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Getting the Lowe Down


© Henry Payne

Lowe’s home improvement stores pulled their advertising from the TLC network’s show “All-American Muslim” after the conservative Christian group “Florida Family Association” mounted an email campaign against the show, saying that it was “propaganda that riskily hides the Islamic agenda’s clear and present danger to American liberties and traditional values“. I guess it is now unacceptable to show Muslim people as normal and happy.

UPDATE: The description of this YouTube video says that this is the commercial that Lowe’s was going to air on “All-American Muslim” before they decided to pull it:

Too bad they weren’t able to show this excellent commercial.

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Pants on Fire Deja Vu All Over Again

During the Republican presidential debate tonight, Michele Bachmann said “After the debates that we had last week, PolitiFact came out and said that everything that I said was true.”

As PolitiFact puts it, that statement “jolted us out of our seats”, and they declared her new statement a “Pants on Fire” lie. The truth is, last week they evaluated two of her statements, giving one a “Mostly True” and the other as “Pants on Fire”.

Sheesh, Bachmann even lies about lying. 59% of her statements have been rated as either “False” or “Pants on Fire” by the non-partisan PolitiFact.

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Late Night Political Humor

“Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich was sentenced to 14 years in prison. This is the most disgraceful thing to happen to an Illinois governor since their last governor.” – Jay Leno

“Rod Blagojevich is going away for 14 Years in prison. His barber got the death penalty.” – David Letterman

“The former governor of Illinois Rod Blagojevich got 14 Years in prison. He will probably get time off for good hair.” – Craig Ferguson

“Blago got 5 years for corruption and 9 years for appearing on “Celebrity Apprentice.'” – David Letterman

“He was convicted of trying to sell Barack Obama’s vacant senate seat. If he had waited a few years, he could probably sell it back to Barack Obama.” – Craig Ferguson

“Donald Trump is hosting a debate in Iowa, but so far Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum are the only presidential candidates to RSVP. Rick Santorum actually requested a plus one — you know, so he could bring all of his supporters.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Newt Gingrich did not make it on the Most Fascinating People list. He made it on another list of 2011 though: Most Fascinating Newts.” – David Letterman

“I like Newt Gingrich. You know who he looks like? He looks like your Dad’s old Army buddy, doesn’t he?” – David Letterman

“Mitt Romney now says the gloves are coming off. And then Ron Paul said, ‘And my teeth are coming out.'” – David Letterman

“There was an embarrassing moment for Rick Perry. He announced that it was the anniversary of the Japanese attack on Pearl Jam.” – Jay Leno

“In California a greased-up, naked, 300-lb. bodybuilder was terrorizing a neighborhood. Arnold, Arnold, Arnold.” – David Letterman

“Joe Biden visited Greece last week on the debt crisis. I don’t want to say the vice president doesn’t know much, but he kept asking for John Travolta.” – Jay Leno

“The Library of Congress has partnered with Twitter to store every tweet ever posted in their archive of historical documents. So, this is what Congress is doing?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The Library of Congress is home to some of the most important documents in history including the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and now it will so include tweets from Gretchen44, who likes strawberry balsamic vinegar on her salad.” – Craig Ferguson

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Un-Occupied


© Barry Deutsch

I’ve even seen one of these objections voiced in here.

I think the biggest cause of confusion over the OWS movement is that we only understand hierarchical power structures in this country. Every movement not only has to have “an official media spokesperson” but they have to have someone who is in charge. Just like we always blame the president for everything bad that happens, even though by our constitution the president has very limited powers.

The Tea Party movement ran into the same problem, but only for a moment until the Republican Party and Fox News took it over.

But hierarchical power structures are becoming quaint in the age of the Internet. The first time I saw this in action was during the WTO protests in Seattle in 1999, which was largely organized by decentralized word of mouth over the internet and cell phones.

Indeed, most of the current revolutions in the Middle East are following the same pattern. The problem is that when a decentralized movement overcomes a centralized power structure like a government, it leaves a power vacuum, like we are seeing now in Egypt and Libya.

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And His Name is Newt


© Tom Tomorrow

Are Republicans seriously suggesting that this man could be president of the US?

UPDATE: Apparently the old-guard Republican party is terrified that Gingrich might win the nomination. National Review just published a scathing attack on Gingrich, saying:

His character flaws — his impulsiveness, his grandiosity, his weakness for half-baked (and not especially conservative) ideas — made him a poor Speaker of the House. Again and again he combined incendiary rhetoric with irresolute action, bringing Republicans all the political costs of a hardline position without actually taking one. Again and again he put his own interests above those of the causes he championed in public.

