“According to The Washington Post, the NSA has been monitoring phone calls and emails of people in Mexico. So apparently it’s not enough to spy on American citizens, they feel they have to spy on FUTURE American citizens as well.” – Jay Leno “America has lost the title of the fattest nation on earth. We […]
I knew Stephen Colbert would have something hilarious to say about this.
“Great news for NSA leaker Edward Snowden. He’s just been named Cinnabon Customer of the Month in the Moscow Airport.” – David Letterman “The United States is no longer the fattest country in the world. Please help us, Paula Deen. We’re no longer the fattest country in the world. That’s why they’re bringing back Twinkies. […]
“Televangelist Pat Robertson said he wishes Facebook had a ‘vomit button’ he could push whenever someone posts a picture of a gay couple kissing. Of course, the other option would be for Pat Robertson to stop searching online for gay men kissing.” – Conan O’Brien “Pakistan now says Osama bin Laden was able to avoid […]
“Former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer announced he is running for New York City comptroller, and one of his opponents is the madam who supplied him with hookers. There’s a tough choice for the voters. One is involved in the most degrading profession of all time, and the other ran a whore house.” – Jay […]
“The Supreme Court struck down the part of the Voting Rights Act which protected minority voting in areas where it needed to be protected. Their reasoning is that we don’t need it anymore. Racism is basically over in America, so let’s get back to talking about Trayvon Martin and Paula Deen.” – Bill Maher “The […]
“It is a great day, of course, for supporters of gay marriage. Congratulations to same-sex couples. You can now be as miserable as everybody else.” – Craig Ferguson “Yesterday, the Supreme Court opened the door for same-sex marriage to resume in California. Apparently, the judges were really swayed by that Liberace movie.” – Jay Leno […]
“The Supreme Court has overturned the Defense of Marriage Act. How about that? We don’t need a Defense of Marriage Act. What we need in this country is a marriage cap. You’re allowed three, and after that, you’re done.” – Jay Leno “The Supreme Court has ruled the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional. Once […]
“NSA leaker Edward Snowden somehow managed to get out of the U.S. with all their information. Now where is he? He’s in Russia now, going to be in Ecuador or wherever. He remains at large. Now what are the odds out of 350 million Americans, the only one the government wasn’t watching was him?” – […]
UPDATE: An interesting article in The Guardian points out that Snowden is not a spy, despite claims by US authorities.
“President Obama spoke was in Germany and spoke at the Brandenburg Gate, which divided that city during the Cold War. Obama said it’s taught me a lot. When I was a kid, West Germany taught me the importance of standing tall, and East Germany taught me the importance of reading everyone’s mail.” – Bill Maher […]
“Last night the White House staff played softball against a team made of marijuana lobbyists. Which explains why there were 20 hits before the game even started.” – Jimmy Fallon “The on-deck circle was a drum circle.” – Jimmy Fallon “Did you see the pictures of Obama and Putin at the G-8 summit? It was […]
A reader in Mexico sends me news that a cat is running for mayor of Xalapa, the capital of the Mexican state of Veracruz. Candigato (“gato” is Spanish for cat) Morris promises to rid the city of rats, including the human kind. Candigato Morris is running a modern campaign, including a Facebook page. Judging by […]
“President Obama was in Germany today and made a historic speech. The reason Obama is in Germany is to promote democracy and to rescue Justin Bieber’s monkey.” – David Letterman “Germany is mad at the United States for the NSA eavesdropping. This, ladies and gentlemen, from the country that gave us the Gestapo.” – David […]
“This story comes up about twice a year. They think they have located the body of Jimmy Hoffa, the former Teamsters union leader, after 40 years of being dead. Nothing on the NSA whistle-blower, but we think we know where Jimmy Hoffa is.” – David Letterman “The Senate’s new immigration bill is apparently more than […]
Abortion Bush Campaign Finance Cheney Climate Clinton Congress Conservatives Corporations Corruption Deficits Democrats Drugs Economy Education Election Elections Energy Environment Fox News Gays Guns Health Immigration Lies McCain Media Middle East Obama Palin Protests Racism Religion Republicans Romney Spying Supreme Court Taxes Tea Party Terrorism Terrorists Torture Trump Unemployment War
