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Keeping you distracted


© David Horsey

McCain comes under fire for untrue attack ads.

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Damaging the Economy


© Matt Davies

“I can’t in good conscience support a tax cut in which so many of the benefits go to the most fortunate among us, at the expense of middle-class Americans who most need tax relief.” –McCain on Bush’s tax cuts, May 2001.

“Of course, I might lie constantly too, if I were seeking the Republican presidential nomination [and] I had opposed the Bush tax cuts” –Ann Coulter on John McCain, January 2008.

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White Corpuscles Attempt to Rid America of Festering Infection


From Pundit Kitchen

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Late Night Political Humor

“All of New Yorkers have Obama fever. Everybody’s very excited about him being in New York City. New York City cab drivers, by the way, are offering their Barack Obama special: they’ll gladly accept change.” -David Letterman

“Because of Sarah Palin, people are now asking the question: is she ready to be president? Is Sarah Palin ready to be president? If, God forbid, something happens to John McCain, is Sarah Palin ready to be president? I don’t think we need to worry about that, because Bush has lowered the bar so tremendously.” -David Letterman

“Politicians today are all lining up to attack Obama’s comment about putting lipstick on a pig. That’s right. President Bush called the remarks outrageous. Dick Cheney called them over the line. Joe Lieberman said they’re not kosher.” -Conan O’Brien

“The campaign is coming down to one very important issue: putting makeup on farm animals. That seems to be where we’re at. Oh, this is so stupid. … Even President Bush, now, has been drawn into this controversy. But again, you see, I don’t think President Bush really understands the issue. Like he said, ‘What people do in private is their business, as long as they don’t marry the pig.'” -Jay Leno

“Well, it’s a very strange political campaign. I mean, out on the campaign trail, John McCain and Sarah Palin are talking about how they stood up to the Republican party. They fought the Republican establishment. And they battled Republicans. Their message: vote Republican.” -Jay Leno

“The Wall Street Journal said today Democrats are sending an army of lawyers and investigators up to Alaska to look into the background of Sarah Palin. And of course, John McCain is furious. He said, ‘Hey, if I didn’t look into her background, there’s no reason you should be looking into her background.'” -Jay Leno

“Big international news. I don’t know if you heard about this, sources in North Korea say that dictator Kim Jong-Il is very sick. He may have to shift power to one of his three sons. Kim Jong-Nam, Kim Jong-Chul or Kim Jong-Woo. Yeah. Of course, there’s still an out-of-the-box chance he’ll pick Sarah Palin.” -Conan O’Brien

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A Heartbeat away from the presidency?

As Jed Lewison notes, if Sarah Palin were a Democrat, John McCain would be running this ad.

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McCain’s position on immigration


From Pundit Kitchen

Extra bonus funny stuff — the background photo is the Walter Reed Middle School in North Hollywood, California. His campaign probably meant to use a photo of the Walter Reed Medical Center. Ooops. Also, the TV cameras mainly showed close-ups of McCain, so it looked like he was standing in front of the infamous green screen again.

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Good thing you don’t have to pass an IQ test to be in the Senate

Senator Mark Pryor of Arkansas puts his foot deeply in his mouth:

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McCain – earmarks are bad, unless they are our earmarks

On the campaign trail, one of the earmarks that John McCain often made fun of was a request from Montana to study the DNA of bears. McCain would quip “I don’t know if that was a paternity issue or a criminal issue.”

But if you look in Palin’s earmark requests for the upcoming year, you will find a request to study the DNA of harbor seals. Does McCain think the paternity of seals is more important, or does he just harbor a grudge against bears?

Just to make this even more hypocritical, Palin also requested money for a study of the mating habits of crabs. And I thought that Palin opposed sex education!

From Our Republic.