The same article praised Romney and Huntsman.

Meanwhile, Gingrich’s poll numbers are starting to fall.

As an added bonus, here’s Mark Fiore’s hilarious cartoon about Gingrich (the anti-Mitt):

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Fox News is Killing the Republican Party

British newspaper The Guardian has an excellent article on how Fox News is basically running the Republican primary, and as a result is helping Obama’s reelection bid, maybe even giving Obama a landslide victory.

You don’t believe that Fox News is running the Republican primary? After all, Fox hasn’t endorsed any candidates. But it is more subtle than that. What Fox does is suddenly give a lot of attention to a specific candidate (for example by giving them more appearances) and then starts feeding them softball questions (like when Bill O’Reilly asked Rick Perry on his Nov 18 show “Do you believe that Barack Obama — the person, not the President, the person because a lot of conservatives do believe this — doesn’t like America?”), and their poll numbers go magically up.

This has been carefully documented by Media Matters (they call it the “Fox Primary”). Indeed, just days before Newt Gingrich surged in the Republican polls, Media Matters shows that he was suddenly given the most appearances on Fox News. Not bad for a candidate who has little cash and whose campaign staff all quit back in June. Who needs a campaign when you have Fox News on your side?

Republican political operative Dick Morris (ironically while appearing on Fox and Friends) noted that Newt Gingrich didn’t have to actually, you know, campaign in Iowa in order to win the Iowa caucus. As Morris explained “This is a phenomenon of this year’s election. You don’t win Iowa in Iowa. you win it on this couch. You win it on Fox News.” As a result of Gingrich’s multiple appearances on Fox News, as Fox host Brian Kilmeade put it “With only one office in Iowa, he’s running away with the state! It’s almost unheard of!” Funny, that.

But the real problem is that as a corporation, Fox News doesn’t care about winning elections, they only care about ratings and making money. You don’t get high ratings by promoting candidates who have sensible, workable policies. You get high ratings from sensationalism, by serving up continuous outrage and fear to your viewers. Fox News promotes candidates who make for good TV, not who make for good politics. This explains why Fox virtually ignores candidates like Jon Huntsman or even Mitt Romney, both former state governors with impressive records.

Conservative Andew Sullivan calls this the “Media Industrial Complex“. As he explains, Fox News needs “provocative, polarising media stars” to guarantee high ratings. When there is so much money to be made from politics-as-entertainment” they need “talk-show hosts as president, not governors or legislators.”

As David Frum, the former Dubya speechwriter said “Republicans originally thought that Fox worked for us – and now we’re discovering we work for Fox.”

By adopting positions acceptable to Fox News, candidates push themselves into positions that make them less appealing to the national electorate. So Fox News makes lots of money, but the Republican Party crumbles. For example, Fox cheered Republicans to raise the debt ceiling in November, prompting the downgrading of America’s credit rating. Ouch! The Arizona official who pioneered their draconian anti-immigration measures (with heavy support from Fox News) was recalled. The Ohio law prohibiting collective bargaining rights for public sector workers went down in a landslide.

Even more interesting is that Florida Governor Rick Scott, heavily promoted to a big victory by Fox, is now the least popular governor in the US with a dismal 26% approval rating. What’s ironic is that Scott’s low popularity is because he is doing exactly what he promised to do in the campaign: cut the budget and cut government expenses. It turns out that while people claim they want smaller government, they don’t want to lose any program that benefits them (hence the “Government keep your hands off my Medicare” signs).

So Fox News candidates have hurt the GOP in key electoral states like Florida and Ohio. That can only help Obama get reelected.

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Ignorance is Strength

I filed this under Humor because I think it is hilarious. It would be even funnier if it weren’t so scary.

