If you do a Google image search on “completely wrong” (or just click the link), you’ll get back a bunch of images of Mitt Romney.
Some sites are calling this a “Googlebomb”, where social networkers deliberately attach a phrase to a person (the most famous being “Santorum“)
But I suspect that this one was not done on purpose. I think it is more likely that it is the result of Romney himself saying that his comments about the 47% were completely wrong.
Who could resist an article — from CNN of all people — with a headline of “Thanks but no tanks”? Not me, obviously.
Good thing the article is definitely worth a read. It details how the same Congress that is screaming about deficits is insisting that the military spend $181 million for tanks that the Army doesn’t want or need. Yes, the same Congress that proclaims that presidents should listen to generals won’t listen to them.
According to one defense expert:
The fact that the military is having such a hard time getting this relatively small amount of money to be saved, I think is an indication of the huge uphill fight that the military faces when it comes to Congress. Congress is going to fight tooth and nail to protect defense investments that benefit their constituents and the people that live in their states.
In other words, welfare is ok when it goes to corporations, and especially ones that suck from the defense budget.
Jimmy Fallon plays Mitt Romney playing Mister Rogers:
The Village Voice has an excellent article listing “the ten most corrupt tax loopholes”. Mitt Romney says he will balance the budget (while cutting taxes and increasing military spending) by closing tax loopholes. But he won’t tell us which loopholes.
For example, the loophole that allows Apple to pretend they are an Irish company and thus avoid taxes on their most valuable assets. If Apple were a drug pusher, they would be arrested for money laundering. And not just Apple — money laundering like this is practiced by corporations like Google, Facebook, Microsoft, Eli Lilly, and Pfizer.
Or the “loophole” that allows passive investors to pay less in taxes than people who work. Even Ronald Reagan made the capital gains tax the same as the highest personal income tax rate.
There are eight others, including breaks for shipping jobs overseas, allowing corporations like Facebook to undervalue their stock and write off the difference, $20 billion given to the oil industry that even they say they don’t need, Delaware — our own onshore corporate tax haven, allowing the rich to save on their yacht using the home interest deduction, and (my personal pet peeve) tax bribes to get companies to move factories from one state to another.
These loopholes represent hundreds of billions or even trillions in dollars of revenue lost to the government. Of course, Romney and other Republicans have been the prime beneficiaries of lobbying money that is going to keep and expand these loopholes. Not to mention that Romney himself made most of his own money exploiting these loopholes to the max. And the lobbying has paid off — previous laws to eliminate these loopholes have been viciously blocked by Republicans. Does anyone actually believe that Romney will do anything to eliminate them?
Who else thinks that defunding PBS has nothing to do with balancing the budget, and everything to do with pushing the Republican agenda. After all, you can’t buy public television.
As the cartoonist David Horsey put it:
So, after many long months of campaigning and promising to cut the deficit while also cutting taxes, the single genuine and specific spending reduction Romney has stipulated is the one one-hundredth of a percent of federal expenditures that helps pay for Big Bird, Downton Abbey and the rest of the PBS lineup. Defenders of PBS were quick to point out that eliminating the federal subsidy for public television would trim an amount equal to just six hours – 360 minutes – of spending at the Pentagon.
It seems as if it would be more effective to leave PBS with its minuscule piece of federal largess and, instead, cut six hours – or maybe 24 or 48 hours – of military spending, right? Apparently not to Romney. Rather than trimming the Defense Department budget, he has proposed a radical spike in defense outlays that would take military spending to the highest level in 60 years.
We already spend more on our military than the next ten countries combined. We need more weapons, and less education for our young children? That sounds like a recipe for disaster.
