Political Irony

It took quite a bit of searching to find all of McCain’s speech at the Al Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner. In fact, it took two separate videos just for McCain. They are both definitely worth watching:

Here’s the second half of McCain’s speech (with a little overlap):

Electoral Vote calls McCain’s speech “the best speech of his campaign”, and points out that it is even more impressive by the fact that most of the audience was rich New York Democrats. I agree that McCain is at his best when he is being himself, and that his “biggest mistake was hiring Lee Atwater’s ghost dressed up as Steve Schmidt”.

Obama goes second, but manages to keep up with McCain. He also drops an October surprise:

© Mike Luckovich

The Economy

“This economy is crazy. Are you with me on that one? This is what I saw today. I saw a Lehman Brothers executive walking around town wearing a sign that read, ‘Will work for a seven-figure bonus.'” –David Letterman

“President Bush announced today he is going to have the Federal government put $250 billion into US banks. Yeah. Bush also said if he’s putting that much money into a bank, they’d better give him a big-ass toaster.” –Conan O’Brien

“According to a group of Nobel prize-winning scientists, because of the economic crisis, the planet might actually improve from the damage of global warming, because we’re using less fossil fuel and we’re saving energy. See, this shows the brilliance of President Bush’s plan. He was killing the economy, yeah, but to save the planet! The man is a genius!” –Jay Leno

“There’s a new bank bailout today. The government is taking a $250 billion ownership stake in a bunch of failing banks, which is great news, because at long last, banking will be as efficient as going to the DMV. And there’s a debate going on right now about the whole thing. Financial analysts are saying, what does this mean for the country? On one hand, some experts say that buying up private companies makes us socialists, but others say it makes us communists, and it’s hard to decide. I say, shoot everyone and let God decide.” –Jimmy Kimmel

Sarah Palin

“The biggest newspaper in Alaska, the Anchorage Daily News, says that Sarah Palin’s reaction to this Troopergate report, you know where she was found guilty, was either astoundingly ignorant or downright Orwellian. To which Sarah Palin said, ‘Do I have to pick one now, or can I get back to ya?'” –Jay Leno

“Russia apparently has test-fired long-range ballistic missiles. At least that’s what Sarah Palin says she saw from her house.” –David Letterman

“I think the economy is starting to turn around. In fact today, instead of just shooting animals for food, Sarah Palin is back shooting them for fun again.” –Jay Leno

“Levi Johnston, the boyfriend of Sarah Palin’s pregnant daughter, is back in the news. He gave an interview in which he says that at first, he was nervous attending the Republican convention with the Palins, but then he was like, ‘Whatever.’ Yeah, he also admitted that he writes Sarah Palin’s speeches.” –Conan O’Brien

“They’re saying that when Sarah Palin is speaking, she blinks her eyes. People believe that those are coded messages, and I’m a conspiracy nut. So I got a hold of a tape of a recent campaign appearance, and I slowed it down. And if you translate the blinks to Morse code, sure enough, right there it says, ‘Vote for Grandpa.'” –David Letterman

“Did you hear what happened at a rally yesterday? Sarah Palin mistook some of her supporters for hecklers. You know, confusion happens in all walks of life. For example, a few weeks ago, John McCain mistook her for a legitimate candidate. It happens.” –David Letterman

“They began filming a porno movie this week called ‘Nalin’ Palin.’ They’ve hired a woman who looks like Governor Palin to star in this porn movie. It’s called ‘Nalin’ Palin,’ and they expect a lot of guys to go see it. The porn movie nobody wants to see? ‘Ridin’ Biden.'” –Jay Leno

The Campaign

“This week on the campaign trail, John McCain made some news. He talked about his next debate with Barack Obama, and he said, “I’m going to whip his you-know-what.’ Then, McCain vowed to ‘hit Obama in the whatchamacallit’ and ‘kick him in the thingamajig.'” –Conan O’Brien

“I’ll tell you one thing about John McCain, the guy is an optimist. He sees the glass as half full of his teeth.” –David Letterman

“Speaking of politics, a group linked to Democrats is now being investigated because they’ve been accused of falsifying voter registration forms, including a form for Mickey Mouse. Yeah, President Bush was furious when he heard this, because he thought Mickey Mouse was a Republican.” –Conan O’Brien

“More charges of voter registration fraud with this group ACORN. Have you heard about this? This is turning into a huge scandal. Apparently, this group has charged with on putting phony names on voter registration cards, including Mickey Mouse. Mickey Mouse was registered to vote in Florida. Is that so bad? I mean, Goofy has been president for the last eight years.” –Jay Leno

“That’s awful, isn’t it? How about this? Barack Obama, what a guy. He is actually going door to door, knocking on doors in a neighborhood, asking people if they’ll vote for him. Coincidentally, John McCain is also going door to door, except when he knocks on a door, he says, ‘Do I live here?'” –David Letterman

McCain spent more time talking about Joe the Plumber than Sarah Palin in the debate tonight:

From Jeff Seemann at Daily Kos (and MoBuck.com). But not the real Joe.

UPDATE: Joe the Plumber has been confirmed as Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher.

The New York Times has turned up that he is not licensed, either as a plumber or a contractor. Also, Joe claims to be a member of a local plumber’s union on his Facebook page, but a union official says that is not true. So he has been working illegally as a plumber. As for his attitude toward taxes, Joe has gotten into trouble for not paying them.

There have been some reports that Joe is not even registered to vote. However, it turns out that he is registered in Lucas county, Ohio, but his last name is misspelled (Worzelbacher instead of Wurzelbacher). So ironically his vote would one that the Republicans are hoping to challenge as invalid.

