“How about that Rand Paul? There was some old-fashioned Mr. Smith Goes to Washington excitement this week. He filibustered the old-school way. He stood up there for 13 hours and demanded an answer from the president about whether it’s constitutional to kill an American on American soil with a drone. And Obama shot back, ‘Don’t […]
“President Obama took a group of Republicans to dinner last night. And at the end of the meal, the president personally picked up the tab. Afterwards, Republicans said ‘Typical Democrat. Spend, spend, spend’.” – Conan O’Brien “All tours of the White House have been canceled due to budget concerns. Don’t worry, there’s another way get […]
“I must have missed the moment when racism ended. I wonder when it was? The time Ross dated Aisha Tyler on ‘Friends’? Or when Keebler added a black elf? Oh, I know. It must have been when they made slavery illegal in Mississippi all the way back in … four weeks ago.” – Stephen Colbert […]
“A huge snowstorm is set to hit Washington, D.C., and it’s being called the Snowquester. Democrats say it could be 10 inches, Republicans want it cut down to 2.” – Conan O’Brien “A lot of people are worried about the effects of the budget cuts. The automatic budget cuts could lead to a huge drop […]
[If anyone knows the source for this image, please let me know.]
“In his first interview since losing the election, Mitt Romney says it kills him to not be in the White House. He said he’ll always think of it as the one house he couldn’t buy.” – Conan O’Brien “President Obama has nominated Wal-Mart executive Sylvia Burwell to be his budget director. The President says he’s […]
“The big scandal is that CPAC did not invite the one most popular Republican in the country, Chris Christie, because apparently they’re mad at him because during Hurricane Sandy, he hugged Obama. In their world, you’re only allowed to touch a black person if he handed you a 7-wood and shot a hole in one.” […]
“We are 24 hours away from massive across-the-board budget cuts. If the cuts go into effect, major airports could face delays up to 90 minutes – or as JetBlue calls it, an on-time departure.” – Conan O’Brien “Actually, with automatic spending cuts scheduled for tomorrow, 300 illegal immigrants have been released from jail in Arizona. […]
“Even though many have wanted to see Gitmo closed, including President Obama, despite all logic, it remains open for business. It’s the Radio Shack of the War on Terror.” – Stephen Colbert “The War on Terror just turned 12-years-old, which explains why it’s into remote controlled planes.” – Stephen Colbert “Can our drone program win […]
“In a White House briefing, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano warned that sequestration would affect border security. Her remarks raised eyebrows in Washington and got big laughs in Mexico.” – Jay Leno “Earlier tonight ABC announced their new “Dancing With the Stars” lineup. I was confused. I thought the sequester eliminated that.” – David Letterman […]
Apparently this is a common meme! © Vince Yanez It is even spreading across the big water, thanks to the efforts of Jesus’ General: © Jesus’ General I’m rather proud of this sonogram, I developed the pistol the little fetus-American is holding. It was part of my effort to ensure that all Americans have an […]
“Last night a toilet flooded the lobby where the Oscars show was being held. The show won an Oscar for best portrayal of a Carnival cruise.” – Conan O’Brien “First Lady Michelle Obama won an Academy Award for best bangs.” – David Letterman “Big winner last night was ‘Life of Pi,’ a story of a […]
“We have first lady Michelle Obama on the show tonight! I plan to ask her some serious questions, like, ‘Do you think that I could pull off bangs?’” – Jimmy Fallon “That’s right, Michelle Obama is here! Everyone at the White House is excited. In fact, I heard they’re even letting Biden stay up to […]
“Fox News host Bill O’Reilly is writing a new book about the killing of Jesus. It will be the first time Jesus’ death is blamed on Obamacare.” – Conan O’Brien “After the success of his book, ‘Killing Lincoln,’ Bill O’Reilly is coming out with a new book called ‘Killing Jesus.’ He’s going to be disappointed […]
“They’re going to miss Pope Benedict. He’s very underrated. This is the guy who wanted to replace Communion wafers with unlimited bread sticks.” – David Letterman “It’s been reported that after the Pope retires he’ll receive a relatively small pension. So don’t be surprised to see an elderly German on the sidewalk with a sign […]
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