“After months of buildup, last night was the first presidential debate at the University of Denver. Of course, a lot of big names didn’t show up to the event — Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, President Obama.” – Jimmy Fallon
“It’s like Obama wasn’t even there. He hasn’t done this poorly since he debated Clint Eastwood.” – Stephen Colbert
“They say close to 60 million people may have watched the debate. In fact, the only person who didn’t tune in was President Obama. What happened?” – Jay Leno
“There is no red America! There is no blue America! There is only the America that can’t believe how bad this guy did in the debate.” – Jon Stewart
“A lot of people disappointed in President Obama’s performance last night. Last night, critics say President Obama spent too much time looking down at something on the podium. And today the president apologized and said, ‘At the next debate, no more angry birds’.” – Conan O’Brien
“The president seemed a little bit out of it last night. He had all the enthusiasm of a husband talking to his wife’s friends at a dinner party.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“President Obama talked last night about finding new sources of energy. He couldn’t muster enough energy for the 90-minute debate. And to make matters worse, last night was his anniversary. The only way his wedding anniversary could have been worse was if he had forgotten it.” – Jay Leno
“Most analysts think Mitt Romney won the debate last night. Which means President Obama lost two fights on his anniversary last night.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The president seemed a little bit out of it last night. He had all the enthusiasm of a husband talking to his wife’s friends at a dinner party.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“At one point last night President said the one thing about being president is learning to say no — especially when someone asks, ‘Do you feel ready for this debate?'” – Conan O’Brien
“The president seemed to give long-winded, disjointed answers during last night’s debate. Even Gary Busey was like, ‘Dude, you’ve got to focus.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“The consensus is that Mitt Romney won the presidential debate last night. The only people who thought Obama won were the replacement refs.” – Jay Leno
“Now you know me. I’m a staunch conservative and I condemn any Republican who distances themselves from everything he has said on the campaign trail. But it worked, so fuck it.'” – Stephen Colbert (on Mitt Romney lying at the presidential debate)
“Say what you will about Mitt Romney. Less night I thought he was energetic, he was crisp, he was dynamic. What have you done with the real Mitt Romney?” – David Letterman
“Mitt Romney did so well last night, hell he may even release his tax return. He did so well last night, he might even let poor people vote.” – David Letterman
“He just told the moderator — who works at PBS — I’m going to throw your ass out on the street old man! Not only you, but all those free-loading Muppets! That doesn’t just take one ball, it takes TWO! TWO ENORMOUS BALLS! Ha-ha-ha!” –Stephen Colbert (impersonating Sesame Street’s The Count, referring to Romney’s attack on the popular children’s show)
“During last night’s debate, Mitt Romney said he’d cut funds to PBS, even though he loves Big Bird. He’s definitely against whatever the hell Bert and Ernie are up to.” – Conan O’Brien
“During last night’s debate Mitt Romney said that he loves Big Bird. What made it even more awkward was that the question was, “Can you explain your tax plan?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Mitt Romney said he’s going to get rid of Big Bird and slash PBS. And then he mentions Donald Trump, who endorses Mitt Romney. It’s interesting — one is a comical TV character with synthetic yellow hair, and then you have Big Bird.” – David Letterman
“Mitt Romney went after PBS last night. It’s about time someone went after those guys. It’s about time someone took some starch out of their collars.” – Conan O’Brien
“60 million people watched this from around the world. And from the Cayman Islands, even Mitt’s money was watching.” – David Letterman
“Moderator for the debate last night was Jim Lehrer of PBS, and Jim was as in control of this evening as a replacement referee.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Jim Lehrer had trouble making sure the candidates stuck to the rules last night. Even NFL replacement refs were like, ‘This guy’s a disaster!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“The only thing that could have salvaged the president’s performance would have been if the body of bin Laden fell from the ceiling onto the stage.” – Jimmy Kimmel
Revenge of the Penguin Plutocrat? The Empire Strikes Back? Stay tuned for the Return of the Jedi.
“Tonight is the first presidential debate of 2012. Tonight was also one of the only nights of the year when you might actually hear someone say, ‘Honey, turn on C-SPAN’.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The presidential debates were earlier tonight, and I think most of the nation’s all thinking the same thing – just one more day until Thursday Night Football.” – Jay Leno
“It’s being reported that Mitt Romney’s goal for tonight’s debate is to make Barack Obama look like Jimmy Carter. Meanwhile, Barack Obama’s goal is to make Mitt Romney look like Mitt Romney.” – Conan O’Brien
“Unlike those Republican primary debates, there was no cheering or applause allowed from the audience tonight in Denver, which was fairly easy to control. They filled the crowd with Colorado Rockies fans.” – Jay Leno
“Watching the debates is a lot like football, particularly the New York Jets. Tebow is like Romney – almost surely disappointing if he gets in. And Obama’s like Sanchez, already in there and disappointing us right now.” – Jay Leno
“Tonight was the first presidential debate between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. Not only that, it was also Obama’s 20th wedding anniversary. It was a little weird during the debate when Obama promised to balance the budget, lower taxes, and be home by 10:00 for cuddle time.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Today was not only the first presidential debate, it was also President Obama’s 20th wedding anniversary. I think the president got a little confused. At one point, he told Michelle that she was out of touch with the middle class and Romney that he looks as beautiful as the day they first met.” – Conan O’Brien
“Tonight also happens to be Obama’s 20th wedding anniversary. That seems very convenient. ‘Honey, I’d love to go to the ballet with you, but I’m debating Mitt Romney that night’.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“President Obama is winning the election according to an informal poll conducted by 7-Eleven. However, the findings are being hotly contested by analysts from The Cheesecake Factory.” – Conan O’Brien
“There’s been a lot of talk this year about voter fraud, election fraud. But we haven’t seen many cases of it. You know what I think we should be investigating? Candidate fraud.” – Jay Leno
“While campaigning yesterday in Colorado, Mitt Romney made a stop at the fast-food restaurant Chipotle. The guy behind the counter was like, ‘Burrito?’ And Romney was like, ‘Hey there, Burrito. My name is Mitt Romney. Pleasure to meet you’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The city council here in L.A. voted 11-2 to overturn the ban on medical marijuana dispensaries. It’s great news for the thousands of people who suffer from fake back pain, fake neck pain, and fake sleep disorders.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Overturning the ban is also great news for the makers of Chex Party Mix.” – Jimmy Kimmel
Maureen Dowd has a hilarious column pretending to be post-mortem debate practice for Obama on what he should have said in the first round. The whole column is worth reading, but here’s an excerpt:
Opponent: I want to take that $716 billion you’ve cut and put it back into Medicare.