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Late Night Political Humor

“Herman Cain dropped out. Our writers and I were despondent. But sometimes when God closes a door He opens a window. And standing outside that window is a circus peanut wearing a badger. Donald Trump will moderate a Republican debate Dec. 27. Thank you, Jesus.” – Jon Stewart

“Today Herman Cain again denied allegations of any sexual misconduct and thanked his supporters for their gullibility.” – Jay Leno

“Herman Cain, the Herminator, said ‘I will not be silent, and I will not go away.’ Then he shut up and left.” – David Letterman

“This is kind of scary. This was in the paper today; according to the new federal guidelines if you’ve had sex with more than one person in the past year, you might be ‘too promiscuous to be an organ donor.’ More bad news for Herman Cain.” – Jay Leno

“I’m so excited, Christmas season is finally here. … A new survey found that two of the most popular holiday songs are ‘Jingle Bell Rock’ and ‘Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.’ The LEAST popular Christmas song: ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Herman Cain.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“In a new interview at her lawyer’s office, Herman Cain’s mistress of the past 13 years, this woman Ginger White, said no one has offered to pay her any money for her story. But to be fair no one is buying Herman Cain’s story either. I think that’s fair.” – Jay Leno

“Cain says that he and his wife … everything is fine between them. Though it’s not certain this wife still trusts him 100%. Like today Mrs. Cain called Michele Bachmann and asked if she could pray him gay. Does it work that way? Can you pray a guy gay?” – Jay Leno

“Newt Gingrich met with Donald Trump yesterday. There’s a good combination – two guys, 6 wives, 0 chance of either one of them ever becoming president of the United States.” – Jay Leno

“Former Vice President Dan Quayle…remember Dan? Potato with an ‘e’? He has officially endorsed Mitt Romney. And today Romney said, ‘Why are you rushing into this? Newt Gingrich is pretty good. Have you talked to him? That Rick Perry is a handsome…'” – Jay Leno

“The head of the Federal Aviation Administration … has been arrested on charges of drunk driving. I don’t want to say how much the guy drank, but when they pulled him over, he was driving the beverage cart.'” – Jay Leno

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Newtonian Morality

See, when I smoked pot it was illegal, but not immoral. Now, it is illegal AND immoral. The law didn’t change, only the morality… That’s why you get to go to jail and I don’t.

Newt Gingrich in 1996. In 1997 Gingrich proposed a law that would invoke the death penalty for possession of as little as 200 joints, which is about the same volume as a carton of cigarettes.

I think Newt is not only guilty of serial adultery, he’s also guilty of serial hypocrisy.

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Invented People?


© Tom Toles

When Newt Gingrich called the Palestinians an “invented people” who had never had their own homeland I was flummoxed. After all, we “Americans” are an invented people, as are almost all modern Arab nations (with the exception of Egypt and Morocco). And while it may be technically true that no Arabs called themselves Palestinians until the breakup of the Ottoman Empire in 1920, the same thing was true of Syria, Lebanon, and even Iraq. When Israel was created at the end of WWII, there were plenty of people there who called themselves Palestinians.

But I really like the fact that this comic points out our most recent “invented people” — corporations.

The point is not whether Gingrich’s inflammatory statement is technically true or not. The real question is why did he say it. What point is he trying to make? That Palestinians have no rights?

When the USA became a real country (and we became a suddenly non-invented people), it did it through bloody revolution against England. Is Gingrich saying that the same process is the only way for Palestinians to gain legitimacy as a people?

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Late Night Political Humor

“In a surprise move, this morning Herman Cain’s penis announced it’s still in the race.” – Conan O’Brien

“Herman Cain made a major announcement on Saturday at the grand opening of his new campaign headquarters, announcing that he is suspending his campaign. It was a grand opening and a grand closing at the same time.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The day before yesterday, Herman Cain suspended his campaign. That is a shame. He touched so many people.” – Stephen Colbert

“Herman Cain seemed to sense his supporters needed something to lift their spirits, which is what led to Herman Cain saying the greatest nine words ever spoken by an American politician: ‘I believe these words came from the Pokemon movie …'” – Jon Stewart

“Cain blames a conspiracy by powerful Democrats who are intent on destroying him for these various allegations. I don’t think you can blame the Democrats. I’m pretty sure they were rooting for him in this particular case.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Over the weekend, Herman Cain dropped out the Republican presidential race. Cain said he wants to spend more time with the wife. Not his wife.” – Craig Ferguson

“Herman Cain announced Saturday he was suspending his campaign. He brought his wife with him, so apparently he couldn’t get a date. I guess he used up all his 9-9-9 lives. The closest he got to the White House was spending the night at Ginger White’s house.” – Jay Leno

“Herman Cain has suspended his presidential campaign, but he has asked the Secret Service if they could continue to provide him protection, at least until his wife cools off.” – David Letterman