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I’m John McCain, and I approved this mess


© Clay Bennett

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More pigs with lipstick


© Tom Toles

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Late Night Political Humor

“And how about that Barack Obama? You know what they’re saying? For the first time he’s starting to slip in the polls. Barack Obama is starting to slip in the polls. Don’t worry. He’s got a plan. He’s going to be to campaigning in Europe.” -David Letterman

“Boy George has released a new song that is inspired by Barack Obama. It’s called ‘Yes We Can,’ by Boy George. If that doesn’t put Obama over the top with the Joe Six-pack crowd, nothing will, huh?” -Jay Leno

“There are only 56 days until the presidential election. Most of the attention now is centered around John McCain’s running mate, Sarah Palin. This is for real. They’re selling Sarah Palin action figures online. I don’t know where they get the outfits for these, but she looks like the sluttiest librarian of all time. Sad incident at Toys ‘R’ Us today when the Sarah Palin dolls shot My Little Pony.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“I’m feeling a little sheepish, ladies and gentlemen. I have a confession to make. Last night, I had my first naughty dream about a vice presidential candidate. And it wasn’t Joe Biden.” -David Letterman

“By the way, I thought this was interesting. Sarah Palin refuses to come on the ‘Late Show.’ Yeah. Or, as she calls it, ‘the bridge to nowhere.'” -David Letterman

“Of course, now everyone’s digging into Sarah Palin’s past. That’s what’s happening now. All the media is digging into her past. Democrats are digging into her past. And here’s the latest. There’s an old picture of Sarah Palin circulating on the internet right now, and she’s wearing a t-shirt that says, ‘I may be broke, but I’m not flat-busted.’ Yeah, John McCain was upset when he heard this and asked, ‘What’s the internet?'” -Conan O’Brien

“Political observers are pointing out, maybe you’ve seen this too, that at campaign rallies, John McCain likes to give Sarah Palin a hug, then give his wife a kiss on the cheek. That’s the ritual, yeah. When asked about it, McCain said, ‘Believe me, that’s about as much sex as I can handle.’ That’s an orgy for him.” -Conan O’Brien

“And you know, it’s amazing, you know those glasses that she wears? Those are like a hot item right now. Everybody’s buying them. They’re huge, selling much better than the Joe Biden hair plugs. Those aren’t moving at all. They can’t give those away.” -Jay Leno

“Dick Cheney told reporters this week, there’s no reason why Sarah Palin cannot be a successful vice president in the McCain administration. In fact, not only can she shoot a lawyer in the face, she can field dress him as well.” -Jay Leno

“As you all know, President Bush was not at the Republican convention due to a disaster: his presidency.” -Jay Leno

“Well, as you know, this past weekend, the government announced a massive bailout of mortgage lenders, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. To give you an idea how big this bailout is, they actually had to tell President Bush about it.” -Jay Leno

“What do you think of McCain’s slogan? ‘Country First.’ That’s his slogan, ‘Country First.’ Wasn’t that one of those big mortgage companies that folded about a couple months ago?” -Jay Leno

“Hey, some good news for John McCain. His poll numbers are up 4%, and liver spots down 3%.” -Jay Leno

“Thank goodness. I don’t know what it’s doing around the country, but here in New York City we had a wet, rainy day. Today, John McCain admitted he doesn’t know how many umbrellas he owns.” -David Letterman

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Cindy McCain may still be a drug addict

I posted this story back in June, but there are new developments. Tom Gosinski, who was fired from the charity run by Cindy McCain when he found out that Cindy was obtaining drugs using illegal prescriptions in his name, has finally decided to talk. According to Gosinski, John McCain used his Senate staff and resources to cover up Cindy’s drug use, including getting her a diplomatic passport so her bags would not get searched by customs.

Gosinski previously stayed quiet out of fear, but changed his mind after a recent fight against cancer. Gosinski decided that if he can beat cancer, he can go on record about this.

And remember, whether or not Cindy McCain was a drug addict or stole drugs is not in question — she admitted both. The big questions are: why was she never charged with any crime, how much was her husband involved, and is she still abusing drugs today? This would not be the first time that Cindy lied about kicking the habit.

UPDATE: Sorry, I’ve had to turn off comments on this post. Apparently the word “drug” in the title was like honey to the spambots.

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Abstinence Only Lifeguard


© Clay Bennett

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The Biggest Celebrity in the World!


© Tom Toles

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Suggested apologies for Obama

McCain is demanding that Obama apologize. Ok, why not?  Here are some apology cards for Obama to send to McCain:


From 23/6

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