Obama: The $716 billion I’ve cut is from the providers, not the beneficiaries. I think that’s a better idea than cutting the exact same $716 billion and replacing it with a gift certificate, which is what’s contained in the plan that’s named for your running mate.
Opponent: Pre-existing conditions are covered under my plan.
Obama: Not unless you’ve come up with a new plan since this afternoon.
Opponent: You doubled the deficit.
Obama: When I took office in 2009, the deficit was 1.4 trillion. According to the C.B.O., the deficit for 2012 will be 1.1 trillion. Either you have the mathematics aptitude of a Shetland pony or, much more likely, you’re lying.
Opponent: All of the increase in natural gas has happened on private land, not on government land. On government land, your administration has cut the number of permits and licenses in half.
Obama: Maybe your difficulty is with the words “half” and “double.” Oil production on federal land is higher, not lower. And the oil and gas industry are currently sitting on 7,000 approved permits to drill on government land that they’ve not yet begun developing.
Opponent: I think about half the green firms you’ve invested in have gone out of business.
Obama: Yeah, your problem’s definitely with the word “half.” As of this moment there have been 26 recipients of loan guarantees — 23 of which are very much in business. What was Bain’s bankruptcy record again?
Of course, to see how it should be done you could watch Jon Stewart and Bill O’Reilly debating.
Mitt Romney makes a meal of Big Bird. So much for creating jobs! Luckily, some Sesame Street characters become productive contributors to the economy.
“For tomorrow’s debate, President Obama’s advisers have been working with him to keep his responses short. In fact, the only words the president plans on saying are ‘bin Laden’ and ‘dead.’ That’s it.” – Conan O’Brien
“I understand they are going to have ‘fact checkers’ standing by — just in case either candidate happens to say something factual.” – Jay Leno
“Are you going to watch the debates? How many wish it was like the NFL and they could just bring in replacement candidates?’ – Jay Leno
“The first debate is tomorrow night and I heard that the Obama campaign is a little worried because during his flight to Nevada on Sunday the president watched four hours of football instead of studying — although it did mark the first time all year that Obama has actually seen something get passed.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The debates begin tomorrow night and we’ll see Mitt and Ann Romney. Of course, you remember them as the stars of TV’s ‘Dynasty’.” – David Letterman
“Al Gore is going to be covering the debate for his network, Current TV. Al Gore on Current TV, talking about Mitt Romney. That is like the perfect storm of boring.” – Jay Leno
“I love the presidential debates. At my house, what we do each night before they begin is we put out a plate of milk and cookies for Jim Lehrer.” – David Letterman
“Mitt Romney and Snooki are back in the news. Romney recently was asked who he liked better, Snooki or Honey Boo Boo. He picked Snooki. Snooki heard this and said it was awesome but she still hasn’t decided who she’s voting for. You should be allowed to vote or be on ‘Jersey Shore’, not both.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“You have to figure Snooki will vote for Obama. She might be the only person in America who is better off now than she was four years ago.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Joe Biden is campaigning very hard for Obama. In Florida, Vice President Biden told a group of nurses, ‘If there are any angels in heaven, they’re all nurses.’ Then Biden said, ‘Of course, maybe they wouldn’t be in heaven if they’d had better nurses.'” – Conan O’Brien
“At a campaign rally in Charlotte, Vice President Joe Biden said, ‘The middle class has been buried the past four years. Buried.’ Which candidate is he campaigning for? I’m confused.” – Jay Leno
“Michelle Obama won Family Circle’s bake-off with her chocolate chip cookies. Hasn’t she spent the last four years leading a crusade against sugary treats? She’s contradicting her own position. Maybe she should be the one running for office.” – Craig Ferguson
“Ann Romney’s entry into the bake-off was something called ‘M&M Treats.’ Sounds tasty. But some people said they came out boring and hard to swallow. I’m like, ‘Oh, no, that’s her husband.'” – Craig Ferguson