“Now that he’s back home Herman Cain’s wife has a huge to-do list for him. 1. Clean out the garage. 2. Go live in it.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Everybody’s talking about the presidential election. And this is big: Two days after stepping down, there are rumors that Herman Cain is endorsing his former rival, Newt Gingrich. Not to be president, but to be his new wingman.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Even though Herman Cain is suspending his campaign, he’s launching a new website called TheCainSolution.com. Yeah, it’s the only political website that makes you click an ‘I’m Over 18’ button to enter.” –Jimmy Fallon

“The good news: unemployment is down and people are out looking for work. That’s good news. In fact today Herman Cain applied at Domino’s, Pizza Hut, Round Table, and Little Caesars…” – Jay Leno

“An upcoming Republican debate will be moderated by Donald Trump. It will take place in the Trump Forum for the Future of Democracy and Casino.” – Conan O’Brien

“We have a mayor here called Mayor Bloomberg and he’s a little man. And this is the worst time of year for the guy, as you can imagine because whenever he’s out walking around, everybody’s screaming, ‘Look, one of Santa’s elves!'” – David Letterman

“President Obama is getting some flak for his planned 17-day Christmas vacation. That’s a long time, 17 days. I mean, even Mary and Joseph only took the day off for Christmas.” – Jay Leno

“To save money, the U.S. Postal Service announced the end of next-day service. That’s a good way to get people to come back, isn’t it? Make your service even slower than it already is.” – Jay Leno

“Due to the bad economy, the Queen of England’s salary will be frozen for the next four years. In fact, to make ends meet the queen is thinking of having a yard sale. Getting rid of a lot of stuff they don’t use anymore, like Canada.” – Jay Leno

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American Dreamers


© Ben Sargent

The American dream is that anyone can become successful if they try, that you can leave your children with a better life than the one you have, that hard work is rewarded. It is what made our country great — the land of opportunity.

But now you are just supposed to work hard for your corporate masters. For what? So they can cut your pay or your job, while giving themselves obscene bonuses? So you can buy a house that will be worth less money than you paid for it? So you can build a nest egg for your retirement that will go up in smoke when the company you worked for goes bankrupt or the stock market tanks? So your life crumbles around you if you become seriously ill or disabled?

People complain about the young not working hard enough. Well, why the hell should they work hard? Talk about disincentives!

The American Dream has become a nightmare for most Americans. And the pundits and politicians play the blame game — it is all the fault of immigrants, or Muslims, or gays. They think they can give you a scapegoat so you don’t look too closely at the real problems.

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I Haven’t Changed

Over at Stonekettle Station, retired Navy officer Jim Wright wonders how someone like himself, who started out as a traditional conservative, has become a liberal. And realizes that he hasn’t changed at all, the labels (the little boxes we put people in) have changed.

Take the issue of gay rights. Once upon a time, conservatives believed in the words “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Nowadays, people who claim to be conservatives sport bumper stickers that say “Tolerance is for the person who has no conviction.”

When did conservatives become assholes? And when did these assholes start getting away with bullying everyone else?

Wright brilliantly documents his journey:

I attained the age of majority during the Carter Administration. Back then I was defined as a traditional conservative. Balanced budget. War only when necessary. Mom. Apple pie. Conservatives were doctors, engineers, scientists, the guys with the buzz cuts and white shirts who worked at NASA and got us to the moon and back. They smoked Pall Malls and drank Pabst Blue Ribbon. They worked on the assembly line at Ford and GM and they BBQ’d in their backyards in the suburbs on the weekends. You didn’t have to ask, you knew they were veterans. If they went to church on Sunday, that was their business – they never talked about it. They were Boy Scouts and Little Leaguers and members of the Elks Club. Live and let live. They were the folks who said “I don’t agree with what you say, but I’ll die to defend your right to say it” and they meant every word of it.

By the time Reagan came along, people dropped the “traditional” and just referred to my position as just “conservative” with a lower-case “c.” Most everybody I knew was the same. The first warning signs came when people started referring to something called compassionate conservatism. Compassionate? As a opposed to what? Condescending conservatism? Intolerant conservatism? Screw you conservatism? Seriously, why would you have to qualify a political position in a such a manner? Unless of course, there was some indication that your beliefs were increasingly less than compassionate. Unless, you yourself, believed that your ideology was increasingly one of selfishness.

