

“The deficit. Gas prices. Hurricane Katrina. Illegal wire tapping…” -David Letterman

“The national debt. Tainted food. Failure to catch bin Laden. CIA leaks. Other than that, I think it’s been pretty good” -David Letterman

“Barack Obama was in Israel today. Did you see Barack wearing the traditional Jewish yarmulke? He looked very Jewish. Yeah. In fact, Jesse Jackson said, I’d like to circumcise him.” -Jay Leno

“Nation, lately, all the economic news has been bad. First, the government had to prop up Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. It is our own fault for naming our lending institutions after the starts of ‘Hee Haw.’ Then there was Indymac, the third-largest bank failure in U.S. history. Without Indymac, where will indie bands put all the money they’re not making? Folks, it’s getting so these days I’m keeping all my assets under my mattress, which is fitting, because I’m heavily invested in old Playboys. Most disturbing of all, last week, the dollar hit another record low against the Euro. The Euro is now worth $1.57. To put that into perspective, that’s more than a dollar.” -Stephen Colbert

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Government admits FOX is their propaganda arm

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Drain on the Economy

Another huge bank bailout, paid for by us, the taxpayers. Is this how markets work?

Matt Davies
© Matt Davies

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Wishin’ Accomplished

On June 11, 2003, on Fox News, Neil Cavuto said “… many argue the conflict isn’t over.” McCain responded, “Well, then why was there a banner that said mission accomplished on the aircraft carrier?”

Thanks to TPM

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Open letter to the colonies

We, in Ireland, can’t figure out why you people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States.

On one side, you had a pants wearing female lawyer, married to another lawyer who can’t seem to keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary against a lawyer, who is married to yet another lawyer!

Now…On the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate ‘Mc’ terminology, married to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship!!

What in God’s name are ya lads thinkin over in the colonies!

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The marketplace works

Ruben Bolling
© Ruben Bolling

I was cracking up laughing when Bush first said that, since oil has always been so heavily subsidized in this country. No wonder Bush’s oil company lost money.

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OMG! Germany associated with Hitler!

Fox News makes lemons out of lemonade (at 1:20 in the video), pointing out that there are monuments in Germany associated with Hitler! The whole video is hilarious, of course:

UPDATE: The push to associate Obama with Hitler has turned even weirder, if not downright sinister. On Glenn Beck’s CNN show, guest Ben Stein said about Obama’s plan to deliver his speech at the Democratic National Convention at Denver’s Invesco Field, that he did not “like the idea of Senator Obama giving his acceptance speech in front of 75,000 wildly cheering people. Seventy-five-thousand people at an outdoor sports palace, well, that’s something the Fuehrer would have done.” Beck responded that he has “been saying that we’re headed towards a Mussolini-style presidency forever.” Beck also said “It’s like Juan Peron and Evita.”

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What do you do when you run out of enemies?

Makes it kinda hard to keep selling fear.
Tom Toles
© Tom Toles

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Late Night Humor

“President Bush went on to say, today there are no short-term solutions to the energy crisis. Apparently, there are no second term solutions either.” -Jay Leno

“Human rights activists have sent a letter to President Bush, asking him to raise human rights issues with the Chinese government during the Olympics. Unfortunately, they also sent a letter to the Chinese government asking them to bring up human rights issues with President Bush. So, it’s pretty much a wash.” -Jay Leno

“The military trial of Osama bin Laden’s driver begins today. Do you know what they got him for? Breaking the new cell phone hands-free law. Yeah, we got him! How do you catch bin Laden’s driver and not bin Laden? What, is he hiding down under the seat in the back of the car? Didn’t the guy pick him up every day at his house?” -Jay Leno

“Hey, do you like celebrity birthdays? Here’s one, Senator Larry Craig from Idaho. Do you remember Senator Larry Craig? Happy Birthday, Senator Larry Craig. 63 years old on Sunday. So happy birthday. He has a big party planned. Earlier today, he shoved invitations under all the stalls. But if you are going to Larry Craig’s birthday party, it is easy to find the party, just look for the airport men’s room with the balloons” -David Letterman

“Yesterday, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi referred to President Bush’s time in office as ‘a total failure.’ Yeah, Bush defended himself saying, ‘Oh, come on, I’ve hardly spent any time in my office.'” -Conan O’Brien

“John McCain’s economic adviser Phil Gramm has quit the campaign. The official reason: he was a whiner and all his problems were mental.” -Jay Leno

“Experts say gas prices should fall by up to three cents a gallon over the next week. Three cents a gallon, how about that? Well, this is just in preparation for gas rising to $8 a gallon by Labor Day.” -Jay Leno