“There seems to still be sexism in politics. You still see candidates objectified. I’m talking about you, Paul Ryan – with your great abs and suspiciously good marathon times.” – Craig Ferguson
“In Arnold Schwarzenegger’s new book, he says his first clue that the housekeeper’s son was his was when the boy started looking like him. His second clue was when he was the only Mexican kid with an Austrian accent.” – Conan O’Brien
“A new survey found that over 35 percent of Americans actually plan on voting before Election Day. Not for president of the United States, just for ‘Dancing With the Stars’.” – Jimmy Fallon
Less than two days after Romney complained that unemployment hadn’t dropped below 8% during Obama’s administration, the unemployment rate fell from 8.1% to 7.8%. So when Romney was saying that, unemployment was already below 8%.
So of course, the Republicans respond by accusing the president of cooking the books, calling the unemployment numbers “total pro-Obama propaganda” and saying that Obama “can’t debate so change numbers”.
They do the same thing when polls show Obama ahead. Reality doesn’t matter to them anymore.
UPDATE: A former director of the Congressional Budget Office (and advisor to John McCain) and the chief economist at Moody’s analytics looked at the unemployment numbers and declare them valid.
Steve Martin has created one of the most eccentric political endorsements ever:
I’ll let Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert have the last words on the debate:
“The presidential debate is on Wednesday. Mitt Romney has been preparing for the debate by debating a Republican senator who plays the part of President Obama. Meanwhile, President Obama has been preparing for Romney by debating an ATM machine.” – Conan O’Brien
“The math behind how Romney can give everyone a 20% tax cut without bankrupting the government is just way too advanced for us regular folk to understand. It’s unfathomably complex, like string theory. You’d have to grasp that the universe is actually 11 coexistent dimensions, eight of which is where Romney shelters his wealth.” – Stephen Colbert
“Ann Romney says that if Mitt is elected she would worry about his mental health. Well, there’s a ringing endorsement.” – David Letterman
“The middle class is broken down by the side of the road, and Paul Ryan is driving up in a black windowless van and saying, ‘Get in.’ … Just get in. And it puts the lotion on its body.” – Stephen Colbert
“Florida election officials say at least 10 counties have identified suspicious and possibly fraudulent voter registration forms. And they were turned in by a firm working for the Republican Party of Florida. I guess they got suspicious when they realized most of the votes were for Bob Dole.” – Jay Leno
“Arnold Schwarzenegger’s book is out today. Arnold’s book reveals all the secrets he kept from his wife. That’s why it’s a million pages long.” – Craig Ferguson
“Arnold Schwarzenegger was on ’60 Minutes’ promoting his book. He said you can’t run from your mistakes. You have to confront them. Yeah, especially if they look exactly like you and keep calling you dad.” – Conan O’Brien
“The part of the book everyone’s going to skip to is the part where he talks about the maid and the love child. He says he didn’t think the kid was his at first – mostly because the kid could speak English.” – Craig Ferguson
“Arnold Schwarzenegger was interviewed on ’60 Minutes.’ He revealed that he performed two same-sex marriages while he was governor of California. Of course, the marriages aren’t official because the couples couldn’t understand what Arnold was saying.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Arnold Schwarzenegger gave an interview to ’60 Minutes’ last night. In the interview, Arnold says you can’t run from your mistakes. Yeah, especially when they have feet of their own.” – Jay Leno
“Arnold says in the book cheating on Maria was the stupidest thing he ever did. Excuse me, but I saw ‘Jingle All the Way.'” – Craig Ferguson
“Despite the scandal, Schwarzenegger was a popular governor. So popular that Republicans wanted to repeal the natural-born citizen law that prevented him from running for president. So a president born in Austria would have been OK, but a president born in Kenya – NO!” – Craig Ferguson
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