Eight years later when George the First took office, people had added the prefix “moderate” to my version of conservatism. Moderate? Again, as opposed to what? Extremism? Yeah. Funny thing, that, as it turns out…

Clinton took office and the noun “conservative” disappeared altogether leaving me with just the modifier like fractional division where certain values just cancel out. That’s what happened to me, I got cancelled out right out of the Republican party.

When George the Pinheaded ascended to the throne, we moderates were relabeled “progressives.” I thought that was an improvement. Progressive. Progress. That’s a good thing? Right? Yeah. Funny thing, that, as it turns out…

And now, under Obama, I am, of course, a homo-lovin’ red-commie anti-capitalist liberal-traitor rat-bastard who hates America (insert the label of your choice here, Fatty, Fag, Geek, Nerd, Retard, Stupid, Ugly, Loser, and so on. Go on, you know the words) – as are all Americans who don’t cling to their guns and their bibles and their militia uniforms. The entire republican party has shifted right and thrown people like me over the fantail into their wake. You’re either with us or against us. Conservatives who used to be the serious men in white shirts and buzzcuts, the men who got us to the moon and home safely again, the ones who once taught science and engineering and medicine in the colleges, are now the party of Creationism and Rapture and screw you I got mine. Live my way, or don’t live at all. I don’t agree with what you say, so I’ll have to kill you until you’re dead dead dead because you have no right to say it. None.

My views have not changed. I’m still the same guy you used to know.

I stood fast, firm in my conviction and the war flowed around me and the battle lines shifted like flowing mercury.

One day I looked up and realized that I was on the other side.

And you know what? I’m just fine with that.

I feel the same way, except that for as long as I remember I’ve always thought of myself as a moderate. Or more accurately, a pragmatist (the best policy is the one that actually works and to hell with ideology that doesn’t).

And yet I appear to be a unrepentant liberal, even though I still believe in the constitution (yes, that includes the right to own guns) and free markets (although a market that is controlled by a small number of big corporations is in no sense free).

Wright’s rant struck a chord with me. I haven’t changed; the world has gone crazy.

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Late Night Political Humor

“Congress will have a Secret Santa exchange involving both parties. The Democrats will give Republicans a gift. And that’s it.” – Seth Meyers

“The Senate is doing its first-ever Secret Santa gift exchange this year. Yeah, there’s a $10 spending limit, but they plan to go $14 trillion over budget.” – Jimmy Fallon

“The good news is, the unemployment rate has dropped to 8.6 percent. The bad news is, most of those require a sack, a red suit, and a beard.” – Jay Leno

“‘America’s Most Wanted’ used to be on FOX, but it was canceled because executives at FOX realized the show actually helped people.” – Craig Ferguson

“President Obama met with leaders of all the American Indian tribes. He promised to help tackle the challenges facing the Native American communities — like card counting.” – Jay Leno

“A man in Ohio has been calling women posing as a doctor and asking intimate questions about how they give themselves breast exams. Then he ends with, ‘Vote for Herman Cain.'” – Seth Meyers

“I think Herman Cain is getting a little desperate. He said if his wife forgives him, he’ll throw in free bread sticks, buffalo wings and a 2-liter of Pepsi.” – Jay Leno

“Herman Cain is scheduled to make a big announcement tomorrow. He says if his wife wants him to quit the race, he will quit the race. However, his wife’s vote can be overruled by a simple majority of his mistresses.” – Craig Ferguson

“In a new interview, it’s revealed that Mitt Romney loves chocolate milk. While Rick Perry prefers milk like his poll numbers: 2 percent.” – Jimmy Fallon

“High winds have been pummeling California for the last two days. It was so windy, all the women in Beverly Hills looked like Nancy Pelosi. It was so windy police at U.C. Davis had to take the students inside to pepper spray them. Birds just stayed in their bird houses and tweeted each other.” – Jay Leno

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Goodbye Bill of Rights

The Senate has passed a defense authorization bill that allows the military to indefinitely detain American citizens on US soil, without trial or even charges. Goodbye due process, goodbye rule of law, goodbye sixth (and fourth) amendment, and if the government can arbitrarily throw citizens in prison forever, what do any other rights mean?

Here are two interesting responses. First from Jon Stewart:

And even stronger, from Anonymous:

Left out of these videos is the fact that this bill is actually pure politics. Ironically, these provisions are opposed by the Pentagon, the intelligence community, the Justice Department, and the White House. So why is the Senate doing this? To force Obama to veto the bill, so they can accuse him of being soft on terrorism in the upcoming election. It makes me sick.

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