Other rumors are swirling around Joe. There is some evidence (albeit sketchy) that his uncle was one of the people involved in the Keating Five scandal. Some people even think that Joe was planted by the Republicans, but that seems unlikely.

Finally, and probably most significantly, Joe’s question misrepresents his situation. He stated that he was thinking of buying the plumbing business where he works, which makes $250,000 to $270,000. But that would be income, and businesses (unlike individuals) only pay taxes on profits, which is income minus expenses (expenses include salaries, rent, equipment, utilities, gas, etc.). So under Obama’s plan, that business would almost certainly be eligible for a tax cut. It is worth noting that, according to the GAO, two-thirds of companies are able to use the tax code to make their expenses larger than their income, and thus pay no taxes at all.

UPDATE 2:

© Tony Auth

The Economy

“Former President Jimmy Carter blasted President Bush, blaming the financial crisis on him. Carter called this the worst financial crisis since the Carter administration. Good news, the stock market went up over 900 points today. That’s good news. This is the best thing to happen to the John McCain campaign since … actually, it’s the first good thing to happen to McCain.” -Jay Leno

“Today’s Columbus Day, the day we celebrate Christopher Columbus discovering America, or as it is now known, “a fixer-upper.” -David Letterman

“Happy Columbus Day, everybody. Today is Columbus Day, which means all the banks are closed. At least I think that’s why they’re closed. God, you realize Columbus is the only person to have closed more banks than President Bush. Isn’t that amazing?” -Jay Leno

“A lot of things on sale on Columbus Day. You can get a good deal on a dining room set, mattresses, General Motors.” -David Letterman

“You know, do you think President Bush really understands any of this stuff? Like today, he was asked about General Motors. And he said, ‘I think he’s doing a fine job in Iraq.'” -Jay Leno

“This weekend, the leaders of the world’s richest countries got together to discuss the global economic meltdown. Yeah. President Bush wanted to go to the meeting, but after last week, the U.S. is no longer one of the world’s richest countries.” -Conan O’Brien

“President Bush, I think he said this in his weekly radio address, he said about the economic crisis, President Bush said, ‘It’s a good thing I’m in charge.’ And I know that’s what we’re all thinking.” -David Letterman

“But Bush says he’s going to tweak the financial package. He’s going to tweak the financial bailout. That’s what he’s doing now. He’s tweaking that financial bailout. That’s like the captain of the Titanic tweaking the brunch menu.” -David Letterman

“Bush is trying to reassure Americans that things are going to get better soon. And I was thinking well sure, in three months he’ll be out of office.” -David Letterman

“The average price of a gallon of gas has had its biggest drop ever this week also. It’s now down to $3.30 a gallon. Remember $3.30 a gallon? That’s the price you used to get outraged about a year ago.” -Jay Leno

The Campaign

“The third presidential debate is Wednesday night, and John McCain says he’s going to win. Of course, he also told Custer the surge was working.” -David Letterman

“There is more good news, folks. Today the Dow made a comeback, gaining 936 points! Henry Paulson’s plan to change his plan to whatever the Europeans are planning is working. That is such a big one-day jump. I wouldn’t be surprised if John McCain resumed his campaign.” -Stephen Colbert

“The presidential race is starting to get very ugly here towards the very end. Yesterday, just yesterday, a congressman from Georgia said that John McCain’s personal attacks on Barack Obama are ‘sowing the seeds of hatred.’ Yeah, McCain responded by saying, ‘I’m 73. I haven’t sowed any seeds in 30 years. Back off.'” -Conan O’Brien

“But it’s going to be a big week for John McCain. Don’t kid yourself. Today and tomorrow he will be campaigning. Wednesday is the debate and then Thursday he cancels on me again” -David Letterman

“This is kind of interesting. Optical shops have sold out of the sexy eyeglass frames that Sarah Palin wears. You know those? They’re all sold out. And women’s clothing stores are sold out of the pretty dress that Michelle Obama has been wearing in her interviews. That’s all sold out, too. However, a plastic surgeon said today they still have a warehouse full of those Joe Biden-type hair plugs. They got cases of those.” -Jay Leno

Sarah Palin

“You probably saw this on the news. A woman at a John McCain rally said that Barack Obama is an Arab. And McCain quickly corrected her. It was really awkward, because McCain had to tell her, ‘Look, Governor Palin, you are wrong.'” -Jay Leno

“Not been a good weekend for Governor Palin. In a 263-page report, Alaskan officials said she abused the powers of her office, and that was an ethics violation. Wow, she’s only been on the national scene a month, already has an ethics violation? Who said she’s not ready for Washington?” -Jay Leno

“Newsweek magazine’s being criticized, because last week’s cover featured a very unflattering picture of Sarah Palin. Yeah, Palin says it’s the worst thing the press has done to her since the time they made her answer a question.” -Conan O’Brien

“Sarah Palin, John McCain’s running mate, over the weekend she went to Philadelphia and dropped the first puck for the beginning of the NHL season. And I thought well, I bet she probably needed a break, had to get away from reading every newspaper and magazine. Because you don’t even know how much time that takes.” -David Letterman

“Over the weekend, Sarah Palin was booed at a Philadelphia Flyers hockey game. According to ABC News, the booing was so loud, they cranked the music up to deafening levels to drown it out. And to make it even more awkward, once they cranked up the music, McCain started yelling, ‘Turn that crap down!'” -Jay Leno

“You can tell every now and then that Sarah Palin spends a lot of time in Alaska, because when after she dropped the first puck at the hockey game, she cut a hole in the ice and began to fish.” -David Letterman