“A religious group at Southern Methodist University says they are opposed to having a George W. Bush think tank. Not on religious grounds, just logic.” -Jay Leno

“I’ll tell you how hot it was today in the Northeast. It is so hot today that Vice President Dick Cheney replaced his pacemaker with an icemaker. Honest to God. So hot today in New York that former governor Eliot Spitzer was dating a girl named Margarita.” -David Letterman

“Well, Nation, you’ve all heard the news. Jesus has returned to earth on a spaceship, cured cancer, and won the British Open. Did no one hear about that? Oh, maybe it’s because Barack Obama decided to go backpacking overseas with a couple of his friends. You probably know his friends by their professional name: The entire media. Yes, they’ve all taken the next 10 days to find themselves on Barack Obama’s Elitist Summer Abroad.” -Stephen Colbert

“So far the only gaffe of the trip belongs to Iraqi Prime Minister al-Maliki. When speaking to a German magazine, Maliki said that he supported Obama’s plan to draw down troops over the next 16 months. Saying, quote, we think it would be the right time-frame for a withdrawal. God, Maliki is so naive about Iraq. One presumably stern phone call later, and U.S. Centcom released a statement from the Iraqis claiming that al-Maliki had been mistranslated by the German magazine, because, as you know, there is one thing Germans are known for: sloppiness and lack of precision” -Jon Stewart

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Obama & McCain – same planet, different universes

 
Source    Obama    McCain
LA Times On Monday, the Illinois senator was photographed in a helicopter touring Baghdad with Army Gen. David H. Petraeus, the U.S. military commander in Iraq. On Monday, the Arizona senator was seen on television riding in a golf cart with former President George H.W. Bush at Bush’s oceanfront estate in Maine.
NY Times The Iraqi government on Monday left little doubt that it favors a withdrawal plan for American combat troops similar to what Senator Barack Obama has proposed, providing Mr. Obama with a potentially powerful political boost on a day he spent in Iraq working to fortify his credibility as a wartime leader. In an interview on “Good Morning America” on ABC, Mr. McCain talked about securing the ‘Iraq-Pakistan border’.
Minneapolis-St. Paul Star Tribune Barack Obama delivers a high-profile speech in Berlin. John McCain visits German restaurant in Ohio….’I’d love to give a speech in Germany. But I’d much prefer to do it as president of the United States rather than as a candidate for president,’ McCain told reporters after a meal of bratwurst.
Washington Post Obama’s [Democratic National Convention] speech happens to be scheduled for Aug. 28, the 45th anniversary of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.’s ‘I Have a Dream’ speech. McCain’s speech, on the other hand, will fall on Sept. 4, the opening night of the NFL season, which features a game between the Washington Redskins and the Super Bowl champion New York Giants.

Thanks to 23/6

Pat Oliphant

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The Gospel of Obama

Excerpts from http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/gerard_baker/article4392846.ece

In the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness.

In the great Battles of Caucus and Primary he smote the conniving Hillary, wife of the deposed King Bill the Priapic and their barbarian hordes of Working Class Whites.

As word spread throughout the land about the Child’s wondrous works, peoples from all over flocked to hear him; Hittites and Abbasids; Obamacons and McCainiacs; Cameroonians and Blairites.

The Great Prophet Algore of Nobel and Oscar, who many had believed was the anointed one, smiled and told his followers that the Child was the one generations had been waiting for.

And suddenly, … appeared the archangel Gabriel and the whole host of the heavenly choir, ranks of cherubim and seraphim, all praising God and singing: “Yes, We Can.”

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The ‘eductaion’ of Fox News

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McCain campaign cries over spilt oil?

You aren’t supposed to cry about spilt milk, but how about spilt oil? McCain has been on the attack recently because Obama wants to keep the current limits on offshore oil drilling. So today, while Obama was giving a speech to a crowd of over 200,000 people in Berlin, McCain decided to pull his own photo op, and helicopter out to an offshore oil rig near New Orleans.

Unfortunately, the photo op was cancelled. The McCain campaign claims it is because of poor weather, but a more likely reason seems to be because of an oil spill that just happened near New Orleans, closing 89 miles of the Mississippi River and disrupting water supplies.  I guess it just isn’t a good idea to give a speech about how safe oil drilling is right in front of an 400,000 gallon oil spill. Or as Senator Bob Menendez put it:

Look up ‘irony’ in the dictionary and you will find a description of this turn of events. Having to cancel your big oil drilling photo op because of a massive oil spill is like canceling a crime safety photo op because the house next door just got robbed.

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