Political Irony

Bill O’Reilly proposes creating a huge mercenary army to fight against ISIS. In character, Stephen Colbert wholeheartedly agrees with him, which manages to piss Bill O’Reilly off. O’Reilly then makes the stupid mistake of attacking Colbert, and Colbert responds hilariously:

There is so much satire and irony in this exchange, even my head is spinning.

“Mitt Romney we think is going run again. He says he has no plans to run, but he said if he did run, this time things would turn out differently. Yes they would. This time he would get his ass kicked by a woman.” – Bill Maher

“It turns out that country singer Larry Gatlin is a global policy genius and he’s writing policy memos to President Obama. I think I’ll wait to hear what Kenny Chesney thinks” – David Letterman

“Sarah Palin’s whole family got into a drunken, public fistfight. Something police are calling a tragic case of trash on trash violence.” – Bill Maher

“Apparently it got very gnarly. The Palins, the whole family, showed up in a stretch hummer at this party and saw a guy who had broken up with Willow, and they all wanted to fight him. Bristol threw punches. Willow wailed on this guy. Todd had a bloody nose. Sarah was screaming, ‘Don’t you know who I am?!’ And Track tore off his shirt and was walking down the street giving everyone the finger. I have only one thing to say about this: ‘ISIS, do you really want to mess with this?'” – Bill Maher

“You know who’s upset now with ISIS? Al Qaeda. It’s because ISIS is getting more attention than Al Qaeda. So now, Saturday night will be Ayman al-Zawahiri bobblehead night.” – David Letterman

“This week President Obama gave a big speech from White House where he outlined his plan to quote ‘degrade and ultimately destroy’ the terror group ISIS. When asked how, he said, ‘I’ll build their website.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“In his speech the other night, President Obama announced that he’s counting on the support of an international coalition. Right now, we can’t get the support of the International House of Pancakes.” – David Letterman

“The president went on TV and explained that our new operation against ISIS is not a war. War is what FOX News does to defend Christmas.” – Bill Maher

“Forty-seven percent of Americans feel less safe than before 9/11. But enough about the NRA.” – Bill Maher

“President Obama announced in his speech the other night that he’s sending 475 military advisers to Iraq. Not only that but he’s also sending 475 military advisers to the NFL.” – David Letterman

“Congress is now criticizing NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell for not acting swiftly enough. You know you’re slow if you’re being criticized by Congress for not acting swiftly enough.” – David Letterman

“I always get excited when I come to Washington because I’m that typical tourist; I like to see the sh*t. There’s so many great historical sites: the lobby of The Willard hotel, where we got that name lobbyist, where they used to literally lobby; the tavern where John Adams used to drink; the Capitol where they used to pass laws.” – Bill Maher

“Thirteen years since 9/11, look how far we’ve come. Back then we were scared, over-reacting, about to launch an expensive overseas campaign. But so much has changed. For example, Dick Cheney’s heart is now connected to the iPhone watch.” – Bill Maher

“British Prime Minister David Cameron went to Scotland this week to persuade citizens of the country to vote ‘no’ on leaving the U.K. He said, ‘It’s never worked out for anyone-well except America, and Canada, Australia, India, and … I’ll stop talking now.'” – Jimmy Fallon

‘During a speech last night, President Obama announced that the U.S. will lead a huge multinational coalition to fight the terror groups in Iraq. Of course, most people just turned it off because they thought it was a rerun.’ – Jimmy Fallon

“The National Organization for Women is calling for NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to resign. They made their demand in a video that Commissioner Goodell said he will watch in five months.” – Conan O’Brien

“Congress sent a letter to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell Wednesday demanding ‘the highest level of transparency’ concerning the league’s handling of the Ray Rice domestic violence incident. That’s right, Congress sent him a letter. They would have sent a video, but they wanted Goodell to see it.’ – Seth Meyers

“A new condo development in New York is charging a million dollars for parking spots. A million dollars to park your car — wouldn’t it be cheaper to just get a ticket every day for the rest of your life and park wherever you want?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“They’re now selling parking places in New York. You can buy a premium parking place for $1 million. When President Obama heard that, he said, ‘Hey, wait a minute. I’ll give you $2 million if you will take the place I’m in.'” – David Letterman

“Vice President Dick Cheney had a closed door meeting with House Republicans to discuss foreign policy issues. He wanted to sit down with them and have a real heart to… whatever is in there at this point.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Tonight President Obama will make a prime-time speech about how we’re going to deal with violent extremists and their sickening behavior. And when he’s done talking about the NFL, he’ll talk about ISIS.” – Conan O’Brien

“President Obama was on TV tonight. He gave a prime-time address to detail his plan to stop ISIS. And also to give his pick for tomorrow night’s game between the Ravens and the Steelers.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The president reassured Americans that while we face no immediate threat from ISIS, we’ve got a ton of bombs sitting around so we’re going to use them.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Here is Obama’s 3-part plan. First, we’re going to gather intelligence. Next, we’re going to launch air strikes. And third, his plan is to lose the midterm elections. So he’s got a full plate ahead of him.” – David Letterman

“Guess who we may be partnering with to fight ISIS. None other than Iran. Iran used to be our enemy back, like, last week, but now we may be upgrading our relationship to frenemy.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Earlier tonight President Obama spoke to Americans. Obama is getting tough with ISIS. He’s now going to force them to sell their NBA team.” – David Letterman

“It’s never good news when the president addresses the nation in prime time. He never comes out and says, ‘Great job, everybody. I’m throwing y’all a pizza party.'” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The NFL is, of course, coming under a lot of fire. Today it came out that law enforcement sent a copy of the Ray Rice video to NFL headquarters back in April. Then the NFL commissioner apologized, saying the video got buried in the stack of other illegal things NFL players are doing.” – Conan O’Brien

“A federal investigation has found the Department of Homeland Security is ‘ill-prepared’ for a potential disease pandemic. I’m not sure I agree. They did a great job of wiping out Bieber Fever.” – Seth Meyers

“Joe Biden will be in Baltimore this weekend to celebrate the 200th anniversary of ‘The Star-Spangled Banner.’ Yeah, 200 years — or, roughly how long it takes today’s pop singers to finish the national anthem.” – Jimmy Fallon

“The New York Times had to issue a correction after an article referred to Dick Cheney as president of the United States. The Times apologized to Dick Cheney and changed his title to ‘former president of the United States.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Today The New York Times had to issue a correction after it mistakenly referred to Dick Cheney as a former president. Of course, George W. Bush made that same mistake all the time.” – Seth Meyers

“Yesterday New York Governor Andrew Cuomo won the Democratic primary after a close race against an opponent named Zephyr Teachout. I know what you’re thinking: Is Zypher Teachout a man or a woman? And the answer is … probably.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Yesterday Mike Tyson traveled to Toronto and met with Mayor Rob Ford. It was a meeting between one of the most dangerous heavyweights ever and Mike Tyson.” – Seth Meyers

“Mike Tyson was in Canada yesterday and actually met up with Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. Of course, it got weird when someone yelled, ‘Loved you in ‘The Hangover!” and they both said, ‘Thanks!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Mike Tyson and Rob Ford had a meeting. If you’d like to see a transcript of their conversation, just have your cat walk back and forth on your keyboard.” – Seth Meyers